A Rose By Any Other Name
by lestrangexoxo
Summary: When Loras Tyrell is sent to squire for Lord Renly, he doesn't hold out too much hope for it. However, he finds himself pleasantly surprised as both he and his lord find out the secrets of others and themselves.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: in regard to Renly's eyes, I wrote them as green because in Renly's first appearance in the series Sansa says he has 'laughing green eyes to match his armor' (GOT page 138) yet Brienne describes his eyes as being 'deep blue' (AFFC page 623). So I'm sorry for any confusion but I tried my best, guys! Anyway, enjoy regardless of the eyes discrepancy;)**

**A/N #2: Any GOT / ASOIAF characters are George RR Martins. Lady Amber is mine and a few select others who are basically extras. The rating will probably go up from T to M as the themes change, but that will be somewhere around ch20-ish.  
**

_**Review please?:) xoxo**_

A Rose by Any Other Name

He didn't even want to go in the first place. Of all the places his father could have picked for him to go to squire, he chose Storm's End. Loras Tyrell had questioned him about this many times but only got the answer that it would be good for him. Nothing more. His brothers knew even less. All Loras knew was that going to squire for Lord Renly Baratheon could not be as good for him as his father thought. Could Lord Renly even hold a sword? Loras had heard no stories of bravery concerning the king's youngest brother. Even going to squire for Stannis would be preferable in comparison. At least Stannis had earned some kind of prowess on a battlefield. What did Lord Renly do? Other than sit in court, laugh and look pretty? Loras was still questioning it all even when he stood in the back of Lord Renly's court at Storm's End, waiting to be introduced to his new lord.

Storm's End was a beautiful place, of course, but Loras knew that nothing could compare to Highgarden. He'd already resigned himself to that fact before he'd set eyes on Storm's End. But it was a nice enough place to be forced to live. There were worse places. He could have gone to Winterfell, he reminded himself. He could be stuck in the cold and the snow, shivering to death. At least Storm's End was warm.

He'd arrived with a small host of escorts who would stay in Storm's End with him until the morning and then ride back to Highgarden. He envied them.

And there sat Renly Baratheon, on his tall seat at the top of the hall, on stairs risen above the floor. A girl sat to his right. Without the need to ask, Loras knew she was a Lannister, that shock of blonde hair gave her away on sight.

'Who is the girl?' He asked one of his host. The knight looked back at him with a smirk.

'Lady Amber Lannister.' He told him. 'Betrothed to Lord Renly's cousin.' Loras watched Lady Amber as she sat in her seat, still as a statue, watching the talk going on below her on the floor. She didn't even turn back to look when Lord Renly spoke. Her eyes were just focussed on the ground, unmoving. She had that typical look of a Lannister who presumed they were better than everyone else. Loras turned his attention to Lord Renly as he spoke to some townsfolk. He said everything with a smile on his face, made jokes when normally it would not be appropriate and spoke in a manner that would usually be unacceptable for someone of his standing. Loras silently wondered if King Robert knew this was how his brother ran Storm's End or simply didn't care. He presumed Lady Amber would be reporting everything back to Queen Cersei – he knew the Lannisters were a close House. Maybe she was only a distant Lannister… no, she was a lady, she was important enough to be significant. Then finally he heard his own name as he was announced to Lord Renly. This was the only point he noticed Lady Amber actually look up from the floor. Her eyes met his and he felt a shiver down his spine, her gaze was so cold.

Loras did as he was told and walked to the front of the hall, then knelt in front of his lord, as did the rest of his party.

'Oh, get up.' Lord Renly said with a laugh. 'Rise.' Loras did as he was told and got up, staring up at Lord Renly and desperately trying to avoid Lady Amber's gaze. Loras had a feeling that Lord Renly would take a lot of getting used to, he did not behave in the way a lord should. The lines Loras had rehearsed would be of no use to him here.

'Court is dismissed.' Lord Renly decided, as some of his advisors gave him disgruntled looks and muttered angrily amongst themselves. Gradually people started to leave the hall. Lord Renly ordered some of his serving girls to show Loras' party to their quarters, while he himself strolled down the stairs to meet Loras on the ground. Lady Amber followed him, slightly unwillingly. Her blonde hair was completely straight, falling down her back.

'Loras!' Lord Renly greeted him again, this time more like a long lost friend, even though Loras had never met him before in his life. He tried to smile but wasn't sure what he actually did. Whatever it was, it seemed to please Lord Renly, while Lady Amber still looked unimpressed. 'How was the trip from Highgarden?'

'Pleasant, my lord.' Loras answered him politely, but Lord Renly looked like he was still waiting for an answer. When nothing else was said he simply led Loras out of the hall.

'I'll show you around some of the grounds.' Lord Renly told him. At this point Lady Amber stopped walking with them, as Lord Renly turned to look at her.

'I don't feel like the walk.' She told him, her tone still frosty. Loras found himself thinking of Winterfell again. 'I'll be in my chambers when you have finished.' And with that she turned on her heels and marched off into another door in the castle. Lord Renly just grinned at Loras.

'She can be a little… temperamental.' He explained, leading Loras through a maze of yards, past different turrets of the castle. 'But we love her anyway.'

'My lord, I don't…' Loras didn't know how to explain to his lord that he had no real clue who Lady Amber was.

'Oh!' Lord Renly seemed to catch on before Loras had even finished his sentence. He brushed his black hair off his face before he answered, the winds starting to pick up as they got nearer the coast. 'Lady Amber is betrothed to my cousin.'

'Then why does she sit next to you in court, my lord?' Loras asked, feeling a little more comfortable around his lord to ask a question.

'My cousin was lost in battle, his body was never recovered.' Lord Renly still said it with a smile on his face, though. Loras thought that it would appear nothing could wipe the smile of his Lord's face. 'So she can't go home because they are still betrothed until they can prove he's dead.' Lord Renly shrugged. 'I think they hope that eventually I will marry her instead. She is a Lannister, after all.'

'She's very beautiful, my lord.' Loras said the only thing he could think to say after Lord Renly made a statement like that. Lord Renly nodded but Loras could tell he didn't seem to care.

'She is.' He agreed. 'Maybe you will marry her!' He said with an idiot's grin. Loras swallowed and said nothing. He'd been in Storm's End for little under a few hours and already Lord Renly was trying to marry him off. He didn't know what to think, or indeed, what to say. But his lord didn't seem offended by the lack of response.

'Of course, I have a great deal of respect for Lady Amber and we have become good friends over time,' he continued, as they reached the end of the castle walls and found a cliff that overlooked a beach. A stormy beach and rough sea. Loras didn't like it too much, but Lord Renly sighed like he'd missed it. 'But I can't see myself marrying her. After all, my cousin may not be dead!' He laughed to himself over that. Loras could only watch him. He knew his lord was trying to make a joke, but his stormy green eyes said otherwise. Deep down, Loras knew he was worried that one day he'd have to marry Lady Amber anyway. Loras didn't want to judge her before meeting her, but she was truly very beautiful. If Loras had been forced to marry her, he wouldn't put up too much of a protest. Maybe Lord Renly was right, maybe he should marry Lady Amber. But no, he'd been sent here to make a link with the Baratheons, not the Lannisters. But why couldn't he do both? Squire for Lord Renly and marry Lady Amber? He shook the thoughts from his head.

Lord Renly had been talking the whole time he'd been lost in his thoughts. Loras had no idea what he was saying but Lord Renly had been satisfied with his lack of response so far.

'Anyway, we should be getting to dinner.' He said eventually. Loras just nodded and let his lord lead him back to the castle. As it would happen, Lord Renly had barely showed him any other parts of Storm's End besides the sea and Loras wasn't too keen on that anyway. He could only hope that Lord Renly would remember to get someone to show him to his chambers. And maybe not Lady Amber.

He sat on Lord Renly's left hand side over dinner, with Lady Amber on his right. Loras still couldn't figure out how it could be possibly for Lady Amber to be betrothed to someone else and still sit to Renly's right for meals. It was… it wasn't right! But, as he'd observed before, Storm's End was a strange place. Lady Amber sat in silence, only speaking when Lord Renly addressed her in conversation. She had a sweeter voice than Loras expected her to.

'I've always been envious of those who get to spend time in Highgarden.' Lord Renly said, though Loras was not sure who he was addressing, as Lady Amber was still watching him as he'd barely ended their conversation, yet Highgarden was Loras' home. 'You have all your flowers and sunshine… it sounds blissful.' Lord Renly said, turning to Loras.

'It's lovely, my lord.' He answered truthfully. 'It's a beautiful place.'

'Ah, but is it as beautiful as Lady Amber?' Lord Renly asked him with a smirk. Lady Amber was completely unmoved by the statement, any other lady would have blushed.

'Lady Amber is very beautiful.' Loras said, more to his dinner plate than anyone else. He heard Lord Renly laugh but was too embarrassed to look up.

'There you have it, Lady Amber!' Lord Renly told her. 'You don't need to marry my cousin, you can marry Loras!'

'So it would seem.' She said stiffly, taking a long drink from her cup. Loras had wondered why she'd been named Amber, it seemed a strange name for a Lannister, but when he looked into her eyes he could instantly tell why, they were the colour of molten amber.

'You'll want to watch your drink, my lady.' Lord Renly told her, chuckling as she preceded to have the cup filled once more. She raised it to him in a mock toast before taking another drink, earning herself another laugh from her lord. Loras could have sworn he saw her smile behind her cup. Maybe she truly did want to marry Lord Renly.

'Lady Amber likes to pretend she doesn't like me.' Lord Renly said to Loras, that slick smile still playing on his lips. 'But she finds me amusing, even if she tries to hide it.'

Lady Amber put down her cup and threw a cold stare in her lord's direction. 'Sometimes I pretend so well, you might even think it was true.' And with that she drained what was left of the wine in her cup and turned back to her lord. 'If my lord will excuse me?' But she didn't seem to want to wait for an answer.

'Of course.' He answered her anyway, even though she'd already stood up to leave. Renly laughed and clasped his squire on the back. Loras really wasn't altogether too comfortable with his lord's lack of respect for personal space. 'She's quite a character, isn't she?'

'That, she is, my lord.' Loras answered him, still watching Lady Amber leave the dining hall.

Lord Renly continued chatting to Loras throughout the meal, telling him stories of King Robert and Lord Stannis, though Loras wasn't particularly interested. He nodded along and muttered a few responses but all he really wanted to do was go to his chambers so he could just be alone for a while. He liked his new lord as well as he ought to but trying to listen to all his rambling was tiresome, especially after a long day travelling.

'Come, I'll show you to your chambers.' Lord Renly told him eventually, after half the hall had cleared out and retired. He could only accept his lord's offer, feeling too tired to do anything else. And yet, Renly insisted on making talk all the way there. 'Lady Amber seems to like you.' He said, amongst so many other things.

'Lady Amber? Really, my lord?' Loras had to ask about this one. He'd been given the impression that if there was anything Lady Amber hated most in this world, he could have been it. The idea of marrying him seemed to have repulsed her.

'Oh, yes. She normally just ignores people.' He answered with a grin. 'And, please, you can call me Renly, you know.'

'I'll keep that in mind, my lord.' Loras answered sleepily, not really understanding what he was agreeing to. Renly laughed though, throwing his arm around his squire.

'Come on, we're alone, no one's going to mind! I don't think they'd really mind in public, to be perfectly honest with you, Loras.' Renly told him with a grin. Loras just nodded, too tired to try and shrink away from his lord's grasp. Renly released him eventually, leading him up a winding set of stone steps and stopping at the first door. 'This is yours.' He said, gesturing towards the door.

'Thank you, my lord.'

'_Renly_.'

'Fine.' Loras mumbled. 'Thank you, Renly.'

'Excellent!' He clasped him on the back once more. 'Sleep well, Loras!' He barely had the energy to mutter 'and you' before he shut the door behind him and collapsed onto his bed, falling asleep practically straight away.


	2. Chapter 2

Morning hit him hard, light pouring through the window into the room. But it wasn't the light that woke him, it was the sharp knock on the door followed by a female voice yelling 'Get up!' before moving on up the stairs. He would have woken up within plenty of time, he was sure, but he was definitely up now. He got dressed and washed himself quickly, then hurried out of his room and up the stairs to his lord's.

He opened the door and should not have been surprised to find both the things he found. Renly was still asleep, wrapped up in his sheets and muttering in sleep, while Lady Amber was sitting on the other half of his bed, fully dressed and reading a letter. Loras presumed it was Lady Amber who had woken him.

'Good morning.' She said, her voice still cold and strangely sweet, but she did not look up from the letter.

'Good morning, my lady.' Loras answered politely, starting to go about his duties for the day. He fetched some water and the things Renly would require to shave when he eventually decided to grace the world with his presence for the day. Then he picked up his lord's clothes from the night before.

'You can call me Amber.' Lady Amber told him, still never looking at him. 'If you prefer.'

'Oh… thank you… Amber.' Loras replied shakily. He didn't like engaging Lady Amber in conversation without Renly, it seemed somewhat dangerous.

'But never in public.' She added. Therein lay the difference between herself and Renly. He seemed not to care about the differences between public and private life, Lady Amber had obviously been trained in those elegancies. Loras couldn't help but wonder why Lady Amber was in Renly's chambers in the first place, why it was acceptable for her to sit on his bed while he slept, why she could enter without his permission. Maybe Lord Renly liked her more than he thought.

'Loras, do you think it's about time our lord awakened?' Lady Amber asked him, finally putting down her letter and blessing him with her gaze. Loras swallowed and tried not to look directly into her amber eyes.

'I suppose he can sleep however long he wishes.'

'No, he can't.' Lady Amber decided, giving a swift slap to Renly's cheek. It was still friendly but shocked Loras, nonetheless.

'What?' Renly muttered, rubbing his eyes and forcing himself to sit upright. He was only met with the smirk of Lady Amber. 'Oh, good morning.' He said with his trademark smile. 'And good morning, Loras.' He beamed at his squire.

'Letter.' Lady Amber told him bluntly, pushing the parchment she'd been reading into his hands.

'You opened it?'

'You were asleep.' She said with a shrug.

Renly sighed and shrugged, smiling all the same. 'It's not as if you don't usually.' He scanned over the letter before throwing it back at Lady Amber, who caught it and set it down. 'So he's having a tourney.' Renly said flatly. 'I'm going to dress now.'

Loras took his cue to hand his lord his clothes for the day and turned his back to let him dress. Lady Amber did not allow him the same courtesy, as she stayed exactly where she was. She seemed amused to see Loras turn his back, although she did not laugh.

'There's really no reason to turn your back, Loras.' She told him with a smirk. 'Honestly, you're not missing anything.' She raised one eyebrow in Renly's direction before leaning back on his pillow. There was something curious between Renly and Lady Amber and something told Loras he really did not want to find out what it was.

'It's polite.' He said quietly.

Lady Amber just looked at him with those icy eyes. 'Oh, and Renly pays so much attention to polite courtesies.'

'I'm a _lord_.' Renly said indignantly but Loras could still hear him laughing form behind him.

'Yes, yes, we know.' Lady Amber rolled her eyes and tucked her blonde hair behind her ear. 'Yet Jaime would certainly take that away if he knew I'd seen you dress.'

Renly snorted, now fully dressed, and joined her on his bed once more. Loras relaxed slightly. 'The Kingslayer might like to know that you watch me dress by choice, _my lady_.' He leant over to Lady Amber and moved her hair behind her other ear. She only smirked at him. The gesture itself was romantic but the intent behind it was not. Loras couldn't work out how that could be possible, but he saw it happen and knew that's what it was.

'Besides,' Renly continued. 'I think Robert would be glad to think you'd seen me dress.'

'House Lannister already has a link to House Baratheon.' Lady Amber said bluntly. 'I don't need to marry you, your brother has already made that link.'

'Then why were you betrothed to my cousin?'

'Your cousin is an Estermont, not a Baratheon.'

'The Estermonts have always been our bannermen. Aren't they one and the same?'

'Not necessarily.' Lady Amber told him mysteriously, before climbing gracefully down from his bed and smoothing out her dress. 'You might want to shave before you convene council, my lord.' She told him, before making her way towards the door. She nodded at Loras before she made her exit.

Council was just as dull that day as Loras expected it to be. Lady Amber was as sullen as she was the previous day and Lord Renly behaved equally as comically as before. All Loras really wanted to do was _learn something_. He'd come here to train. He wanted to be a knight, that's why he was here! But instead he was sitting in court listening to townsfolk squabble about stolen livestock. And to make matters worse the weather had taken a turn for the worse and Storm's End was living up to its name. Rain lashed against the windows and the whole castle seemed bitterly cold. So much for Storm's End at least being warm. Renly invited Loras and Lady Amber back to his solar to sit by the fire.

'You're not accustomed to this kind of weather, are you, Loras?' Lady Amber asked him as he shuffled as close to the fire as he could possibly get. He shook his head, trying not to shiver. Lady Amber smirked and shook her head.

'Are you thinking of ways to warm him up, Lady Amber?' Renly asked her with a grin. Lady Amber's expression did not change. Loras presumed she was used to Renly behaving like this, but Loras was completely taken aback by it.

'Of course not.' She answered flatly, raising one eyebrow at Loras. 'How old are you, anyway? You don't seem old enough to hear that kind of talk.'

'I'm thirteen, my lady.'

'Amber.'

'Amber.' He repeated.

'Fine.' She answered with a shrug. 'You look younger.' He knew that all too well. He'd always been small for his age, his brothers thought that might be the reason he wanted to be a knight, to show everyone he was stronger than he looked.

'How old are you, Amber?' He plucked up the courage to ask her. For some reason asking questions to Lady Amber seemed more nerve-wracking than it should.

'Fourteen.' She replied and said nothing more. Renly just grinned at the two of them like there was some kind of hidden joke. Loras just felt awkward. No one had mentioned Renly's age – sixteen – and Loras really didn't see the joke in his and Amber's ages.

'I should go and see if Ser Cortnay needs me to do anything before tomorrow.' Loras said quietly, picking himself up of the floor and hurriedly leaving the room. There was some strange unspoken thing between Lady Amber and Lord Renly and whatever it was, it was starting to make Loras nervous to be around them. It could just be that they were very close friends but he didn't think that was it.

Ser Cortnay seemed pleased that Loras had asked for something to do, but told him there were no jobs to be done, so he skulked back up the stone steps of the tower. He wondered whether he should just go to bed and wait for Lady Amber to bang on the door in the morning, but he didn't feel tired. He didn't think Renly would mind if he went back upstairs to his quarters. But when he got nearer to the door he heard sounds that stopped him proceeding further. He heard muffled voices and moans. He did not want to open that door but for some reason he didn't retreat down the stairs. Maybe he could finally work out what Renly's relationship with Amber really was. But then he heard Lady Amber's voice clearly.

'For the love of the gods, Renly!' She sounded annoyed. He heard Renly groan, somewhere caught between anger and frustration.

'Amber, I'm sorry but I don't know what you want me to say!' It was the first time Loras had ever heard his lord sound anywhere less than happy. 'This isn't something I can control.'

'You could at least _try_!' Lady Amber almost yelled back. Loras could hear rustling sort of sounds – bed sheets? 'I'm trying to help you!'

Renly sighed heavily. 'I know, Amber, I know.' He lowered his voice, trying to calm the argument. 'I'm sorry.'

Loras heard footsteps coming towards the door. He pinned himself to the wall behind the door just as Lady Amber threw it open, narrowly avoiding squashing him behind it. She turned back into the room. 'Don't expect any more help, Renly! That's the last time I embarrass myself like that! You can work this out on your own!' And with that she stormed back down the stone stairs without a second look back. Loras let the door swing shut again and stood there for a while. He couldn't make it look like he was listening but at the same time he was none the wiser about his lord's relations with Lady Amber. If anything, he was more confused. Finally, he opened the door.

Renly was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, his clothes creased and a little out of place. He bolted upright when he noticed Loras enter the room and a smile erupted on his face. Loras could tell it wasn't real.

'Are you okay, my lord?'

'Renly.'

'Are you okay, Renly?' He repeated as he approached him. Renly just grinned at him.

'Of course! Why wouldn't I be?'

Loras just raised his eyebrows and the smile quickly dropped from Renly's face. He tried to straighten out his shirt and turned to face his squire. 'You ran into Lady Amber, didn't you?'

'She didn't seem happy.' Loras said honestly. He didn't run into her at all, but his statement wasn't a complete lie.

'She's not happy.' Renly sighed, gesturing for Loras to sit on the end of his bed. 'I fear I have upset her.'

'It doesn't seem like she'd need too much help getting upset.'

Renly smirked at him but it was half-hearted. 'You're right, of course. But Lady Amber is one of those people you should never wish to be on the wrong side of. She has that, what would you call it, Lannister fire?'

'Hear me roar.' Loras said, repeating the Lannister House words.

'Indeed.' Renly nodded.

'What happened?' Loras asked him, his curiosity getting the better of him. Renly hesitated at this point, like he was weighing up if he could trust his squire. Loras instantly regretted asking. 'You can trust me, Renly.'

He stared at him for a moment. 'We're friends, aren't we, Loras?' Admittedly Loras would not have classified their relationship as far as friends, but he agreed nonetheless, what could be the harm in befriending the lord?

'Alright.' Renly continued with a sigh. 'Lady Amber has resigned herself to the fact that we will probably have to marry, which I ought to also, really. But she's been trying to… help me come to terms with it, shall we say? Only I'm not finding myself so… forthcoming.'

'You have a way with words, Renly.' Loras told him with a smirk. He understood what he was saying, but would have found it far easier if his lord could just have told him plainly. Renly looked embarrassed at the whole idea.

'Well, be that as it may,' he said quietly. 'she's not happy. She says she's embarrassed. I can assure her she is nowhere near as embarrassed as I am.' His usually present smile started to return as he looked back at Loras. 'Maybe she'll resign herself to marrying you instead.' He raised his eyebrows and grinned at his squire. Loras just swallowed hard and tried to think of something to say.

'Would you like that?' Renly asked him, suddenly sounding like he wanted a genuine response. Loras glanced back at the door, just in case Lady Amber was going to return.

'Lady Amber is very beautiful.'

'Yes, you've said that.' Renly told him with a grin.

'I…' Loras didn't know what to tell him. 'I doubt that situation will arise.'

Renly shrugged. 'It could happen. There are worse people for her to marry. You're a lord's son, you'll probably be a knight one day.'

'You really think so?'

'Of course I do.' Renly said honestly, shocked that Loras would even have to ask. 'Don't you want to be a knight?'

'Yes.' He said quickly. 'I've always wanted to.'

'And one day you will be.' Renly told him. 'My brother is hosting a tourney for his name day soon – you should enter. I'm sure my master at arms wouldn't mind training you.'

'Really?'

'You're here to train, aren't you? It's not your fault that I don't spend my time training.' Renly said with a smirk. 'Anyway, I'll arrange that. In the morning, you are going to come with me to buy a present for Amber.'

'Why?'

'Because she's upset.'

'No, why do you want me to come with you?'

Renly turned to look at him and just raised one eyebrow. 'Because I'm asking you to.' And that was that.


	3. Chapter 3

As they left the castle the next morning Loras couldn't help but think the way his lord had spoken to him wasn't an order. He didn't say _because I command you to_ or _I order you to_. He said it was because he was asking, implying Loras had some kind of choice in the matter. He wasn't sure if he liked the idea of having a choice when asked to do something by his lord. But then again, as he frequently reminded himself, Renly didn't seem like the usual sort of lord. Courtesies he'd been taught in Highgarden wouldn't help him here.

'So what are you buying for Lady Amber?' Loras asked him as they entered the marketplace. Traders and stall owners shouting greetings to their lord, which Renly seemed all too happy to return.

'Well,' Renly started, leading his squire through a maze of stalls and shops he seemed to know like the back of his hand. 'she's a Lannister. And what is the Lannister sigil, Loras?'

'A lion.'

'Exactly.'

'You're going to buy her a _lion_?'

Renly burst into laughter as he saw the look of sincerity on Loras' face after saying that. He threw his arm around him again, something Loras decided he'd probably have to get used to. There was also the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that he didn't _really_ mind. After all, it was a friendly gesture and he'd told Renly they were friends.

'I'm going to buy her a cat.' Renly told him, leading him down a final street and into a small shop. 'She's not in Casterly Rock now, she's not among lions, so she can have the closest thing.'

The shop they'd entered had a few small shelves lined with metal cages, each containing some kind of animal. Renly greeted the woman who owned the store as if they were old friends, something he seemed to do with almost everyone in Storm's End. His people really loved him.

'What do you think of this one?' Renly asked him, looking into a cage containing a big, fluffy grey and white cat. It wandered to the front of the cage to stare back at Renly. 'It looks like her, doesn't it?'

'It has her eyes.' Loras said dryly. He had the admit, the cat did have the same amber eyes. Renly grinned at him before he looked back at the cat.

'Alright.' He decided. 'We'll get this one.'

'We?' Loras repeated. 'I haven't done anything to offend Lady Amber.'

'Neither have I.' Renly muttered. 'It's what I _didn't_ do.' He smirked but it was more a joke aimed at himself than anyone else. Loras didn't reply to that, he hadn't been told the appropriate response when your lord tried to discuss that sort of matter. He also realised that his last comment was not something a lord should allow their squire to say – especially in public. It would seem insolent. No, it _was_ insolent. Loras knew it was but there was something about Renly that made him feel more comfortable to speak his mind.

The shop owner came over to them, seeing Renly's interest in the cat. 'She's a beautiful creature, m'lord.' She told him with a smile.

'Ah, it's a she.' He said quietly, turning back to the woman. 'Perfect.'

They carried the cat in its cage back to the castle. The cat didn't seem all too bothered about being carried around, swaying in the cage. She remained totally silent throughout the whole journey. Loras silently thought how much that reminded him of Lady Amber, not speaking unless it seemed like she had to. Except, of course, where Renly was concerned, it would seem. Loras still felt none the wiser on that matter.

'Renly?' He started as they walked back along the path to the castle.

'Yes?' He answered, seemingly pleased not to have to ask Loras to address him so informally.

'Earlier, when you told me about why Lady Amber was angry with you, because…' He glanced back to check no one was in earshot. 'you weren't so… forthcoming, as you put it…'

He saw Renly's expression change to something of slight discomfort as his attention suddenly got taken by the scenery he'd obviously seen countless times before. 'What of it?'

'Well, I hope you don't mind me asking… I don't mean any offence…'

Renly shook his head and laughed, it was a nervous laugh, but friendly. 'You can ask my anything, Loras. I know you want to, you are from Highgarden, after all. From what I hear you people are normally good at speaking your mind.'

Loras could only smirk at that. Granted, Renly was right, but he'd been trying his hardest to impress his lord and be a good squire. It took all his effort to bite his tongue sometimes, but he did it anyway.

'I can't help but wonder, you know… why?' Loras said eventually, not really wanting to look him in the eyes as he said it. He was certain that Renly would be offended by the question, even if he insisted otherwise.

'Why, what?'

'Why you weren't… you couldn't…'

'Don't try and find a nice way to phrase it, Loras. You won't find one.' Renly said with a sigh. The cat looked up at him from the cage, suddenly interested in what they were saying. 'And the simple answer is that I don't know why. She just… She didn't do anything for me. I just didn't feel…' He shrugged as he tried to find the right words. 'Like I was supposed to.'

'Supposed to?' Loras repeated.

Renly nodded and glanced back at the cat. She met his gaze and held it until Renly looked away. 'Well, when you've got a woman like that, I presume there are certain reactions men are supposed to have.'

Loras swallowed and said nothing more. He didn't know what to say. How would he know what reaction was necessary? The closest he'd ever got to a woman was his sister back home and that didn't really count since all he'd ever done with his sister was chase her about the castle when they were children. He didn't know the kind of intimacies his lord was addressing. Evidently Lady Amber did.

'But don't misquote me,' Renly continued. 'I mean no offence to Lady Amber, of course. She was, I presume, doing everything she was supposed to.' He laughed to himself and smiled. 'I just wasn't doing what I was supposed to.' He glanced at his squire and saw him awkwardly looking off into the distance, a flush of red settling on his pale cheeks. Renly smirked. 'Does this make you uncomfortable, Loras? Don't you have too much experience with this kind of thing?'

'No.' He replied quietly, still not tearing his gaze away from the approaching castle.

'I'll let you in on a secret, then.' He said, leaning a little closer to whisper to him. It was only at this point Loras turned his attention to his lord, only to be taken aback by the shocking green of his eyes. He'd never noticed before. But the oddly pleasant clash between Renly's dark hair and impossibly green eyes intrigued him. It intrigued him so much he felt ashamed of it. He deliberately stole a glance back down at the cat.

'I don't have much experience, either.' Renly told him in a hushed tone. 'In fact, the only girl I've even kissed is Lady Amber.'

'But she's betrothed to your cousin…'

Renly gave him a pitying look. 'He's dead, Loras. We all know he's dead.' He sighed sadly. 'It does look like I'm going to have to marry Amber eventually. I'll leave it as long as I can, but I can't put it off forever. My brother's already on my case about it.' He shook his head before putting on an imitation of the King. '_Renly, when on earth are you going to take a wife? Do you want the kingdom thinking you're a eunuch_?' He chuckled to himself over his impression. 'He doesn't know the half of it. I think it may be better for the kingdom if they thought that.' He muttered. Loras just stared at him. What was that supposed to mean? What could Renly possibly be hiding that meant he'd rather the kingdom think that?

'I don't understand…'

Renly put the cat's cage in his other hand so it was no longer in between them. He gave his squire a clasp on the shoulder. 'Neither do I, Loras.' And he stopped the conversation there. If anything, Loras was now even more confused. And if there was one thing he hated, it was not being able to figure something out. He hated being beaten at something. He would find out what secrets Renly was keeping, if only for his pride.

When they returned to the castle they discovered that Lady Amber was in a lesson with the Maester and wouldn't return until later. Renly put the cat in Lady Amber's chambers, still in its cage, and shut the door. He informed Loras that he'd spoken to the master at arms and he could start training today if he wanted to. Of course he wanted to. Loras practically ran down the steps to the yard on hearing that. Renly shook his head as he watched him go. He didn't understand the fascination of mastering a sword or learning to joust. He didn't understand the idea of playing at war. Although, he'd never been in a real war and had no intention of ever being in one.

He made his way down the stone stairs to find Ser Cortnay. There would be messages to answer, the first of which being the invitation to his brother's tourney. Renly didn't mind watching tourneys so much, it was competing that he didn't like. It was expected of a lord of his age that he would compete in the jousting. Truth be told there was nothing Renly would rather do less, but Robert would only be disappointed if he didn't. And besides, it would give the King something else to talk about instead of asking Renly when he was going to marry. He replied to the letter saying he would be attending.

'We have received special request from Lord Tywin Lannister himself asking that Lady Amber attend the tourney, my lord.' Ser Cortnay told him.

'Is it possible he's missed her?' Renly asked him, raising an eyebrow. He never got the impression the Lannisters loved their children any more than just about what was expected. Ser Cortnay gave him a look that told him he probably shouldn't be saying such things, but answered nonetheless.

'She's his niece. I'm sure he's missed her.'

'I'm sure.' Renly said flatly. 'And the Queen? Do you think she's missed her cousin?'

'I could not speak on behalf of the Queen, my lord.' Ser Cortnay answered, but the look on his face told him that the Queen probably wouldn't even have noticed Amber's absence. Although, he could forgive the Queen for that, she was putting up with Robert and raising three young children. But Amber was still family.

After he was done with the business of letters and formalities, Renly made his way down to the yard to see how his squire was doing. He leant against a wall at the edge of the yard to see that Loras was practising with a bow and arrow. He was hitting the board but never managed the centre target. Renly moved across the yard, keeping to the sides to avoid being cornered into doing some training by his master at arms, and went to lean against the wall behind his squire, still saying nothing.

'I know you're there, you know.' Loras said, his eyes not moving from the target board.

'I don't doubt that.' Renly answered, stepping closer to level with his squire. 'You're doing alright with that bow.' It was meant as a compliment but Loras didn't seem to be listening, his face was filled with concentration. His tight curls of hair were all out of place due to the winds. There was something about that Renly liked more than he'd ever admit to, as well as that look of determination on Loras' face. That, he liked an awful lot. He took a casual step back. Whatever was in his head, he wanted it out. Loras was his squire, it was his duty to look after him and train him. In weaponry. Made of steel. Nothing more.

An arrow whipped past his face and embedded itself into the centre target. When Renly looked back at his squire he was looking equally as confused. The owner of the bow took a step out of the shadows. Lady Amber put down the bow and folded her arms across her chest.

'Good shot.' Renly told her with a smirk. She just looked at him with that bored expression he knew Lannisters had a talent for.

'I was aiming for your head.' She said with a shrug.

'That's not very lady-like.' Renly told her with a grin.

'I'm not very lady-like, anyway.' Lady Amber replied with a sly smile, glancing down at Renly's breeches. Loras swallowed and averted his gaze. 'You're probably more lady-like than I am.'

'You wound me.' Renly told her but there was still a grin on his face. Somehow Amber's expression changed and she actually looked a little guilty. Loras knew he must be wrong but he could have sworn it was true.

'I was harsh.' She said eventually. Apparently that was as close as you could get to an apology from Lady Amber.

'No matter,' Renly said, taking Amber's arm and beckoning for Loras to follow them. 'we've bought you a present!'

'We?' Amber repeated, as they entered the stone staircase to the tower. 'I don't recall Loras doing anything to offend me.'

Renly shrugged. 'I'm using the royal we.'

'You're not king yet, Renly.' Amber told him with a rare smile, squeezing his arm for a moment. Loras nearly swallowed his own tongue seeing Lady Amber behave like that as he followed them up the stairs.

'Yet? I'm fifth in line, Amber. I'll be dead by the time I could ever be king!' He laughed, wrapping his arm around Amber's waist as he led her into her chambers. Once again Loras noted that this would typically be a romantic gesture but he got no signs of it being one. There was no feelings behind it. Lady Amber's heart of ice seemed to melt the second she saw the animal on her bed. She immediately opened the cage and carefully picked the cat up. She hugged it to her and it began to purr. She let herself smile at Renly.

'Thank you.' She told him quietly.

'No trouble.' Renly shrugged. 'Do you forgive me?'

'Of course. No one can stay mad at you.' She told him. She lifted the cat in the air and looked in its eyes. The cat nuzzled its nose towards her face and she brought it back to her chest, smiling.

'What are you going to call her?' Renly asked her, taking a seat on her bed. Loras just stood there slightly awkwardly.

'Lioness.' Amber told him, her gaze shifting to Loras. 'Do you like cats, Loras?'

'I've never met one.' He said honestly. Amber moved closer, carrying the cat.

'Would you like to meet a cat?' She asked him quietly, her voice barely more than a whisper as he realised she was standing directly in front of him, nothing but the cat separating them. Renly kicked his legs up onto the bed and just watched them, an unreadable expression on his face. Loras could feel himself blushing.

'Go on.' Amber told him, taking his hand and placing it on Lioness' head. The cat stared up at him and started purring again and he scratched her ears. He managed a weak smile at Amber. 'See? We don't bite.' She said with a strange smile. Loras was glad when she turned her back to go back to her bed, so she couldn't see the bright shade of red he was certain his face was. He could just make out Renly grinning at him as he tried desperately to stare at the floor.

'I think you've made him a little uncomfortable, Amber.' Renly said eventually, just after Loras thought he had stopped blushing. He wanted to glare at his lord for saying that at that point, as he felt his cheeks flush all over again.

'Then maybe you should leave, Renly. I can fix that.' She raised her eyebrows and put the cat on her bed. Lioness padded around in circles for a while before curling up. Loras didn't know where to look. He wanted a hole in the ground to just swallow him up so he didn't have to face the situation he was in.

'Okay, I'm sorry, Loras.' Renly told him with a smile. He turned to Amber to explain. 'I think I've embarrassed him.'

'So you care when you embarrass your squire.' Amber muttered darkly.

'I care when I embarrass you!' He said quickly, reaching out to touch Amber's shoulder so she looked back at him. 'I bought you a cat.'

'I know, I know.' Amber replied, sighing and leaning back against Renly. Loras wanted to just close his eyes, he was running out of places to avert his gaze to. He desperately thought he shouldn't be there.

'We're going to have to work it out at some point, though.' Amber told Renly quietly. 'If we're going to marry in the end.'

'Do we? I mean can't we just-'

'No.' Amber cut him off instantly. 'Can you imagine if you didn't have heirs? Isn't that the _reason_ people marry? How do you intend to produce them?'

'Amber, stop it now.'

She rolled her eyes and folded her arms, still leaning against Renly, though. She glanced back at Loras, who had wedged himself into the corner of the room out of embarrassment. 'Gods, Loras, you can stop looking so uncomfortable.' He managed to take his eyes off the floor and meet Lady Amber's for a few seconds. She got up off Renly and stood up beside the bed, staring at the squire.

'Come here.' She told him. He just shook his head wordlessly. 'Your lady commands it.'

'He's _my _squire, Amber.'

'I'm still a lady.'

Loras knew she was right. He should do what she said anyway. But he knew it was something bad, the way she was looking at him told him he was doing something she didn't like. He'd never met a Lannister before but he was starting to hope he never met another. He did as she told him and shuffled across the room and towards to her.

'Closer.' He took one more step. Amber sighed and he felt her grab his shoulders and pull him straight to her, standing without a gap between them. He could feel his cheeks flush, praying for her not to notice. 'You shouldn't be nervous.' She told him quietly, in what was a surprisingly soft voice coming from Amber. He didn't answer her, knowing full well his face was still bright red. Amber gently pushed him away and sat back down on the bed.

'You're both useless.' She decided, pushing Renly back onto the bed and resting her head on his chest.

'He seems content enough.' Loras said, forgetting his place due to his embarrassment. Amber only smirked and looked back at Renly. His eyes met hers for a fraction of a second before he looked away.

'If only.' Lady Amber said, pushing herself to sit upright and off Renly. He didn't move from his position.

There was a clatter from the hallway, at which point everyone turned to stare at the door. They heard someone shouting Amber's name over and over until the door swung open. Loras saw a child with dark hair grinning in the doorway, clutching a piece of parchment.

'Amber!' The child called to her. Lady Amber allowed him a small smile before getting off the bed and walking over to the child.

'That would be Lady Amber to you, Edric.' She told him, but there was no force behind it. She thanked him and took the scroll from him. He hovered in the doorway for a moment until eventually Renly called him to him, getting up and spinning the child round in the air. Amber scanned the parchment, rolled it up again and stuffed it into a draw. Her expression was stony.

'I think you should leave.' She said, her voice unusually quiet. 'It's getting late.'

Loras didn't need to be told twice. Renly deposited the child back outside and shut the door behind them. He didn't seem surprised at Amber's sudden change of heart. Apparently mood swings were another Lannister trait Loras would have to get used to. The child skipped back off down the stairs happily and distant 'Goodnight, uncle Renly!' could be heard before another door shut at the bottom of the stairs.

'Uncle?' Loras asked him.

Renly nodded, still smiling after the child. 'Robert's bastard. One of many.' He said with a laugh. 'Lovely boy, though.'

'He looks like you.' Loras commented quietly, still trying to get used to the amount of freedom he had when speaking to his lord. Renly seemed pleased to hear that and smiled, leaning back against the wall.

'He'll grow up to be quite dashing then, won't he?' He answered with a grin. Once more Loras found himself at a loss for words. How was he supposed to answer something like that? Say yes and it could start a very strange situation, say no and he might offend him.

'Don't feel like you need to answer, Loras.' Renly smirked at his attempt to find a reply. 'I already know how blessed I am in that department, I don't need you to tell me.'

As much as Loras would never dream of voicing it, Renly was right. He was blessed in that area. He had all the classic elements of good looks, and he knew it. What worried Loras most, however, was that he also knew it. Why was he taking such notice? He knew he should be thinking about how lovely Lady Amber was, about her eyes, about her hair, about her… he didn't even want to think about it, he'd only make himself blush again. Renly seemed to notice his discomfort, which only made Loras more nervous.

'Are you alright, Loras?' He asked him curiously, leaning a little closer to get a better look at him. Loras wanted to back away but the wall behind him wouldn't allow it. If anything, the thing that would help him least was Renly leaning closer to him. That only made him more worried.

'Mm. Fine.' He mumbled, trying to look away. Renly made him almost jump when he placed his hand under Loras' chin and turned his face to stare back at him, before he just smirked.

'It's Amber, isn't it?'

'W-what?'

'You're thinking about her, aren't you?'

'I don't know what you mean.'

Renly let go of him and just laughed, walking back down the stairs to Loras' chambers and opening the door for him. He couldn't help but think how backwards this was.

'You're thinking about all the things I'm _not_ doing with Lady Amber, aren't you? How you'd be able to _react_ to her?'

'Stop it, please.' Loras told him in little more than whisper.

'It's alright, you know.' Renly told him, draping his arm around his squire. 'It's perfectly natural.'

'_Please_. Stop it.'

Renly took a step back, observing him, something strange behind his eyes. 'Or maybe you're not thinking about Amber.'

'_Just stop it_!' Loras lost his temper at that, immediately regretting raising his voice when Renly took a hurried step backwards, a nervous looking smile on his face.

'Sorry, sorry.' He told him. 'I apologise. I overstepped the mark.'

Loras shook his head and ran his hand through his unruly hair. 'You _can't_ overstep the mark, you're my lord. You can say whatever you want. It's me who should be sorry. I shouldn't have yelled.'

'You can yell if you want to.' Renly said with a shrug. 'It's not as if you didn't give me fair warning.'

'Well… I'm sorry, anyway.' Loras knew it didn't bother Renly, but even for his own piece of mind he had to apologise. Renly only smiled at him, gave him a gentle pat on the back and made for the door.

'It's alright, Loras.' He told him, opening the door to leave. 'Goodnight.' And with that he was gone. Loras sighed deeply and dropped himself onto his bed. He had learned today that not only did Renly seem to have a habit of invading personal space, he also liked to invade privacy. Loras wasn't one for sharing his feelings. The only person he ever talked to like that was his little sister, but she was all the way back in Highgarden. He tried to sleep for a while but he just couldn't, his mind was still ticking away trying to figure out Lady Amber. And Renly. And his impossible green eyes… And – Loras bolted up from his pillow. He'd almost drifted off to sleep but his last thought had bothered him. Why had that been on his mind at all? He didn't even want to know. He was probably just trying to adjust to the new situation. He hadn't been there long, he was just nervous. Or at least that's what he was going to keep telling himself.


	4. Chapter 4

Loras sighed deeply and dropped himself onto his bed. He had learned today that not only did Renly seem to have a habit of invading personal space, he also liked to invade privacy. Loras wasn't one for sharing his feelings. The only person he ever talked to like that was his little sister, but she was all the way back in Highgarden. He tried to sleep for a while but he just couldn't, his mind was still ticking away trying to figure out Lady Amber. And Renly. And his impossible green eyes… And – Loras bolted up from his pillow. He'd almost drifted off to sleep but his last thought had bothered him. Why had that been on his mind at all? He didn't even want to know. He was probably just trying to adjust to the new situation. He hadn't been there long, he was just nervous. Or at least that's what he was going to keep telling himself.

A scratching sound at the door stopped his thoughts. For a moment he was grateful for it but after a while it became annoying. He opened the door and Lioness shot into the room, leaping onto his bed and rolling over, purring. Loras sighed and glanced down the corridor. No one was there, Lioness must have wandered out of Amber's chambers. He knew he should take her back but he really didn't want to go in search of Amber. She made him uncomfortable. He put it out of his mind and picked up Lioness, who cuddled against his chest as he left his chambers. He knew he couldn't just let the cat wander around the castle at night, he had no option but to return her to Amber.

He knocked on the door before he stood waiting for an answer.

'Who is it?' He heard Amber call from somewhere behind the door.

'Loras, my lady.' He answered, then remembered who else was there. 'And Lioness.'

'Enter.' Amber called back. Loras open the door and shut it behind him before he even looked into the room. Lady Amber was sitting in a bathtub at the far end of the room.

'Gods.' Loras couldn't help but mutter as he all but dropped the cat and forced his eyes shut.

'Grow up, Loras.' He heard her tell him. 'You really should learn that there's no such thing as modesty here.' Maybe she was right, he thought. After all, she had watched Lord Renly get dressed and he didn't seem bothered by it. But still, Loras didn't want to open his eyes. 'Open your eyes and come here.' When he still didn't move Lady Amber deployed her favourite tactic of getting Loras to do what she wanted. 'Your lady commands it.' So he opened his eyes and steadily walked across the room, deliberately watching his feet rather than Amber. 'Sit.' She instructed. He sat on the floor next to her bathtub. When he eventually looked back at her, her blonde hair was wet but so were her eyes. They were red and puffy.

'Amber…' Loras started, completely taken aback by her eyes. Maybe she'd just got soap in them, but he doubted it. 'are you alright?'

'Does it look like I'm alright?' She snapped, but there was no malice in her voice. She knew perfectly well she didn't look alright. 'They're sending me home, Loras.' She told him quietly. He stared at her.

'Home?'

'Casterly Rock.' She clarified. 'It would seem that my uncle has tired of waiting for Renly to marry me.'

'But you… can't you tell him? He'd ask if you knew you were leaving.'

Amber shook her head and bit her lip to keep back tears. 'It's too late for that. They'll marry me to someone else.'

'But when…'

'After the Tourney.' She answered with a sigh. 'I'll travel up with Renly's host and return with my uncle.'

'I'm so sorry, Amber.'

And they sat in silence for a long time after that, the only sound being the soft purr of Lioness as she rolled over on Amber's bed. Amber leant back against the bathtub and ducked her head under the wash away any more tears. Loras could even feel the sting behind his own eyes. Although Amber had seemed cold and harsh, and she was a Lannister, and she made him uncomfortable… he'd miss her. A lot.

'How long until the Tourney?' He asked her quietly.

'Two weeks.' She sighed, running her hand through her damp hair. 'You're entering, aren't you?'

'I think so.'

'Are you good?'

'Yes.'

She smirked at him and shook her head. 'And so modest.'

'You said there was no such thing here.'

'You're too clever.' She told him with a sad smile. 'I'm going to miss you and your awkwardness.'

'I'll miss you, too.' Loras told her honestly. 'And I'm sure Renly will miss you most.'

A fresh wave of tears escaped Amber's eyes and it took her a moment to compose herself enough to talk, her voice was failing her. 'I'll miss him the most, too.' She said in a near whisper.

'Can I ask you something?'

'You don't need to ask.' Amber replied. Loras was immediately reminded of Renly when she said that, making his next question even more potent.

'You love him, don't you?'

Amber bit down hard on her lip but nodded all the same, tears streaming down her face. Loras knew it was inappropriate but he also knew Amber was upset, so he reached out and stroked his hand through her hair. She leant against the side of the bathtub so she was a little closer. Amber's icy exterior was most definitely thawed.

'Does he know?'

Amber shook her head lightly, Loras still stroking her hair. Lioness purred louder.

'You should tell him.'

She shook her head again, for some reason looking more distressed than before. 'He won't say it back, Loras.'

'He might. You always look so happy together.'

'But we won't be happy together. He… he's not…' She wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to clear her throat. 'He's different.' She said finally.

'I don't understand…'

'He's trying to understand it.' Amber said cryptically, lifting her head to look back at her friend. 'But he'll never love me.'

'I can't see why not.'

Amber managed a weak smile back at him. 'Thank you.' She told him quietly. 'But trust me. He doesn't love me and he never will.'

'But why?'

'That's not for me to say.'

Loras could tell he wasn't going to hear anything else on the matter. Amber lifted his head with her hand gently and for once he didn't feel embarrassed at her touch.

'You're a good man, Loras.' She told him sincerely. He smiled back at her as she eased his face closer to hers and placed a soft kiss on his lips. He knew it meant nothing since she'd just told him she loved Renly, but he knew it did mean _something_. It meant she'd miss him. It meant she valued his friendship. It was a memory. 'Thank you for bringing back Lioness. Thank you for talking.' She dropped her hand and flashed a classic Lannister smirk back at him. 'But don't expect me to be nice to you tomorrow.'

'I would never expect that.' He got up, averting his gaze from looking inside the bathtub, which only made Amber laugh weakly, before he turned to leave. 'Goodnight.' He told her. She repeated the sentiment before he left and shut the door.

After that Loras spent all his days training. He knew how to fight, he hadn't been short of training in Highgarden but he wanted to be at his best. He'd never fought in a tourney before but the memory of what happened to his brother, Willas, still haunted him. Garlan had turned out alright, he fought in tourneys from time to time and he'd never been hurt like Willas had. But all the same, it worried him. He loved his brother but he'd never want a life like he had. Loras wanted to be a knight, if he couldn't do that… he didn't know what he'd do. He quite literally had never planned for anything else. All the more reason why he wanted to train harder.

'There's such a thing as too much practice, you know.' Renly told him that evening, while he sat with Loras and Amber by the fire in his solar. Amber was drinking wine and her eyes hollowed out whenever Renly wasn't looking. Loras knew she still hadn't told him yet.

'No there isn't.' He answered strongly. 'I want to do well.'

'And you _will_.' Renly said. 'But you'll work yourself to death if you're not careful.'

Amber simply shook her head, placing her cup back on the floor. 'Leave him be, Renly. You took on a squire, not a friend.'

'I'd somewhat hoped I'd taken on both.'

'He's a squire first and foremost.' Amber reminded him. 'And if he competes in this tourney, you can't blame him for wanting to win.' Loras just smirked at her and nodded in agreement.

'Fine.' Renly gave in. 'It would appear I'm outnumbered. Very well, train all you like Loras. I'll just go and find something else to occupy my time.'

Amber pushed him gently. 'Don't be so dramatic, Renly.' She said with her trademark smirk. 'I only have lessons once a day and you do actually have things to do, you know.'

'Ser Cortnay deals with everything.'

'You could always help him.'

'He says I get in the way.'

'You probably do.'

Loras could watch them argue all day, he still found it as amusing as the first time he'd met them. Amber would flash him the odd look now and then that would make Loras wonder why he'd never realised she was in love with Renly before now. Of course, he still wondered why he'd never marry Amber, what his secret was that she wasn't willing to tell. But he tried to put it out of his mind. No matter how often Renly wanted Loras to tell him things about himself, Loras could never bring himself to ask the same questions. It still felt wrong.

Renly seemed to seek him out after Loras had finished training for the day. He'd go back to his chambers and find Renly leaning against the wall by his door, or meet him on the stairs. Loras didn't mind, as such, it was just that sometimes he just wanted to _rest_. Loras dropped himself onto his bed as Renly shut the door behind him, perching on the end of his bed.

'Enjoy training today?'

'Yes.'

'Ready for the tourney?'

'Yes.'

'Want me to stop talking?'

'Yes.'

And that just made Renly laugh. He didn't leave though. Loras wanted to tell him to go but he didn't know how he could say that without it sounding offensive, or like he didn't value his company. Especially with Amber and her situation, he really wanted to tread carefully.

'Aren't you scared of entering the tourney?' Renly asked him, crossing his legs and looking back at him. Loras just wanted to stare at the ceiling forever and ignore the question, but he knew Renly wouldn't just go away. He sighed and propped himself up on a pillow to look back at his lord.

'No, I'm not.' He said finally. 'Why should I be?'

Renly shrugged and waited a while before he spoke, re-arranging his words in his head. 'Well, with what happened to your brother, I just thought…'

'What happened to Willas won't happen to me.' Loras told him defiantly. From the way Renly looked back at him Loras realised he may have put a little too much defiance behind his voice. Renly just smirked.

'Confident, aren't we?' He grinned at him. 'You'll be facing off with the Kingslayer next.'

'I'd win if I did.' Loras told him. Renly shook his head and chuckled at that. In all honesty, he thought his squire's confidence was oddly attractive. That bold sense that he could do anything he wanted to.

'I'm sure you would.'

'Do you mock me?'

'No!' Renly answered quickly, a grin appearing on his lips. 'Of course not! Only, you're thirteen years old…'

'So? Ser Jaime was fifteen when he joined the Kingsguard.'

'But he's not fifteen anymore, Loras.'

'_I know_.' He bit back, folding his arms and glaring across the room. 'I'll still win, even if you don't believe me.'

'I do believe you!' Renly laughed, leaning forward involuntarily as he spoke. Loras noticed but found himself disinclined to do anything about it.

'Prove it.'

'How?' He asked, a strange kind of smile creeping onto his lips. Loras swallowed and looked away. He knew Renly didn't mean it like that, of course he didn't, Loras was imagining it. But why would he imagine it? Did he _want_ him to do that? He pushed the thought out of his head.

'You could put a bet on me.' He told him eventually, surprising himself as to how small and weak his voice sounded. 'I hear Littlefinger is always willing to bet with someone.'

'You want me to bet against Littlefinger?' Renly repeated. 'He's the master of coin, he knows what he's doing when it comes to money.'

'So you don't believe me.'

Renly sighed and leaned back against the bedpost. Loras finally remembered to breathe. 'Fine. If that's what it will take, then alright. I'll make a bet on you.' He smirked to himself. 'Even though you of all people should know that my family is broke.'

'Then all the more reason to bet on me,' Loras told him with a shrug. 'you'll be betting with my father's money.' Loras was aware that the crown borrowed an awful lot of money and he was equally aware that a substantial amount of it had come from Highgarden.

'Done.' Renly answered with a grin. 'You'd better be good, though.'

'I will be.'

'I don't doubt it.'

Loras somewhat misliked the tone of his lord's voice at that last statement. Well, no, it's not that he didn't _like _it. It wasn't a matter of like or dislike. He found it ambiguous. He couldn't work out what it meant. It was misleading but at the same time didn't lead anywhere. Loras was still pondering the many misleading moments with his lord after Renly had left to let Loras sleep.

The lightning struck somewhere outside, Loras saw it through the window. He was used to the storms by now but this one seemed worse than the others. The thunder was louder, it shook the walls. He tried to put it out of his mind as he lay shivering under the sheets, but he couldn't. All he could do was lie there and watch the storm. He wondered if you ever got used to this kind of storm, whether Amber had got used to it. Whether even Renly had got used to it. He doubted he'd ever be able to consider this place home. You just didn't get this kind of horrible storm at Highgarden. The weather was always warm, it was usually sunny and even when it rained it was still warm. He missed home.


	5. Chapter 5

A knock on the door woke up from his thoughts, making him jump in the process. It took another knock for him to realise he wasn't dreaming and that it wasn't thunder.

'Yes?'

'It's Renly.'

Loras groaned. He wanted to suffocate himself with his own pillow. Renly opened the door without being invited. Loras felt the bed move as Renly sat down somewhere behind him.

'What?' Loras asked him, well aware that his tone was not the kind you address your lord with.

'I thought you might be, um, afraid of the storm. I just wanted to see if you were okay.' Renly replied in an unusually quiet voice. Loras just stared in the darkened corner of the room in front of him. He didn't want to turn over and look at Renly. He felt strange on hearing that he was worried about him. He couldn't place the strange feeling.

'Sorry if I overstepped the mark.' Renly continued, as the bed shifted again as he got up. 'Clearly you're alright.'

Loras fought with his conscience for a moment. Maybe Renly was concerned, or maybe he himself was afraid of the storm. Either way, he'd come to Loras as a friend and the least he could do was acknowledge it.

'Renly,' He said eventually, forcing himself to sit up and look at him. Renly turned away from the door and looked back at him, his expression masked by the darkness of the room. 'I'm sorry. I'm just tired.'

'It's perfectly alright.' Renly answered, not moving closer or further. 'I'll just let you go back to sleep. I must have woken you. I'm sorry.' He made another reach for the door.

'You didn't wake me.' Loras told him. 'I couldn't sleep.' He sighed and leant back against his pillow. 'The storm's too loud.'

Renly seemed, for once, at a loss for words. Loras watched him through the darkness. Could it really be then Renly didn't actually know what to say? Loras smirked at that idea. Truth be told, Renly didn't know what Loras wanted him to do, did he want him to leave or stay? He stopped him going for the door, but he never told him to stay.

'You don't have storms in Highgarden?' Renly asked him, leaning against the bed post but still not sitting back down. Loras was slightly saddened by that but he didn't know why.

'Not really.' He said. 'We had one once, so my sister and our cousin came into my room and we sat telling stories until it was over.'

'That sounds lovely.'

'It was. But we were all terrified of the storm, so it didn't seem so lovely at the time.' Loras answered with a laugh. He was glad when he heard Renly laugh as well. He was starting to think he'd done something to offend him.

'I don't know many stories.' Renly admitted. 'I'm not going to be much use, I'm afraid.'

'I don't need stories now.' Loras told him honestly. 'I've grown up. It's just a storm.'

'My parents were killed in a storm.'

Loras didn't say anything after that. He didn't know what to say. Renly didn't speak for a while after, either. How was Loras supposed to know that? And Renly started the conversation about storms, anyway.

'Sorry.' Renly said eventually. 'I don't even remember them. Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.'

'You shouldn't apologise.' Loras told him quietly. 'You can talk about whatever you want to. You're a lord, remember?'

Renly laughed and just nodded. 'I suppose I am.'

Loras found a shred of courage from somewhere inside. He had plenty of courage with a sword or a lance, but with words? They took a little more courage. 'Renly,' he started. 'why did you come down here?'

'I thought you might be scared of the storm. I told you.'

'Yes, but then what? Even if I was afraid, what would you have done then?'

A silence sat around the two for a while. Renly stared into the night for a while. What did he plan to do? 'I suppose… I don't know. I'd have tried to comfort you.'

'How?'

'I don't know, alright? I acted on impulse. I was going to… adapt.'

'Adapt?'

'I don't know! If you wanted comforting, you'd tell me how you wanted comforting.'

'Very comforting.' Loras muttered with a smirk. It was nice to see Renly struggle to string a sentence together. 'You can sit, you know.' He did what was offered and sat down on the edge of the bed. 'You know what's actually comforting?'

'What?'

'Seeing you lost for words.'

He heard him laugh again and sigh as he turned around to look back at his squire. 'You know, most ordinary people would want a hug or some friendly words. You? You want me to feel humiliated.'

'Yes.' It was too late at night to lie about it. And somehow, Loras didn't think he'd mind. 'It's makes you… vulnerable.'

'That's not a good thing.'

'It can be.'

'It's never a good thing to be vulnerable.'

Loras shook his head with a smile and let that conversation lie. 'How's Amber? Is she afraid of storms?'

Renly was silent for a while after that. 'No.' He said eventually, before he moved himself a little closer to Loras so he could see his expression. Loras didn't move away. For one, he physically couldn't, but for two, he couldn't find the strength. 'Why does everything with you come back to Lady Amber?'

Loras gaped at him. 'Everything does _not_ come back to Amber!' He bit back, unable to control his temper at that remark. Amber? The only reason he'd asked was because he wanted to know if she'd told Renly she was leaving. He didn't… Amber wasn't… It was too late at night for this, he decided.

'If you say so.' Renly replied with a shrug, shifting his gaze back across the room. Loras felt a sadness in that but he couldn't place why.

'I do say so. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that everything with _you_ hinges on Lady Amber. I've not known her long, she's known you for years.' When Renly turned back to look at him, he instantly regretted saying it. It stung to see the taken aback look in his lord's eyes and the slightest hint that he'd angered him. He had to remind himself that Lord Renly didn't get angry. He'd told him to speak freely.

But then he broke a smile and actually laughed. 'Brilliant.' He said with a grin.

'What is?'

'You!' He said, a smirk playing on his lips. 'It's better entertainment than a week at a tourney to wind you up.'

'I should imagine you don't find tourneys too entertaining anyway.' Loras muttered, folding his arms and sending a glare in Renly's direction. That only made him laugh again.

'I don't like entering tourneys, sure enough, but I don't mind watching them.' He said, a hint of something else in his voice that Loras couldn't decipher. He just stayed silent and watched him. 'But you are very amusing to wind up.'

'I'm glad you find it so funny.' Loras said flatly.

Renly chuckled to himself and shook his head. 'I'm sorry.' He said with a grin that said he wasn't sorry at all. What he did next Loras knew was a friendly gesture, but it scared him all the same. Renly put his hand on Loras' ankle through the sheets. Loras felt his whole body tense up.

'Sorry.' Renly muttered, immediately retracting his hand. 'Accident.' He decided, only then to change his mind. 'Friendly. I mean, it was a gesture. Well, I think-'

'Alright.' Loras cut him off. It confused him seeing Renly get flustered about things, it was such a rare sight. He noted that he only seemed to get that way around him. He put that aside and tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Renly only really had Lady Amber's company and how you talk to a woman is very different, Loras told himself. Amber wouldn't flinch at that sort of touch even if she wasn't completely in love with him. Besides that, it seemed that Renly had spent most of his time alone. 'I just wasn't expecting it.' Loras added eventually, realising his original response may have seemed harsh.

'Right.' Renly said quietly. 'Because I'm sure your brothers and sister never made friendly gestures towards you.'

Loras had to bite his tongue to stop himself saying something stupid. Granted, Renly had the right of it, his brothers were always play fighting with him – well, Garlan, anyway – and he'd often play games with Margaery and let her cuddle up to him at night. He was used to affectionate gestures. Just not from Renly. For some reason it made him nervous. He knew it was irrational, Renly was only trying to replace the love he didn't have from his own brothers, Loras told himself. Stannis never seemed too affectionate and Robert was in King's Landing. It was only natural he'd want a replacement brother.

'I'm just saying,' Loras continued. 'I understand-'

'_No_,' Renly interrupted him this time, something darker behind his tone. That really frightened Loras. 'you don't. How could you possibly understand? Even Amber knows the truth of it all she _still_ can't understand!' His raised voice sent chills down Loras' spine. He didn't know the protocol for when something made Renly angry. What was he meant to say? He recoiled as much as he could but it was a little difficult when he'd already pinned himself against the wall behind his bed.

'I… I just…' Loras stammered, trying to locate at least a few words. 'I only meant that… you don't have too many people your age here… Your brothers are older, I mean. You just…' I drew breath and forced himself to think. 'I'm your _friend_, Renly. If you want to make friendly gestures, you have every right. Like I said, I just wasn't expecting it. I can hardly even see you, for a start.' He said it all even though he felt like they were talking about different things. What did Amber have to do with anything? What truth did she know? All these things about Amber frustrated Loras. He liked her well enough but she knew everything he didn't. She was a Lannister, she didn't even belong in Storm's End! Loras then had to remind himself that neither did he. If there was anyone who did not belong at Storm's End, it was a Tyrell.

'Thank you.' Renly said eventually, his voice considerably quieter. 'You're right. I suppose I just lack some company nearer my own age. I'm used to having Amber around and she's very… well, you've met her, after all.' He sighed and dropped himself back to lie at the foot of Loras' bed. He now felt glad he'd moved his legs. 'If that's the only thing that bothered you about it then… well… good. Thank you.'

'You've said thank you already.'

'I know.' He said quietly, and Loras heard a small laugh. He couldn't help but share it. 'You really are quite insolent, for a squire, aren't you?' Renly asked him, turning to face him and propping himself up on one elbow. The small amount of light from the window managed to fall exactly on Renly's eyes, those glittering green eyes. Loras was lost for a moment, just watching the moonlight dance in his eyes. He swallowed and forced his attention elsewhere.

'I suppose I am.' He said eventually. 'But you told me to speak freely. And you said we were friends.'

'So did you.'

'Because we are.'

'Yes,' Renly agreed. 'we are.' He pushed himself up off the bed and straightened out his clothes, only then turning back to Loras. 'Well. It's probably about time I got back to my own chambers.' It was only then that Loras observed that Renly was still dressed in the same clothes as before, he hadn't changed for bed.

'Weren't you sleeping?' Loras asked him. 'You know, before you came down here?'

'No.' Renly shook his head. 'I couldn't sleep.' He sighed and made for the door. 'Goodnight, Loras.'

Loras tried to fight what he did next, but he couldn't keep it back. Something was clearly bothering Renly, he wasn't even sleeping. And Loras felt like he still owed him something after his own gross overreaction to Renly touching him. It was friendly and he jumped back like some startled maid.

'Renly,' He started. He waited until he'd turned back to face him before he continued, still trying to wrestle with his conscience to stop himself. 'what if I was a little scared of the storm?'

He heard Renly laugh again as he walked back across the room and leant on the bedpost to look back at him. 'And what would you have me do if you were? Heavens forbid I should try and comfort you. I'd put my arm around you and you'd burst into flames.'

'That's not fair-'

'I'm joking.' He said with a grin. 'But in all seriousness, what do you want me to do?'

Loras shrugged. He'd not thought of that yet. 'I don't know.'

Renly sat back on his bed again, lying down to stare at the ceiling at the bottom of the bed. 'Well, I'll just be here when you decide. Staring at the ceiling. Waiting.' Loras smirked at how backwards this is all was. Here he'd got the lord of Storm's End waiting at the foot of his bed for his squire to make up his mind.

'I'm your squire.' Loras reminded him. 'You're supposed to be ordering me around, not the other way around.'

'I'm perfectly content taking orders from you.' Renly answered. 'I've never been very good at commanding people, anyway. I've discovered they're more likely to do what you want them to if you ask nicely.'

Loras snorted at that. 'Try telling that to every other lord in Westeros.'

'I should try telling it to the king, first.' He grinned at Loras before he took up his position staring at the ceiling again. 'Anyway. What do you want me to do? Hug you? Play a game? Only, it's a little cold where I am, and I'm not going to lie, I'm not going to sleep at the foot of your bed.'

'I don't know many games.' Loras confessed. Games in Highgarden revolved around the ability to go outside, and in this weather, that seemed unlikely.

'So the hug's out of the question then.'

'I told you, that's not fair.'

'Are you even tired?' Renly asked him suddenly, turning over to look at him.

'I suppose not.' Loras answered honestly, before glancing back. 'Why?' Renly just raised his eyebrows at that. He wasn't overly fond of the distrusting way Loras had asked why.

Renly sat up. 'Do you want to go outside?'

'In a storm? Are you mad?'

'That will be the Targaryen blood.' Renly told him. 'Come on, Loras, where's your sense of adventure?'

'In Highgarden.' He said flatly.

Renly just gave him a playful look. 'There's this place in the woods where there are so many trees they shelter it from the rain.'

'I'm sheltered here.'

'Yes, but I want you to come and meet someone.'

'Someone who lives in the woods?'

'Yes.' Renly answered indignantly. 'It sounds ridiculous, and in a way it is, but she's lovely. She's brilliant. She can see things other people can't. Honestly, you'll regret it if you don't meet her.'

Loras considered it, his eyes flitting back to the window. 'In the morning.' He decided. When Renly looked back at him disbelievingly, Loras just shook his head. 'I promise, we can go in the morning. I don't want to go outside when it's like this.'

'It'll still be raining in the morning.'

'I know but… but it won't be…'

'It won't be _dark_.' Renly finished his sentence for him. Loras didn't want to admit it, but the idea of going outside while it was this dark scared him. He'd get over it eventually, he knew. He'd have to. He was going to be a knight, and knight's weren't afraid of the dark. But he also knew that unknown things lurked in the dark, especially in the woods.

'It's alright, you know.' Renly told him. 'It's natural to be scared of the dark.' Loras just looked at him, willing him to stop talking about it. He knew it was pointless, though. He buried his head in his pillow and turned away. He was allowed a few moments of peace before he felt Renly's hand on his shoulder. He didn't flinch this time but he still couldn't place why it made him so anxious. He let himself be rolled back over as Renly had chosen to sit on the other half of his bed. Loras glared up at him.

'Can we stop talking about this now, please?' Loras asked him, remembering what he'd said before about asking nicely.

Renly sighed and shrugged. 'If you want to.'

'Just let me go to sleep and tomorrow we'll do whatever you want.' Loras told him. Renly only laughed and smirked at him.

'If you say so.' He said. 'Shall I go now?'

This time Loras didn't have to fight his conscience, he made the decision without consulting his brain first. 'No.' He told him, throwing him a half of the blanket. And that was the end of it. Loras turned back over and went to sleep, not catching the confused look on his lord's face. He stayed there, nonetheless.


	6. Chapter 6

Sunlight woke Loras up first. He squinted at the curtains, thankful the storm had cleared away the rain. He smiled. Then he remembered he wasn't alone. He got out of bed and just observed his lord, still sleeping. He looked so peaceful lying there, breathing lightly and mumbling a tangle of words in the pillow. Loras smirked at him as he watched. He'd noticed by now that waking up wasn't something Renly was too good at. He then noticed something on the floor by the door. He walked over, careful to be quiet so as not to wake his friend, and picked up the small note.

_Renly – I have an early lesson this morning, I didn't want to wake you. Or interrupt. Take your pick._

_Amber_

Loras stared at it, re-read it and almost dropped it. Interrupt? Interrupt what? Loras swallowed as some kind of realisation set in. Surely Amber didn't think… why would she think…

'Loras, what's that?'

This time he actually dropped it. He stared back at Renly, wide-eyed, before he got to the floor and picked it up again.

'Note from Amber.' He said hurriedly. He quickly folded it in his hand. 'I didn't read it.' He passed it to Renly and tried to keep his composure. Renly raised an eyebrow at him.

'If you haven't read it, how did you know it was from Amber?'

'Oh.' Loras said quietly. He didn't need to say anything else. Renly smirked at him and then lowered his eyes to read the note. The smile dropped. He cleared his throat and folded up the note.

'I should really go.' Renly told him, getting up out of bed and pocketing the note. 'I'll go and get dressed. You should… you should go down to the yard. Or maybe Ser Cortnay needs some help with something.' He quickly made for the door. Loras snapped, finally having had enough of this kind of behaviour. Whatever Amber had meant in the note, Loras didn't care.

'Renly,' Loras caught his arm, which made Renly instantly stop in his tracks. Renly looked back at him, for once not looking confident. 'I thought you wanted to go and see that girl? The one you said lived in the woods?'

'You still want to go?'

'_You_ wanted me to go, remember?'

'And you still want to?'

'Of course I do.'

Renly smiled at him. Not his usually brash kind of smile, but a real smile that told Loras he'd genuinely made him happy. 'Alright. I'll change and come back for you.' He flashed him a grin and left his room. Loras sighed and leaned against the door once he'd gone. What was he doing? Somewhere in his head he knew what Amber meant, but he refused to acknowledge it. He didn't want to ruin this friendship he'd built no matter what his head was telling him.

He got dressed and sat by his window, waiting for Renly. It was the voices outside his door that dragged him away from it. He got up and leant closer to the door and recognised Amber's voice, as well as Renly's. It was from further up the stairs, he could tell.

'You _can't_ do this, Renly.' Amber told him sternly.

'I'm not! I'm not doing anything!'

'Prove it.'

'You said it yourself, you're convinced he has interests in _you_, so why do you suddenly doubt that?' Loras hoped to all the seven gods that they weren't talking about him, but he knew they probably were.

'Because it's you!' She hissed back. 'You're very persuasive when you want to be.'

'Amber!' Renly almost growled at her. He was clearly offended by that notion. 'I would never do that. It pains me that you'd think that of me.'

'I'm sorry.' Amber answered, but it was clear she wasn't. 'But you have to admit, you're hardly trying to hide-'

'I've heard enough.' He snapped at her. Loras took a step back from the door so it didn't look like he'd been listening. He was still confused though. He had no evidence they were actually talking about him at all. What did Amber think Renly was doing? They were friends… didn't Amber want them to be friends? The door opened and Loras nearly jumped out of his skin. Renly observed him with a smirk.

'Alright?' He asked casually, leaning against the wall as Loras took a deep breath and forced a smile.

'Fine, yes.' He answered eventually.

'Don't believe everything you hear Amber say.' Renly told him. 'Lannisters lie. If there's anything you learn from your time here, remember that. Lannisters lie, Loras. Which makes it even more difficult to tell when they're speaking the truth.' He said with a grin.

'I wasn't… I didn't hear-'

'Yes, you did.' Renly laughed. Loras smiled a little when he realised Renly didn't seem annoyed that he'd been eavesdropping. 'You're a Tyrell, you all make it your business to know everyone else's.' He said with a shrug. 'I've heard the tales about your grandmother.'

Loras allowed himself a laugh at that. His grandmother really was a fine example of what Renly was trying to illustrate. He opened the door and gestured for Loras to follow him. They left the castle together and headed for the stables.

'We're riding there?' Loras asked.

'It's not too far,' Renly told him. 'but it's quicker on a horse. Obviously.' He beamed at his squire as they entered the stables. The stable boy smiled politely at them both and gestured towards two horses near the other exit to the stables. After that he shuffled away. Loras watched him go, thinking what a strange boy he seemed.

'He doesn't speak often.' Renly informed him. 'He's a little shy.' Loras just nodded and turned his attention to the horses. Renly stood by a big black horse, sleek but well built. Of course it was black, Loras thought. Everything with Renly was planned and matched. This horse matched his hair. The other horse was a chestnut brown. Loras went to saddle Renly's horse for him, and he simply stood back and let him do it. Loras saddled his own then went to help his lord into the saddle.

'You don't have to do that, you know.' Renly told him as Loras adjusted the straps once he was on.

'Stop moving and I'll have it done quicker.' Loras told him, a little annoyed at how Renly seemed unable to just stay still. Loras clamped his hand down on Renly's leg to make his work easier. That did the trick alright, and he had to look up to make sure Renly was still okay. He looked a little flushed but nothing Loras would notice with a fleeting glance. 'Besides,' Loras continued. 'isn't it my duty as a squire? To saddle your horse and make sure it's strapped correctly? If you die falling off a horse, I'm certain that's my fault.'

'Yes.' Renly answered, his voice oddly tight. 'Maybe you're right.' And that was all he said. Loras moved to his own horse, got up and tightened his own straps, then looked back at Renly. He gave him a slightly awkward smile before he led his horse out of the stables. Loras shook his head. He would never understand Renly Baratheon, he thought.

Renly, on the other hand, was struggling enough to understand himself, without Loras Tyrell. He was glad of the cool breeze, as he was more than aware of how hot his face felt. Why did Loras have to put his hand on his leg like that? Renly knew it was only to make him keep still but he'd shocked himself with the effect it had. He had to really think about other things while he could still feel his squire's hand on his leg. He knew he shouldn't feel the way he did. He knew he thought Loras was… attractive. But Jaime Lannister had a certain appeal and Renly knew he'd never have reacted like that to the Kingslayer. What was it about the Tyrell boy? He tried to fight it, he really did. He knew it was wrong. He knew Loras would never look at him like that. But he also knew he couldn't ignore the feelings he got when Loras had touched his leg like that.

'Are you alright, Renly?' Loras called out to him, his horse catching up to him as they left the castle grounds.

'Of course.' Renly told him, forcing what he hoped was a convincing smile. It seemed to work as Loras just smiled back at him.

'Only you seemed a little… distant in the stables.'

'It's nothing.' Renly assured him. 'I was just thinking about something.' It wasn't a lie, as such. He just conveniently left out what it was he was thinking about. Loras shrugged and accepted the story.

They journeyed out of the village and onto the dirt path that led into the woods. Light was flickering through the leaves and casting shadows of dancing leaves across the grassy floor, the sound of rustling green leaves following them. Renly was reminded of how much of a child of summer Loras really was. He knew nothing of hardship. Renly admitted he himself was hardly accustomed to winter, but he remembered the Siege of Storm's End. That was his winter. He didn't hold a grudge about it, that was half the reason Loras had been sent to Storm's End - a peace offering. The Tyrells were worried that Renly would hold a grudge, and now Robert was on the throne, it was a dangerous position to be in. Heavens forbid the Tyrells fall out of favour with the crown. But Renly didn't care for the politics of it all. Stannis would hold a grudge, he knew. He still held a grudge over Edric and was likely to hold it forever. But Renly didn't have the energy to hold grudges, they only ever ended in bad things. He'd rather forgive and try to forget.

'Renly?' Loras started as they tied up their horses as the trees grew too thick to lead them through. It was a maze of tree trunks and Renly knew from experience it was easier to walk from here. 'Can I ask you something?'

'Of course.' He told him, although Renly had the feeling this was a question he didn't want to be asked.

Loras looked a little uncomfortable as he tried to find the right words. Renly could almost hear it before he said it. 'What did Amber mean in that letter? When she said she didn't want to wake you up, or interrupt?'

'The letter you didn't read?'

'Yes.'

Renly couldn't help but smirk as he heard him answer. He couldn't deny himself the feeling that he enjoyed spending time with Loras. 'Can't you work that out for yourself?' Renly asked him, almost knowing the answer.

Loras just looked at him. He was trying, Renly knew, but he was too green for all this. He knew about knights who rescued fair maidens, not the secrets and lies of Storm's End.

Renly sighed. 'I don't think you really want to know, Loras.'

Loras flashed him a harsh look. _Tyrells don't like being kept in the dark_, Renly reminded himself. 'You and Amber are keeping this secret that I don't know.' He said glumly. 'Whatever it was you talked about last night, when you said that even Amber knew about it but still couldn't understand.' Loras stopped walking, forcing Renly to stop and look at him. He didn't want to do this. Out of all the people he didn't want to explain this to, he'd rather have this conversation with Stannis than Loras. He'd got nothing to lose with Stannis. Loras was his friend, the closest thing he'd ever had to a best friend, and he didn't want to lose him. It was almost a foregone conclusion that Loras would completely exclude him once he knew his secret. Even Renly was still confused about it. He shouldn't feel the way he did about men. He knew that, but it didn't stop it being true. Even deep down he knew there was nothing _wrong_ about it, but that wouldn't change the minds of everyone else. They didn't understand.

'Look,' Renly said with a heavy sigh. 'if you really want me to tell you, I will. We're friends, we don't keep secrets, I understand that. But I'm going to warn you, Loras, and take this seriously – when I tell you that you don't want to know, I mean it. Chances are it will make you sick to the pit of your stomach and wish more than you've ever wished that you could go back home. Now answer me this, do you want me to tell you? Or do you want a while to think about it?'

Loras swallowed and observed his lord. Those impressive eyes. Loras had to admit, he was a little scared now. Whatever this secret was, Loras was uncertain about it. Maybe Renly was right, maybe he really didn't want to know.

'I'm sorry.' Loras said eventually. 'I'll think about it. It's your secret, if you want me to know, you'll tell me.' He told him. He noticed a faint smile ghost along Renly's lips on hearing him say it. 'But whatever it is, I'm sure it wont make me sick.' Loras said with a shrug. 'I'm not sure there's anything you could say that would make me want to stop being friends with you. It can't be that bad.' He continued as they resumed walking through the wood.

'We'll see.' Renly said with a sigh. 'But thank you.'

'He won't run, Renly.' A voice from above rang through the trees.


	7. Chapter 7

Loras stared up, hunting for the owner of the voice but Renly just smiled and didn't bother trying to locate them. The voice was female and it was only after a moment that a girl jumped down from the branches of a tree in front of them that Loras found the owner. She was around his age, with long chocolate hair and big brown eyes. She smiled at them. She was wearing a ripped green dress with clearly borrowed breeches underneath. Loras didn't want to contemplate how she'd acquired them.

'Alys.' Renly greeted her with a grin. She returned it happily, then turned to Loras.

'Ah, you've brought a friend with you.' She commented with a strange look. 'Loras Tyrell.' She said with a smirk.

'How did you know my name?' Loras asked her cautiously.

'I know a great many things.' Alys said mysteriously. She turned her back on them and started walking off into the trees. 'Come.' She called back, gesturing for them to follow her.

'So, she lives here?' Loras asked quietly as they followed Alys through the trees.

'For now.' Renly answered with a shrug. 'She moves around a lot.'

'Where's she from?'

'I don't know.' He said with a sigh. 'She's told me half a dozen different stories. Whoever she is, I've given up trying to find out.'

Alys was sitting in the shadow of a tree when they caught up with her, leaning against the trunk and staring at the leaves above her.

'What did you mean when you said she could see things other people couldn't?' Loras asked in a whisper. Renly was about to reply with Alys snapped her attention back to them.

'He means that I can see things that might happen in the future.' She told him with a smile. 'You might say I have green dreams.'

Loras just looked back at her blankly. He knew the phrase but he'd never paid too much attention in his lessons, he'd always been more interested in practising with swords.

'Sit.' Alys told them. Loras did as he was told but he still wondered about her. She never addressed Renly the way she ought to. She didn't seem to be anything she ought to be. From her actions and mannerisms Loras noticed something else, something that in any other situation he'd have attributed to someone being highborn, like good posture and eloquence. But she couldn't be. She lived in the woods, why would she be highborn?

'So,' Renly started. 'anything to report?'

She smirked and just laughed to herself. 'You're going to King's Landing next week, aren't you?' She didn't wait for an answer. 'And yes, I do have something to report. I had a dream about it. There was a rope bridge between two towers, one was the Red Keep and the other was Storm's End and the bridge stretched out all the way between them, going on for miles. And you were standing in the middle of it, torn between both sides.'

'Why would I be torn between King's Landing and Storm's End? This is my home.' Renly told her confidently. Loras just watched him, looking between him and Alys. She shook her head with a sigh.

'Stop interrupting me and I might tell you.' She said with a grin. She took a breath and reset her expression to continue her dream. 'So, you were stuck on this bridge. Your brother, the king, was at the Red Keep and…' She stopped talking and her eyes met with Loras'. He tried to look confident but he was certain it wasn't working. Alys cleared her throat and drew her gaze back to Renly. 'Your _friend_ was at Storm's End.'

'What does all that mean?' Renly asked her cautiously. He was more concerned that her dream involved Loras than anything else, and he became even more aware that he wasn't alone.

Alys sighed like it was obvious. 'It _means_ that your brother is going to ask you a question, something important, and whatever it is will force you to make a choice as to whether leave Storm's End.'

'Whatever it is,' Renly answered her quickly. 'it won't make me leave. Like I said, this is my _home_.'

'That's why it will take you nearly a year to answer.'

'A year?'

'You have other things to factor in.'

'Such as?'

Alys' eyes flitted back to Loras and she bit her lip. He could tell she knew something more about him but for some reason she didn't want to say what. Loras felt a little better about this secret since both himself and Renly were in the dark about it.

'I can't discuss that.'

'Why?' Renly laughed. Alys only looked away, she didn't seem to find it amusing at all.

'This isn't funny.' Alys said softly. 'This is about your life.' She glanced back at Loras as if she could barely find the strength to say it. 'Lives.'

Renly followed her gaze, exchanged a confused look with his squire, then looked back at Alys. 'I don't understand…'

'_Yes_, you do.' Alys replied forcefully. 'You didn't, but now you do. What do you think will keep you here? Yes, it's your home and that's lovely, but this was Robert's home, too, and he left do something more important. He'll offer you the chance to do something more important, so why shouldn't you take it?'

'I don't know. Why don't you tell me?' Renly asked her, his tone showing how bored he was getting of her dodging his questions.

Alys' eyes widened a little as she glared at him. 'I _can't_!' She all but screamed. 'I'm influencing you if I tell you and that's wrong. I might not be right about this, they don't always come true. And if I'm wrong and I tell you then… then…'

'You told me about Robert's offer.' Renly reminded her with a decidedly sour expression. 'You've never withheld things before.'

'I need to withhold this.' She told him strongly. 'It's for your own good. The thing about you, Renly, is that you… you're not…'

He rolled his eyes and threw a harsh stare in Alys' direction. 'I _know_.'

'But him,' she nodded back at Loras. He got that strange feeling that he ought to be anywhere but there. 'he doesn't know that. Not yet.'

'What do you mean – yet?' Renly pressed.

'You're going to make him understand.'

'What?'

Alys let out an exasperated growl and shook her hair off her shoulders. 'I don't know when, I don't know _how_, but you are. And you,' she let her eyes fall back on Loras. 'don't think I don't know about you.'

'I'm sorry?' Loras asked quietly, wondering what he'd done to merit the attention. Alys had never even met him before today! How would she know anything about him?

'Seven hells.' Alys muttered, running her hand through her hair. 'You're trying to stop yourself but you can't hold back forever.'

'I don't know what you're talking about.'

She shut her eyes and lowered her head. 'Just go, please.'

'Alys, I'm sorry if-' Renly tried to say.

'I've said too much.' Alys cut him off, her voice suddenly soft. 'Please leave.' Renly gave her one last sorry look before he picked himself up off the floor. Loras got up as well and followed his lord back through the wood and away from Alys. Neither of them spoke until they reached their horses. Renly was too busy mulling over the information he'd received, wondering what is was about Loras Tyrell that would make him refuse an offer from King's Landing. An offer from Robert. But he had no doubt in his mind that it was true, Alys had only confirmed it. Loras, on the other hand, was more confused than ever. He now knew that there was something he didn't even know about himself! He'd left Alys with _less_ information than he started with! He couldn't even fathom how that was real.

'I'm sorry about Alys.' Renly told him eventually, noting that his squire didn't bother to help him with the straps on his saddle this time, he seemed too pre-occupied. 'She's normally much more pleasant.'

'It's fine.' Loras answered flatly, as they made their way back through the woods. He noticed the worried glances Renly was throwing in his direction but did nothing about them. In all honesty, Loras was worried, as well.

'Like she said, sometimes these things don't even happen at all-'

'I said it's fine.' Loras told him almost through gritted teeth. He rode on ahead, leaving Renly to do nothing but stare. He eventually made his own horse catch up, though it took some effort. He didn't say anything when he caught up, he thought it was better to say nothing than say the wrong thing. He'd learned quickly that it was easy to get on the wrong side of Loras Tyrell. They tacked the horses back up and walked through into the yard, where Loras still said nothing, only went across to the armoury and picked up a practise sword. Renly sighed and watched him start a fight with a dummy.

Eventually, Loras turned back to him, having calmed down a little. He waved him over and Renly was more than happy to oblige, he'd only wanted to give his squire time to simmer down.

'Want to practise?' Loras asked him, moving the sword around in the air. Renly took a cursory step backwards.

'Are you sure?'

Loras raised an eyebrow and smirked. 'I think I can handle it. It's you who should be worried.'

'It's just, you're so…' Renly paused to look for the right words for someone as easily offended as Loras. 'delicate.'

'_Delicate_?' Loras spat back. 'Delicate? Grab a sword, I'll show you how delicate I am!' All the time Renly had given him to calm down had been wasted on his choice of words. Delicate. He cursed himself for not being able to find a better word. He humoured him and went to get himself a sword, too. Renly knew he was never going to be the best swordsman, and he knew Loras would talk for hours about his own skill if you'd let him, but Renly had had his fair share of practise, whether he liked it or not.

Loras circled him for a while, watching and noting things in his head, playing with clever footwork. He took a swing at Renly, if only to judge his reactions. Renly blocked it easily enough but after he saw the smirk on his squire's face he knew he'd done something wrong, even if he didn't know it himself. He tried to get a shot in himself, Loras blocked it, and again, and again. He kept blocking the swings until Renly practically had him backed up against the wall of the yard. It was at this point Loras turned the game around.

'Worn out yet?' Loras asked him, making a swing for his leg. Renly just about deflected it, but gave no answer. This only made his squire grin at him. Loras took another shot, this time catching Renly in the side of his arm. He took a quicker shot to the other side, catching him in the ribs. He was too fast! He got in another shot and managed to knock Renly to the floor with an unusually strong swing to his hip. Loras held his sword lazily above his lord's throat.

'Yield?'

'Yield.' Renly confirmed, gently pushing the practise sword away from him. Loras held his hand out to help him off the floor. Renly got up and dusted himself down.

'Well done.' He congratulated Loras breathlessly.

'Thank you.' Loras replied with a shrug. He didn't seem too pleased with himself.

'Looking for a real opponent, Loras?' A voice called from across the yard. They both turned to look as Lady Amber approached them, not in her traditional attire of a dress. She'd got her blonde hair tied back with a ribbon and was wearing breeches rather than skirts. Loras had to blink a few times before he'd believe it, while Renly only laughed.

Amber took the sword from Renly and held it up, examining it. She accepted it and raised an eyebrow at Loras. 'Sparring, were you?'

'I suppose.' Loras answered unsurely.

'Was that what you were doing last night?'

Renly let out a nervous laugh before he gave Amber a friendly push. She didn't seem deterred by it. She shrugged and held the sword up again. 'No matter. How about sparring with me, Loras?'

'I don't know if-'

'Do you have a problem fighting with a woman, Loras?'

'Of course not, I just-'

'Good. Come on then.' She led him back towards the middle of the yard. By now a few of the household staff had gathered to watch, including the master at arms. Loras observed their expressions and realised they didn't seem as shocked as he was to see Amber holding a sword. _She's had training_, he thought. He was already too far gone now, he's agreed to do this, there was no going back now. He was no craven. He could beat Amber, just as he'd beaten Renly. He noticed Lioness sitting on the fence at the back of the yard. Even the cat looked smug.

Amber started the circling. Her confidence made him nervous. He was going to be a knight, he shouldn't be nervous about this! But then he reminded himself that as a knight he'd never have to fight a woman, this was completely unusual.

She took the first swing, too, making a precise cut for his side. Loras dodged it but he still didn't like it. He bit back his conscience, the idea that he shouldn't strike a woman, and made a counter swing for Amber. She deflected it with her sword, smirking as she looked at him from under her sword. She took another attempt, striking him in the arm. He bit his tongue to stop himself reacting to it, but Amber seemed to know this. She knew she made him nervous and she was playing on it.

Loras made a few more swings for her, she deflected them every time. He couldn't understand how she was moving so quickly! He knew that he himself was light on his feet, but Amber seemed to be practically walking on air. Or dancing, as it appeared.

'Come on, Loras, you can do better than this!' She teased with her infamous smirk. Loras only glared at her. He didn't like being taunted, but he liked it even less when he knew she was winning. He could have sworn that Lioness laughed at that, even though he was well aware that cats couldn't laugh.

He made another strike and managed to catch her in the shoulder, but she barely seemed to feel it. She took his momentary confusion as an opportunity to make her move and struck him hard on his side, catching his ribs and forcing him to the side. She pressed on and gave him a shove in the chest with the flat of her sword and sent him crashing to the floor. She lightly placed her foot on his chest, her sword pointing back down at him. He glared up at her.

'Do you yield?'

'No. Kill me with a practise sword.'

'Don't tempt me.'

'Fine.' Loras muttered. 'I yield.' Amber removed her sword and pulled Loras off the ground.

'You're good.' She told him as they put away the swords.

'You beat me.' Loras said quietly.

She gave him a pitying look and smiled. 'Yes, but I spent my childhood watching Jaime Lannister train. I learned from the best.' She gave him another smile before she walked back out of the yard. Renly grinned at him. Loras only returned it with a sour look as they began walking back into the castle.

'I am sick of hearing about Jaime bloody Lannister.' Loras muttered angrily. Renly found it all very amusing but he tried not to let it show.

'He's a great knight.' He said, trying to be diplomatic. It wasn't a lie, everyone knew of Jaime's skill.

'Yes, he is.' Loras all but growled. 'Does that mean he needs to be mentioned in every other conversation? No.'

'You're not too dissimilar to Jaime Lannister, yourself, you know.' Renly told him as they reached Loras' chambers. Loras kicked the door open and for a moment Renly thought he was about to slam it behind him. He didn't and Renly followed him inside.

'I'm not dissimilar?' Loras answered, turning back around to face Renly. He could see the fury behind his eyes and it scared Renly just a bit. 'To the Kingslayer? Is that supposed to be a compliment?'

'_Yes_!' Renly tried to back himself up but it didn't seem to be working. 'Jaime Lannister is a talented knight, so I am saying you are as well. That's a compliment, isn't it?'

'If you say so.' Loras mumbled, folding his arms and sitting down on the edge of his bed. Renly shut the door and moved over to sit next to him.

'Take it however you want to. I think you're talented. That is a compliment.' He told him with a sigh. He was sick of fighting with him.

Loras took a moment before he managed a smile. 'Thank you.' He said, before falling back onto his bed and looking back at his lord. 'Amber was a surprise, though.'

'Yes.' Renly replied with a grin. 'Amber tends to do things like that.'


	8. Chapter 8

Eventually Renly left and Loras tried to get some sleep. It was dark outside, but Loras was thankful there was no thunder and lightning tonight. Yet he still couldn't sleep. He spent hours sitting in the window staring out at the bay. He didn't like it but he was becoming more accustomed to it. Alys was still playing on his mind, her words haunted him. He wanted to know what it was about himself he hadn't realised yet. Alys seemed very reluctant to talk about it. And the topic she wouldn't even tell Renly bothered him even more, since he appeared to concern them both. He could only try to decipher the information she had given him, about her dream. Although Loras couldn't even work that out. Why would he ever be the reason Renly didn't want to go to King's Landing? Whatever the offer was that the king was going to make him, Renly ought to do it. He couldn't understand why Renly wouldn't go just because of him!

A door slamming upstairs broke his thoughts. He knew instantly it would have something to do with Amber, he'd learned that loud noises tended to follow her. He heard footsteps before Amber's door slammed, too. He presumed the first slam was her leaving Renly's chambers and the second entering her own. He sighed as he knew what he had to do. Renly had come to him last night when he was worried he was scared of the storm, now Loras should go upstairs to see if Renly was alright. Amber was scarier than any storm.

He opened his door as quietly as possible and crept past Amber's door as lightly as his feet would go. He opened the door to Renly's chambers without asking, mainly so he didn't alert Amber by knocking. He found Renly sitting on the other side of his bed, his head in his hands. Loras didn't really know where to put himself since his lord hadn't acknowledged him. He shut the door quietly and approached his friend, perching next to him on the edge of the bed. He put his hand on Renly's shoulder in an attempt to be comforting. Loras presumed Amber had broken the news she'd be leaving.

He heard a faint laugh as Renly raised his head to look at him. He took Loras' hand off his shoulder.

'You don't need to.' He told him, forcing a smile. Loras could tell he'd been crying and was trying to hide it.

'You're upset.' He said, not entirely sure how he was supposed to be acting. Renly only smiled weakly. Loras replaced his hand and this time his lord didn't move it. Neither of them said anything for a while.

'Amber's leaving.' Renly said eventually. 'And it's my fault.'

'I'm sure it's not your fault-'

'It is.' He said surely. 'If I'd just asked her to marry me, this would all be fine.' He sighed and ran his hand through his dark hair. 'I need a haircut.'

'It looks fine.' Loras didn't know where all this was coming from, who was he to comment on his lord's hair? Why did he comment at all? It probably didn't even require an answer!

Renly gave him a confused look but there was too much else going on in his head for him to try and fathom why Loras had answered him at all. He dropped his head back into his hands.

'Lannisters pay their debts, Loras.' He muttered darkly. 'Amber was meant to marry here and she's leaving without that. That means I've angered Tywin Lannister and that is never a good idea.'

Loras gave his shoulder a light squeeze. 'I'm sure it'll end alright.'

'No, it won't.' Renly seemed certain about this. 'I've earned myself a lifetime of Tywin Lannister trying to repay this _debt_. And it's not as if my family aren't in enough debt with the Lannisters as it is!' Loras didn't know what to say to that. He had no idea about this kind of thing at all. He put his head on Renly's shoulder and just sat there, hoping maybe this would be friendly enough that he wouldn't need to say anything.

'This must be killing you.' Renly laughed quietly. 'You've got your head on my shoulder – did you mean to or are you feeling unwell?'

'It was an accident.' Loras said quietly, repeating Renly's words from last night. He heard Renly laugh again but Loras didn't move away from him. Truth be told, he was quite content to sit like that for as long as Renly wanted him to.

'You do realise the chances of me facing Jaime Lannister in the tourney have increased tenfold, don't you?' Renly said with a sigh. 'Just so I can have the humiliation of being defeated by someone infinitely better.'

'You're entering the tourney?' Loras asked, slightly astounded by this revelation.

'I have to.' Renly answered. 'Robert would enter himself if they could find armour to fit him.' Loras didn't voice it, but he couldn't help but agree. King Robert had managed to put on a considerable amount of weight since taking the throne. 'I don't _mind_ taking part, I know I won't win, so it's all a lot of fun and the people seem to like me in King's Landing… but Jaime will be out to inflict some pain not just knock me off my horse.'

'Even if he does,' Loras said quietly. 'I'll take your revenge.'

Renly laughed and moved back to lean against his bedpost and look back at his squire. Loras tried to force a smile but he was serious about his threat to the Kingslayer.

'Thank you, Loras.' Renly told him, the smile still emblazoned on his face. Renly would never say so, but he was worried about Loras entering the tourney. He knew his squire had talent and that he had the potential to do well, but he also knew that Mace Tyrell would never forgive him if another of his sons was crippled and Renly had been the one to allow him to enter in the first place. But of course, he knew Loras would take it as a personal offence if he told him.

'Why did Amber slam the doors?' Loras asked suddenly, remembering the noise that had alerted him to the event. Renly sighed and folded his arms, the smile slipping from his face.

'She got quite upset and she told me something I probably should never have heard. Needless to say she didn't get the response she was looking for.' Renly said sadly. Loras felt a little guilty, since he knew Amber had probably told Renly she loved him and it had been Loras who'd asked why she never told him. He tried to persuade himself that ultimately Amber made that decision herself and she did say Renly would never reciprocate it.

'What did she say?' Loras questioned, keeping his voice to a whisper since he wasn't sure if he should have asked.

'It doesn't matter.' Renly said with a shake of his head. 'It's nothing I can do anything about. But it's when I tried to defend my position on the matter that she flew into some kind of rage and stormed out.'

'You seemed pretty upset yourself…'

Renly didn't reply for a while and Loras had hoped he hadn't said too much. It looked as if his lord was trying to bite back tears and his voice only confirmed it. 'She said some horrible things, I don't even want to repeat them.' He took a deep breath and finally looked back at his squire. 'She's got an extensive range of vocabulary.'

Loras just nodded and said nothing more. He didn't quite know what to do. He wanted to comfort his friend but had no idea how to do that. If his sister had got upset by something she'd pull him into a hug but this was… different. For some reason it didn't feel right.

'Can I ask you a question, Loras?' Renly asked quietly. For once Loras knew how it felt when he asked his lord that same request.

'You don't need to ask.' He replied. Renly gave half-hearted smirk at the response before continuing.

'Why did you come up here? Why didn't you go to Amber?'

A silence lingered for a while after Renly asked his question. Loras didn't actually know the answer. He hadn't planned to answer it. He swallowed and tried to focus on something else in the room, anything to make himself think quickly. It wasn't working. He couldn't even be honest because he didn't even have an answer for himself, he'd never even entertained the idea of going to Amber.

'I don't know.' He half whispered. Renly smiled at that, the same kind of smile he wore when Loras told him he still wanted to go to see Alys despite Amber's note.

'Did you think about going to her?' Renly questioned, his voice equally as quiet. All the noise from outside had vanished, there was no sound of leaves or rain, just silence and their whispers.

'Honestly?' Loras sighed, finally meeting his lord's gaze. 'No.' And that only brightened Renly's smile. He couldn't find the effort to hide it. Amber was wrong. Loras didn't have feelings for her, he'd just proved that. Renly knew it was never going to be what he wanted from Loras, but just knowing he didn't have feelings for Amber was enough. Loras was his friend and that was all, Renly was very aware of that, but it didn't stop him being happy about it. He was glad to have the Tyrell boy as a friend, even if that was all.

'Thank you.' He told him. Loras was glad of the darkness then because he was certain his face would be a shade of red. 'Are you prepared for the tourney, Loras?'

'Yes.' He answered surely. That was something Renly could be sure of, Loras was always have this stubborn confidence. And he was equally certain that he would always find it more than a little bit attractive.

'Excellent. I might stand a chance of winning that bet with Littlefinger, then.'

'You're actually going to do it?' Loras couldn't hide his shock at that. He thought Renly had said it to make him feel better, he didn't think he was serious.

Renly shrugged. 'If you're as good as you say you are, I don't see a reason why I shouldn't.'

'I hope you won't regret it, then.'

'I won't regret it even if you lose.' Renly said quickly, though he wished he hadn't. Loras stared at him but didn't try to decipher what that meant, for which Renly was grateful, he just didn't have the strength to find an explanation. 'It's getting late. Thank you for this, Loras, you should get back to your own chambers.'

Loras started to move off the bed, but seemed to think better of it. He took a moment to collect himself but then turned back to his lord. 'I could… if you wanted me to… I mean, you stayed with me…' Renly almost laughed at his attempt to string a sentence together. He was impressed by the efforts Loras was going to, though.

'No,' he answered him, forcing a smile. He knew it wasn't a wise idea to make a habit of this, no matter how much it would please him. 'you've done enough. I couldn't ask you to go any further out of your comfort.'

Loras didn't move an inch, which confused Renly no end. Surely he didn't actually _want_ to stay, this boy who flinched when he so much as touched him? 'What if I won't go?'

Renly couldn't help but laugh at that. He should have known, deny something to someone as stubborn as Loras and that will suddenly become the thing they want most, even if they had no interest in it in the first place. 'Loras, if you truly want to stay, I'm not going to throw you out. I just don't believe you _do_.'

'We'll see then, won't we?' He answered flatly, folding his arms and raising one eyebrow. Renly shook his head and sighed, but still couldn't wipe the smile from his face. He tried to bite it back when he got into bed and felt the sheets move on the other side but it was too difficult. He turned away from Loras so he wouldn't notice his smile.

'I'll still be here in the morning, you know.' Loras said, his voice echoing through the room.

'I don't doubt it.' Renly answered softly. He lay there for what seemed like hours, listening to Loras' small breaths after he'd fallen asleep. He wanted to turn over and look at him but he just couldn't. He was too worried Loras would wake up and see him. He knew his infatuation with his squire wasn't right. Renly was his protector, of sorts, he should never be having such thoughts about him. He turned onto his back, allowing himself one fleeting glance before he forced his eyes onto the ceiling. Loras mumbled something incoherent in his sleep and shifted his position, nuzzling his head against Renly's neck. He bit his tongue in surprise at that, even more so to force himself to think of something, _anything_ else. He half resented Loras for making him feel this way, even though he was unconscious. Why did he have to cuddle up to him like that? Renly would never be able to sleep like that, he'd be too scared of the effects if he didn't keep full control of himself. He was tempted to get up and splash some cold water on his face, but he was almost certain Loras would wake up and take offence at it. And even though Renly knew he'd never sleep with Loras next to him like that, he'd rather not sleep than for him to go.

It was the creek of the door that made Renly glad he was still awake. He all but jumped out of the bed, surprised Loras hadn't woken up, and skidded to the door, making certain the visitor wouldn't be able to see into the room. It was Amber.

'I'm sorry, Renly,' she started, her eyes still red and her voice small. 'I shouldn't have said those things, I-'

'It's perfectly alright, don't trouble yourself with it.' Renly told her quickly, trying to subliminally urge her to keep her voice down, while at all times trying to block her view into the room.

'You're a better man than I give you credit for.' Amber told him. She glanced down the stairs before looking back. 'Is Loras okay? I knocked on his door earlier but he didn't answer.'

Renly hoped he'd be able to lie smoothly, Lannisters were not people he'd choose to lie to unless absolutely necessary. 'I don't know.'

Amber studied him carefully. Renly tried his best to keep his composure but he was sure he wasn't doing a very good job. He'd spent half his life lying about things but for some reason this was different. This was a different kind of lie. This wasn't hiding something, this was hiding some_one_. He'd never had to do that before.

'Can I borrow a book?' Amber asked him, though he was sure her motives were not searching for reading material. 'Only, I couldn't sleep.'

'Oh… erm, well,' Renly glanced back into the room, where Loras was still asleep in his bed. 'you should really try and get some sleep, Amber…'

'If I could read something, I'm sure I'd fall asleep in no time.'

He bit his lip as he tried to think of another reason to keep her out of his chambers. She probably already knew something was amiss, he'd never stopped her before.

'Don't you have your own books?' Renly asked her, desperately trying to find something to keep her away. Amber raised her eyebrows and now Renly was very aware that she knew something was going on.

'You didn't…' Amber hissed, her golden eyes fixing her gaze on him. He swallowed hard and tried to find a response. He wasn't quick enough. 'Renly, you need to be careful with this. I don't what you're doing with him, but…'

'_Nothing_.' He told her forcefully. 'We're friends. I'm his _lord_, Amber, I'm supposed to be training him, taking care of him-'

'Seems like you are.'

'Besides, he's not here.' Renly told her, hoping he could keep the pretence up while his temper was up. Amber weakened her gaze a little and softened her expression.

'Alright.' She sighed. 'I believe you.' She took another glance down the stairwell. 'For what it's worth, I don't think he's… like you.' That disheartened him more than it ought to have. It was alright for him to tell himself Loras would never see him that way, but it hurt a lot more to hear someone else say it.

'I know.'

Amber could hear the heartbreak in his voice and it dispelled any disbelief she had before. 'Goodnight, Renly.' She said with a sigh, forgetting about wanting to borrow a book. She didn't want one anyway, it was just a ploy. For all she knew Renly could have any number of reasons for not wanting her in there.

Renly shut the door with a sigh of relief. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Loras sitting up and watching him.

'Was that Amber?'

'Yes.'

'Does she know I'm here?'

'No.' Renly told him, then thought better of it. 'I don't think so.'

'So she probably does, then.' Loras said with a smirk. Of course he could smile about it, he didn't know the real implications of it all. Renly wanted to smile back but he just couldn't bring himself to find the humour in it.

'How long have you been awake?'

'A while.' Loras replied with an unreadable smile. That sent nervous shivers down Renly's spine. A while? Was he pretending to be asleep when Amber came to the door? If he was, how long had he been pretending before that?

'Okay.' Renly said slowly. 'Were you…'

'Listening? Yes.' He answered honestly. Renly should have known better than to ask, Loras was always so brashly honest. Renly suddenly froze, that meant he heard what Amber said. He heard her accusations and how she didn't think Loras was _like him_ and what she thought they were doing!

'So you…'

'Heard everything? Yes.'

'Stop finishing my sentences.' Renly told him, surprised at how tight his voice had gone. Loras just smirked at him.

'Then tell me the truth.' Loras said, leaning forwards as Renly approached him cautiously. 'Tell me what it is, this secret you and Amber know and I don't. Alys already told you I won't run.'

'She also said I'd _make _you understand.' Renly muttered. 'And she said she's sometimes wrong. Alys says a lot of things.' He perched himself on the edge of the bed, keeping a safe distance between Loras and himself, something his squire took obvious offence at.

'I think I already know.' Loras told him quietly, his gaze not wavering. 'It doesn't… offend me, or repulse me.'

'It doesn't?'

'Why should it?'

Renly wanted to smile with relief, but he couldn't stop the nagging feeling that Loras didn't fully understand.

'Just _tell_ me!' Loras finally lost his patience, leaning forwards a little more in his attempt to force Renly to talk. He looked away and stared at the floor. 'I want you to tell me. I want you to make me understand. I want to hear you say it.'

Renly smirked half-heartedly at the floor. 'I somehow think you misunderstand the term _make_.'

'I want to understand.' Loras persisted. 'We're friends, aren't we? You know so much about me but I all I want to know is this one thing about you. _Please_.'

Renly took a deep breath. Maybe it was for the best that he told him, he didn't want Loras drawing his own conclusions. He also didn't want to give himself the false hope of a friendship with Loras when he didn't even know his biggest secret. 'Fine. But you asked for this. If you don't like what you hear, you chose to listen.'

'Alright.'

Renly cleared his throat and tried to summon enough courage to say it. Every inch of his being was telling him this was wrong. 'I… I look at men the way I'm supposed to look at women.' He said, choosing his words carefully. Loras' expression didn't change. 'Did you hear me? That's why I couldn't… with Amber, I mean. I couldn't do that because she's a woman and… I just don't feel attracted to women.' Still Loras just watched him. 'Are you even listening?'

'Yes.' He said calmly. 'I'm listening.'

'Then why are you still here? Why haven't you got up as fast as humanly possible and bolted through the door?' Renly could feel himself getting annoyed about it, even though he didn't want Loras to do any of those things, he knew it was the reaction Loras was meant to have, the reaction Renly was expecting.

'Because it doesn't scare me. It doesn't make me feel sick. It doesn't make me respect you any less.' Loras told him. 'And mostly, it doesn't make me want to stop being your friend.'

'Really?'

'Really.' Loras confirmed. 'Can we just go to sleep now?' He yawned and stretched back out on Renly's bed. He could scarcely believe his senses.

'You… you still want to stay here? In my bed? After I just told you that?' Renly asked him, shock evident in his voice. Loras only looked up at him and smirked.

'You told me you like men, you didn't say you had a fondness for rape.'

'Well, no, but…' Renly didn't know how to respond to that, he was too surprised that Loras still wanted to sleep in his bed. Next to him. 'Doesn't it scare you? Even a little bit?'

'_No_.' Loras told him defiantly. Why was this so difficult for Renly to understand? Loras had known before he'd even said, there was just a part of him that had known from the start and decided to block it out. After Amber's letter he'd had an inkling about it, but pushed it to the back of his mind. He trusted Renly, he was his friend, he saw no reason why anything should change. 'I just want to go to sleep.' He said truthfully. 'Can't we just go to sleep?'

Renly nodded. He was sure Loras Tyrell would never cease to surprise him. 'If that's what you want.'

'It is.' Loras threw him the other half of the sheet. Renly had no choice but to oblige him and get back into bed. He sighed and just watched as Loras re-arranged himself to get comfortable. Renly turned away from him and Loras let him.

Loras stared at the ceiling and tried to fit everything together in his head. He hadn't lied when he said it didn't repulse him or scare him. It didn't bother him in any way. That, in itself, was the problem. Loras knew he should have reacted the way Renly assumed he would, he should have run out of the door and wrote a letter home, begging desperately to leave. But he had absolutely no intention of doing so. In truth, Loras didn't even need Renly to tell him his secret, he'd done his own research. It wasn't a lie when he told Renly he'd been awake for a while, he just didn't tell him exactly how long. But what frightened Loras was not the reaction he got from his lord, it was the reaction he got from himself. He knew it was wrong when he cuddled up to him, he felt guilty for it, but he needed to know. He caught the hitched breath from Renly when he felt him so close, but it was the effect that had on Loras that was the problem. He was glad when Renly got up to open the door because in actual fact he didn't know how much longer he could keep up pretending to be asleep like that. He hadn't expected his own heartbeat to thump so loudly he could hear it in his ears and he hadn't expected to feel himself blush. And that was what scared him. Loras finally understood what Alys was saying about him, about there being something he didn't even know about himself. He refused to believe it for now, convincing himself that it had just been a difficult day or that Alys had accidently influenced him and it would be gone by tomorrow.


	9. Chapter 9

Loras threw himself into his training for the last week before the journey to Kings Landing. The main reason was because he desperately wanted to do well in the tourney but his second reason was that it would keep him away from Renly. They'd barely spoken to each other all week. Loras had made a point of illustrating how tired he was after training, or insisting on taking a bath straight after, anything to keep Renly out of his way. He knew his lord would probably feel insulted, he'd think Loras had reconsidered his stand on Renly's sexual preference, but at this point Loras didn't care what reason his lord gave for his absence. He just wanted to focus on the tourney. He could deal with… everything else after.

Amber, on the other hand, wouldn't leave him alone. It seemed that she'd chosen to stay with Loras over Renly now that they spent so much time apart. She didn't always speak, sometimes she just watched him train. She asked him on many occasions why he'd been spending so much time alone but he always told her the same thing: he was preparing for the tourney. Dinners were slightly more awkward since, as Amber already had her issues with Renly, she seemed embarrassed every time he looked at her, and Loras was trying to keep his distance for his own reasons. It was on the second to last night when it finally got the better of Renly. They were eating dinner in the hall with a few select others, just a quiet dinner as usual. Amber had said absolutely nothing while Renly tried to entice her into conversation in between trying to force Loras to talk about something. Anything. But he gave one word answers or simply nodded. Eventually, Renly slammed his cup down on the table, wine spilling out of it.

'If you had a problem, Loras, you should have said.' He half shouted at him. The others in the hall seemed to be intently pretending not to hear. 'But don't act this way, it won't achieve anything. If you've got something to say, then say it.' Loras just stared at him, nothing but shock resonating in his head. He couldn't find any words. 'Craven.' Renly muttered, getting up from the table and storming from the hall. Loras exchanged a wide-eyed look with Amber. He knew he should go after him but he also knew it would do himself no good. The feelings he'd told himself would go away had not. All he could think to do was distract himself in the hope he might forget. He knew it was a forgone conclusion that he wouldn't, but it was his last hope.

He tried to stop himself going after him but the look Amber gave him was telling him he had to. He knew that when Amber told you to do something, it was generally the thing you ought to do. He was just lucky she didn't command him to do it. He sighed and got up from the table, leaving the hall and walking into the storm of that night. Rain was coming down in sheets and the sky was completely black. Loras wasn't happy in these conditions but he forced himself to find his friend. He checked his chambers, but that was too easy, of course he wasn't there. There was only one place he could think of to check. He went down to the stables and found the black horse gone. He'd hoped he was wrong but he took the chestnut horse anyway and left the stables, putting the horse into a gallop. He was completely soaked by the rain but he knew he was doing the right thing. He had to keep shaking his hair off his face as the rain pressed it to his skin and curls slipped near his eyes. He found the edge of the woods and slowed down the horse, looking for any kind of sign. It seemed like he'd been wandering around the woods for hours, but he knew he couldn't have been. Eventually he found the black horse tied to a tree by a clearing. He dismounted and tied up his own horse, cautiously walking into the clearing. There was still no sign of Renly but Loras got a little pre-occupied when he saw that this clearing was on the edge of a cliff. He peered over the edge and instantly took a step back, his stomach doing flips as he saw how high up he was.

'It's quite a drop, isn't it?' A cool voice called from somewhere nearby. Loras spun around, instinctively reaching for his sword. He stopped when he saw Renly sitting against the base of a tree at the edge of the clearing. 'You shouldn't have followed me.' He told him coldly.

'You're wrong.' Loras told him, having to raise his voice to compete with the rain as he approached him. Renly only glared at him. It physically hurt Loras to see Renly look at him that way but he tried not to let it show. 'I've been training, I haven't been avoiding you.'

Renly rolled his eyes and smirked darkly. He got up from the floor and faced his squire. Loras was instantly reminded of how much more well built Renly was in comparison.

'You don't have to lie.' Renly spat back, his voice raising more than was needed against the rain. 'You can tell me. Go on, tell me how sick it makes you feel to even look at me! Did you run to the Sept after I told you? Pray for my soul? Or pray that I wouldn't _corrupt_ you?' He yelled at him, his voice steadily increasing in volume. From the wavers in his voice Loras knew he was trying to stop himself crying, even though it wouldn't matter with the rain.

'No!' Loras shouted back, desperate to defend himself. 'That's not what I think at all! I told you already, you're my _friend_ and nothing's going to change that!' Renly turned away from him, pacing, before turning back around.

'You're a liar. You're like everyone else! You and Amber, you're both as bad as each other!' His voice seemed stronger now, which scared Loras even more because it meant Renly believed what he was saying. 'In fact, you're worse! You should have run when you had the chance! But you didn't, you stayed. You spent the rest of the night in my bed, convinced me we were still friends, when all along you're just _like everyone else_!'

Loras tried to answer him but he felt a catch in his throat. He couldn't remember the last time he'd actually cried. He swallowed hard and tried again. 'I'm not like everyone else! I don't _care_ what everyone thinks! You're always going to be my friend and it's not a lie when I say that I don't want to run! Why can't you just believe me?'

'Give me a reason to!' He shot back, nothing but anger in his piercing green eyes. 'You've been avoiding me even when you aren't training! We used to talk after you trained but you don't even want me around then! You won't talk to me at dinner! Why should I believe you actually want to be friends?'

Loras had to look away at that point. He could feel hot tears on his cheeks. He knew Renly wouldn't notice because of the rain but he still didn't want him to see. 'Because I'm telling you! You should believe me because we _are_ friends!' Loras wanted to tell him the real reason he'd been staying away from him, but he knew it wasn't a good idea. That would only make things worse. Renly didn't answer him this time, he just shook his head and looked away, over the edge of the cliff. His lack of reaction only angered Loras. First he wouldn't believe him, now he wouldn't listen.

'_Look at me_!' He all but screamed at his lord. Renly took his time but eventually placed his eyes back on his squire. Loras had to take a deep breath just to calm himself down. 'It actually hurts that you'd believe I thought that of you. You're the best friend I've ever had and I'm not just going to let you believe those things you've said! I've said it once, and I'll say it again. I am not sickened by you, I'm not repulsed by it, it doesn't scare me and I will _always_ want to be your friend. Do you understand?' He didn't realise until he'd finished speaking how erratic his voice sounded as he tried to force the words out when his throat was so tight from crying. Renly watched him for a little while longer, but eventually his eyes softened.

'Alright.' He said finally, his voice barely audible above the rain. Loras finally lost his anger over the subject and threw his arms around his lord, pulling him into a hug. He just wanted to cry into his shoulder. 'Are you crying?' Renly asked him as Loras still didn't let go of him. He nodded, unable to speak. Loras felt his friend tighten his arms around him and just let him stay there for a while. Loras let go of him after a while, not quite sure what the do with himself afterwards. After all his attempts to stay away from Renly, he'd just gone and done that. He didn't even feel guilty.

Loras spent the next day training but he sought Renly out once he'd finished, which seemed to brighten his lord's day. They spent a few hours talking about the tourney and King's Landing before going to dinner, which was less awkward than the previous night by a long shot. Loras had given up all attempt to try and keep his distance, it was proving impossible so he stopped trying. In all honesty, he didn't _want_ to keep his distance.

He went to bed feeling more than content about his situation. The rain had lasted all day but had finally stopped so he was glad he might be able to get a good night's sleep. He sighed happily and put his head back on his pillow. He had tried to make sense of what his real feelings were towards his lord but he couldn't fathom it out, so he just let it be. Whatever it was, Loras was perfectly content being his friend and he was happy to believe that was all he wanted.

The door opened with a creek. Loras didn't even need to look to know who it was, even though neither he nor Renly had been in each other's rooms at night for a week.

'Are you asleep?' Renly whispered through the darkness.

'No.'

'Good.' He heard Renly take a few more steps towards him. 'Get up, then. It's Amber's last night and she wanted to do something special.'

Loras sighed and took a few more moments in the comfort of his own bed before he sat up to observe his friend. 'I thought you and Amber…'

'We got past it. I think it finally hit her that she's going to be leaving tomorrow.' Renly shrugged then found his sense of urgency again. 'Hurry up!'

'Fine, fine.' Loras got out of bed and found something to change into, he didn't feel too comfortable going outside in his sleep clothes.

'Oh, can you swim?' Renly asked him suddenly, as he dragged him towards the door.

'Yes…' Loras answered slowly. 'Why? We can't go swimming now, it's the middle of the night!'

'It's fine.' Renly told him surely, leading him down the stairs and out into the yard. From there they took a small path through some small trees and shrubs and down a dirt track path. It brought them out at a cliff edge. Loras swallowed. He wasn't altogether too fond of cliffs. Amber was sitting on the grass near the edge, wearing her breeches again. She grinned at them.

'I've missed this.' She said happily. 'Has he told you what we're doing?' Amber asked Loras, who shook his head slowly. Some part of him didn't even want to know what they had planned. Amber got up and grabbed his hand, taking him to the edge of the cliff. He stared down at the sea below them. They were over a cove protected from the harsh waves, where the water was calm. It wasn't _too_ high above the water, but Loras dreaded to think what they were doing there.

'We're going to jump off.' Amber told him, squeezing his hand.

'No.' Loras said instantly. 'Not a chance. I'm not jumping off. You're crazy.' He turned back around as Renly just smirked at him. 'Both of you, you're mad.'

'It's not that high.' Renly told him with a shrug. 'It's fun, really.' He was trying to be reassuring but it wasn't helping.

'I changed my mind.' Loras said quietly. 'I can't swim.'

'Too late.' Renly laughed.

'It's really fun, Loras. For that whole distance, you're flying.'

'And then you hit the water.' Loras said flatly.

'It doesn't _hurt_.' Amber told him, rolling her eyes. 'Stop being such a woman.' She gave him a light push but it frightened him, her doing it so close to the edge. 'Look.' She said, stepping right onto the edge and holding her arms out to her sides. She glanced back at him. 'Watch.' And she jumped off the edge. She let out an excited scream as she flew through the air and then dropped into the water. She resurfaced and shouted back that it wasn't scary. Loras still didn't believe her. He watched her start swimming onto the pebble beach of the cove.

'It's nothing to be scared of.' Renly told him. 'It sounds ridiculous, but it's really not frightening.'

'I don't believe you.' Loras muttered, too preoccupied with the distance between himself and the water to look back.

'Well, do you want to stand up here on your own?'

'No.'

'Come on, then!'

'I don't want to do it.' He glanced back at him and Renly saw that there was genuine fear in his eyes.

'You'll be fine.'

Loras only shook his head and looked back over the edge. It wasn't getting any closer to the water.

'Do I have to?'

'Yes.' Renly told him with a grin. Loras allowed himself a small smile back before he took a deep breath.

'Alright.' He said finally. 'But I'm not doing it on my own.'

'I'll jump with you.' Renly said. 'It's fine.' It was when Loras hand his hand out to him that it became a little more complicated. He knew there was only a certain amount of time he had to deliberate before Loras would look back at him knowing something was wrong. Renly told himself to stop being stupid, there was nothing wrong with it. The boy was scared, this was natural. He took his hand and they stood on the edge of the cliff.

'Ready?' Renly asked him.

'No.' Loras answered miserably.

'Good.' And with that Renly pulled them both off the cliff. Renly actually liked jumping off, it was something he and Amber had decided might be fun just after she moved to Storm's End. She was always adventurous and when he was younger, so was Renly. He hit the water and submerged, quickly resurfacing and wiping the water from his eyes. Loras shook the water out of his hair, he was gasping for air since he'd held his breath the whole way down.

'Are you okay?' Renly asked him. Loras nodded but said nothing. 'Loras?' He looked back at him. 'Can I have my hand back?' He felt Loras instantly retract his hand, looking slightly flushed. Renly thought nothing of it, he was probably embarrassed about being scared. He started swimming towards the shore, checking back to make sure Loras was following him. Amber had already settled herself on the beach, having started a small fire and warming her hands by it. She was still smiling. That was all Renly wanted to do, make sure she enjoyed her last night. He knew she was scared of what would happen when she went home, she was just trying to hide it.

'See?' She said when she saw Loras approaching. Renly lent him a hand getting out of the water and they approached the fire. 'It's not too bad, is it?'

'I'm not going to do it again.' Loras said sullenly. Amber only laughed as they sat down.

'He enjoyed it really.' Renly said with a grin. Loras only shook his head. Amber smirked at him then fixed her eyes back on Renly. She raised one eyebrow and didn't need to say anything else. Renly looked away, focussing his gaze on the rippling water of the cove instead. He would have to be careful when they got to King's Landing. It was alright in Storm's End, the consequences of people finding out Renly's secret weren't as severe and it was easier to keep a secret here. He'd heard that the walls had ears in King's Landing.


	10. Chapter 10

They started the journey to King's Landing the next day, with a host of knights and horses and respective others. Ser Cortnay was perfectly capable of looking after things while Renly was gone, he had no doubt about that, since he practically ran everything even while Renly was there. Loras seemed excited to finally be going to the tourney, while Amber just looked sullen. She didn't even break a smile as Edric said goodbye to her. Once he was safely out of sight she burst into tears and hadn't spoken a word since.

It took them a few days to get to King's Landing but Loras was glad when they did. He'd never been to King's Landing before and couldn't help but be excited by all the bright colours and the sound of life. Renly seemed completely unaffected by it, but Loras reminded himself that Renly had been there before, this was nothing new to him. They rode through the city approached the Red Keep. Alys' words were still playing in Loras' mind but he tried to push it to the back of his mind and focus on how beautiful everything was here. They were assigned rooms in a tower of the Red Keep and Loras could only raise his eyebrows when he saw that his room was right next to Renly's. He, however, did not seem surprised by this.

'They take squires very seriously here.' He told him. 'Be thankful you're not a squire in Kings Landing, Loras, you'd be pouring wine and fetching people from across the city all day and night.' Loras could only nod as he opened the door to his own chambers. They were decorated with the finest taste, he had to admit, as there were silk red curtains and drapes over the four-poster bed. But he still knew he'd miss his own chambers back at Storm's End. He looked out of the window, quickly realising he could see the tourney grounds from there. He couldn't help but grin. He couldn't quite believe that tomorrow he'd be on that tourney ground with a horse and a lance trying to win the title. It made his stomach churn but he was excited beyond belief. First, he had to attend the feast that night. He was happy about that, too, since he knew he'd be able to see his family again. As much as he'd enjoyed his time at Storm's End he still missed home.

An hour before the feast there was a knock on his door. When he opened it there was no one there but it didn't take him long to figure it out. He just smiled to himself and opened the door to Renly's chambers, where he was stood beside his bed, studying a few different outfits.

'I don't know which.' He said, not even bothering to look who it was that had entered, he already knew.

'You think I can help with that?' Loras asked him flatly, joining him by his bed to stare at the clothes.

'No.' He answered flatly. 'Just pick one.'

'But you're the one who's going to have to wear it-'

'Just do it.'

Loras sighed and glanced back down at the clothes. He honestly couldn't find a topic he cared less about than what clothes his lord would wear to dinner. They all bared the house sigil so Loras really couldn't see any reason why any of them were wrong in any way. His own tunic had the Tyrell rose pinned at the top but he hadn't spent hours deliberating over it. He shrugged and picked the middle set.

'Thank you.' Renly said with a smile. 'You're wrong, but thank you.' And he picked up another outfit the put the rest away. Loras just shook his head. Why bother asking him to pick one if he'd already made up his mind? Loras turned away while Renly changed and he sat in the window seat, looking out over the same tourney grounds he could see from his own window. He was still unable to bury the excitement about the tourney starting. He saw Lady Amber out of the window, sitting on the floor under a tree, petting Lioness. The cat was content to go back in her cage all the way to Kings Landing, she'd just ridden happily along with Amber's luggage. He hadn't seen Amber since they arrived and Loras could only hope she was in a better mood, although he doubted it. She'd hardly said a word since they started the journey unless it was necessary. She'd already changed for dinner, Loras could see her in a red and gold dress. Lannister colours. He had no doubt she was trying to win back her family so she might be married to someone she liked half as much as Renly. Though she already knew she'd never love anyone quite so much. Loras felt sorry for her, although he knew she wouldn't want his sympathy, he just couldn't help it. She put on this hard exterior to everyone else but he knew better than to believe it. She did a good job of convincing people but deep down she was just as weak as everyone else.

'Ready?' Renly broke his thoughts as Loras tore his gaze away from Amber. He got up, straightened out his clothes and nodded. They walked down to dinner together but it seemed unnatural when Loras took another route to go and sit with other people. Renly knew that was the way it had to be here, there were more rules than in Storm's End, but it didn't mean he had to like it. On the other hand, Loras got to see his family here. Renly could tell it meant a lot to him as he watched his squire approach his brother at another table and get pulled into a fierce hug. For a second Renly's eyes met with Loras' brother's, but then Renly turned away and went to find his own seat closer to his own family. He saw Robert on the top table and something in his heart sank. He remembered what Alys said about being made an offer he'd wait a year to decide upon. That time was approaching faster than he'd like. He saw Jon Arryn, the Hand of the king, sitting with his pregnant wife. He wanted to feel sorry for Lysa Arryn, she never quite looked happy about anything, more like she was always making do. And she hardly ever looked at her husband. And he hardly ever made a sideways glance in her direction. Renly sighed. So this was how he was going to spend the evening. Loras got to see his family and have a happy reunion, and Renly got this. He saw his niece and nephews, and Joffrey gave him a cold stare. Renly knew Joffrey had never been overly fond of him, but the feeling was entirely mutual. Then he felt even colder eyes on him. He knew without looking who was watching him. Cersei Lannister. He met her gaze almost daringly. She offered him that typical Lannister smirk but it was so much frostier than when Amber did it. He glanced around the room to find her but he heard her first.

'Are you going to stand here all evening?' Amber asked him quietly, appearing by his side.

'I thought I might.' He answered flatly. Amber allowed herself a weak laugh before taking his hand in hers and leading him up to the table. Amber herself was allowed a place on there tonight, to sit with her cousin, the Queen. Renly was thankful when he saw that Amber was separating himself and Queen Cersei, but he knew that once the food was over and the drinking began everyone swapped places anyway. There was no way to avoid both Cersei Lannister and King Robert. But he could put it off as long as possible.

'Amber.' Cersei greeted her with what Renly thought a curiously fond tone. She embraced her cousin and kissed her cheek before they both sat down again. She merely looked at Renly, raised her glass and that was that. Renly didn't expect anything else as he offered a similar greeting of simply 'Your Grace' and curt nod. He'd never had any specific reason to dislike Queen Cersei but from the way Robert talked about her, it would win him no favours if he befriended her.

'Ah, Renly!' Robert's voice came booming over all else. Renly forced a smile as he stood again to go to his brother. He knew Robert wouldn't come to him yet would still expect Renly to move to him. Robert clasped him on the shoulder before pulling him into a hug that Renly feared might genuinely break his ribs. 'Always so delicate, aren't you?' Robert told him with a laugh. Renly smiled back as he now realised how much it hurt being called delicate. He instantly regretted calling Loras that.

'You've sent Lady Amber on her way home, I see.' Robert continued, casting a very conspicuous glance down the table. 'Not a bad move, I'm drowning in Lannisters here – it's hell!' He said with another loud laugh. Renly knew his own smile had long ceased being convincing but he was never comfortable with Robert discussing Lannisters like this when Queen Cersei was sitting right next to him. She always pretended she couldn't hear but it was obvious she was listening. Renly thought it best to just say nothing. He returned to his seat and shrunk down into it. Amber cast him a sympathetic glance before Cersei engaged her in conversation again. He was allowed all of three minutes to himself before he heard his name again.

'And Lord Renly,' Cersei started, her cold green eyes finding his. He swallowed and tried to keep calm. 'you've let Amber come home unmarried.' She did not sound pleased about that.

'Really, it's alright, cousin-' Amber tried to interject.

'No, no it is not.' Cersei insisted, not once lifting her gaze from Renly. 'I want to know why. Amber is everything you could ever want in a wife and you've sent her back.'

Renly was slightly uncomfortable with her referring to Amber as if she was merely goods but he wasn't about to get into an argument about it. Amber drained the rest of her cup of wine and a page came to refill it.

'I…' Renly tried to say but the words caught in his throat. He didn't know what he was supposed to tell her. 'She was meant to marry my cousin… it felt wrong to marry her myself. And we never found his body…'

'You think he's alive?' Cersei exclaimed with a smirk. 'Honestly, how long has it been?'

'Four years.' Renly muttered but it was loud enough for her to hear.

'_Four years_.' She repeated spitefully. 'Four years you kept her there with absolutely no intention of marrying her.' She shook her head and gave him a sour look. 'Just remember, Lannisters pay their debts.' She said, remarkably calmly given the venom of her last statement. With that she turned back to spit some kind of thinly veiled insult at her husband. Renly let out the breath he'd been holding and leant back in his seat.

'I'm sorry.' Amber told him in a whisper, taking his hand under the table. 'She's taken it quite personally.'

'I don't blame her.' He answered her with a sigh. 'I've wronged you, I deserve to be punished.'

'No.' She told him determinedly. 'Never say that.' And that's where she left that topic.

Meanwhile, across the hall, Loras watched their conversation intently. He couldn't hear what was being said but it was obvious that the queen wasn't happy.

'Loras?' Garlan gave him a gentle push to get his attention back. Loras shook himself back into reality and looked back at his older brother.

'Sorry.' He muttered. 'My mind was elsewhere.'

'Clearly.' Garlan replied with a smirk. He followed where his brother had been looking. 'Lady Amber?' He asked him, raising one eyebrow. Loras swallowed and considered it was safer just to agree, given that he himself wasn't quite sure why he'd been looking in that direction in the first place. But he knew he wasn't watching Amber.

'Yes.' He hissed back at his brother. 'But don't say anything.'

Garlan gave him a fond smile. 'I won't, you can trust me.' He threw his arm around his brother again and gave him a squeeze. Loras knew he could trust him but he wasn't quite sure how much. He desperately wanted to talk to someone about his feelings, he needed to discuss it with someone who wouldn't judge him, or tell anyone. He knew his brother would do neither of these things but… there was something stopping him being completely honest with him.

The night dragged on, Loras managed to forget about his dilemma for a while and just enjoy his family's company. He still missed his sister, she had not come with them, but seeing his brother was more than enough. Eventually everyone started to leave.

Renly, on the other hand, was having a considerably rougher time up at the top table. Cersei had retired a while ago and taken Amber with her, leaving Renly with no one between himself and his elder brother, the King. Stannis was present but he'd eaten his meal in silence and left as soon as was acceptable. No one expected anything less. Robert, however, had insisted Renly drink to everything seemingly possible - Storm's End, King's Landing, the Crown, the Queen - even when some of them were seemingly unrelated. Renly thought he remembered having to drink to Winterfell even though the Starks weren't at the tourney. He should have known better but Robert always managed to get what he wanted and it would seem he wanted his brother to get into his cups with him. Renly couldn't hold his drink as well as the King and it showed. He could barely sit up straight at this point, while Robert was still laughing and slamming his hand down on the table calling for more to drink. Renly couldn't see straight. The world seemed to be turning upside down and he had the horrible feeling he was going to be sick.

Loras had found other friends once his family had left. There was a small group of squires in the far corner of the room and he was invited to join them. Some of them seemed to know each other while others had only just met, so he didn't find it too awkward. In fact, he was starting to enjoy himself. A squire from Casterly Rock had invited him over in the first place, which Loras found considerably strange, but the boy wasn't a Lannister. He hadn't told him his surname but his dark hair gave him away. The only name he'd given was Ashlan, he'd even told him he could call him Ash for short. He'd made Loras feel very welcome in their little group.

Ash nudged him lightly and nodded towards the top table, where it was clear Renly was having trouble even trying to stand up. Loras could only sigh.

'You're his squire, aren't you?' Ash asked him. Loras nodded, his gaze not moving. 'I think he might need some help.'

'You're right.' Loras answered, going to get up from the table. Ash grabbed his arm, pulling him back for a moment.

'Come back once you've helped him upstairs. I'll be outside.' He told him. For some reason Loras didn't find it strange at all, Ash had this way of making it seem like they'd been friends for years. He'd got a warm kind of face and the way his dark hair fell across his eyes sometimes just gave him a puppy-like quality. Loras nodded before Ash let him go and he went to help his lord.


	11. Chapter 11

'Ah!' Robert's voice boomed out as Loras approached the table. 'What a good squire you are, boy!' He told him. Loras could tell it was meant as a compliment but it scared him all the same. It didn't really sink in that he was being addressed by the king. 'I wish mine were that good! I'm stuck with bloody Lannisters!' He laughed loudly at that, Loras could only offer him a weak smile as he approached his lord. Loras helped Renly put his arm around him and managed to get him to stand up properly before he helped him to walk out of the hall. He glanced back to see Thoros of Myr gladly approach the King to continue the drinking. Ash threw Loras a sympathetic glance as he watched him all but drag Renly outside.

'You're so… you're so kind, Loras.' Renly slurred as Loras kicked the door open to the tower their rooms were located in.

'And you're so drunk.' Loras answered dryly. He decided he didn't like Renly when he was drunk, he was difficult. More so than usual. Renly chuckled to himself at that and it seemed to keep him amused all the way up the stairs. Loras was exhausted once they reached the top. He forced the door open to Renly's room and all but dropped him onto his bed. He sat down himself, glad of the rest. He sighed and tried to get his breath back. He was competing in a tourney tomorrow, he shouldn't be using up his strength dragging Renly around!

'Loras.' He heard Renly say as he sat upright. 'Loras!' He tried again when he didn't get a response. Loras rolled his eyes and turned around to look back at his lord.

'What?' He asked flatly.

'You're my squire.' Renly started. Loras only raised his eyebrows. 'So… so you have to do what I say, yes?'

'Yes.' Loras said slowly, getting the uneasy feeling that he wasn't going to like what came next.

'So… so if I tell you to… to close your eyes, you have to do it.' Renly told him, even though he couldn't keep his own eyes focussed. Loras just sighed and nodded.

'Do you want me to? Or are we theorising?'

'Yes, I want you to.'

'Fine.' Loras gave in to him, given his current condition he felt it was better to just agree. He shut his eyes and waited for whatever fate he'd be subjected to next. Why would Renly possibly want him to shut his eyes? Loras couldn't even find the strength to discuss it in his head. He sat there for at least a minute with no explanation. He was about to open his eyes to find out what in the seven hells Renly wanted with him, when he got his answer. He felt lips on his own. He didn't know what he was supposed to do, he was too shocked to react at all. Renly was kissing him. He just about got over the shock enough to realise that he hadn't pulled back. His instinct had not been to run. But before he could think any more or even try to do something, Renly pulled away. Loras opened his eyes, unsure of what he was meant to do, only to find that the reason his lord had pulled away was because he'd lost consciousness. Loras sighed and got up off his bed. He moved the covers over Renly and left him to it. He shut the door and leaned against the wall. The situation finally hit him. Renly had just kissed him. He'd kissed him. There was no question about it at all. And Loras hadn't back away. He kept asking himself why he hadn't pulled back but he already knew the answer. He hadn't pulled away because he didn't want to.

It almost brought Loras to tears to realise it. He wasn't ashamed, it was just a shock. He knew he was trying to fight back those kind of feelings for Renly but he'd always told himself that he had nothing to worry about. He was being stupid. He was kidding himself. It wasn't really a concern. But it was. He knew that now. He knew he must be like Renly. He couldn't fight it back anymore, Alys was right, there was something he hadn't known about himself, but he did now. He couldn't tell himself otherwise. In all honesty, he'd _liked_ it when Renly kissed him. He hadn't stopped him because he liked it. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He knew his life wasn't going to be easy from this point onwards. He'd seen the trouble it was causing Renly and it was going to give him the same problem. What would happen when he was expected to marry? When he became a knight his father would expect him to marry and then what? What would happen when he couldn't do what was expected of him?

He sunk down the wall and crumpled to the floor, a fresh wave of tears escaping his eyes. He didn't know what to do. In his heart he knew he had those kinds of feelings for Renly, but it was getting the courage to say it. Then there was the terrifying thought that Renly wouldn't remember it in the morning and Loras would have to pretend it never happened, if only to save his lord's dignity. Or what if he told him? What if he told Renly what he did but that it was okay? He didn't get the chance to wonder about it anymore as hurried footsteps echoed onto the landing. He quickly wiped his eyes and stood up, just as Lady Amber appeared.

'Is he alright?' She asked breathlessly.

'Fine.' Loras said slowly, wondering why news of Renly being drunk had dragged Amber away from her evening with the queen. 'He's just drunk. He's asleep.'

'Okay.' Amber sighed, evidently trying to calm herself down. 'Thank you, Loras.' He realised her _thank you_ sounded like a dismissal. The kind of thank you that sends a servant out of the room once they've served their purpose. He stared at her, unable to believe Amber would dismiss him like this. They were friends…

'_Thank you_, Loras.' She repeated indignantly. He nodded sadly and left her without another word. What in the seven hells was Amber playing at? He tried to consider that maybe her night with Queen Cersei hadn't been the easiest experience but he still felt hurt by her words. Besides, what could she possibly want with Renly while he was in that state anyway? He'd be no use to anyone until he'd sobered up.

Loras moodily kicked the door open into the yard outside the hall. It was only lit by a few torches around the edge and what little light the half moon was glowing onto it. He could still make out a figure in the corner of the yard, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. Ash. It brought a smile to Loras' face just to know that at least _someone_ was his friend tonight. He approached him and sat down beside him on the floor.

'Is he alright now? Your lord?' Ash asked quietly.

Loras shrugged, he couldn't even bring himself to care that much anymore. 'He'll be fine.'

Ash nodded and said nothing for a little while but that was fine with Loras, he was just enjoying the company rather than the conversation.

'Can I ask you something?' Ash broke the silence but his tone was hesitant. Loras nodded but it still took Ash another few moments to form his sentence. 'Are you… I mean to say, are you and him… I just mean-'

'No.' Loras answered flatly. He didn't even give a second thought to what Ash meant, he assumed he already knew. On a second thought, Loras realised that Ash could have been asking about anything, but for some reason he knew what he was being asked.

'Oh.' He replied. 'Alright. I just thought… I mean, you're so close…'

'We're friends.' Loras enlightened him a little more. He really didn't feel like elaborating any further into the matter, especially since Ash seemed to be able to pick up on these things.

'So if you're not…'

'Can we not talk about this, please?' Loras tried not to sound angry with Ash, but it was increasingly difficult given how desperately he did not want to discuss this.

'Of course. I'm sorry.' He said, his tone now back to his usual calming voice. 'You don't need to answer this, but just to let you know – it's not as uncommon as you'd think.' And that's where he left the topic. Loras didn't get the chance to comment on it if he'd wanted to, as Ash quickly addressed another issue. 'Are you competing in the tourney tomorrow?'

Loras had to take a moment to adjust to the rapid change in topic before he answered. 'Yes.' He said finally. 'Are you?'

Ash snorted and shook his head. 'Not a chance. I'm not nearly good enough and even if I was, my squire-master would never let me.'

'Who do you serve?' Loras asked him. He knew Ash squired for a Lannister, but he'd never found out which one. There was a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that he already knew.

'Ser Jaime.' Ash replied sullenly. 'He hates me.'

'It's probably because he's jealous.' Loras told him with a grin. It made him feel infinitely better about himself to know that he wasn't the only person who didn't particularly favour Jaime Lannister.

'I doubt that!' Ash let out a laugh. 'I'm useless! He's forever telling me just how useless I am!'

'Either way, I'm sure it's not true.' Loras told him surely. Ash gave him a thankful smile in return. 'Besides, Renly's convinced he's going to be unhorsed by Ser Jaime tomorrow.'

Ash raised an eyebrow. It took Loras a stupidly long time to realise his mistake. He'd called his lord by his first name and without his title. He swallowed and just looked down at his hands.

'You must be _very_ good friends.' Ash said with a smirk. Loras couldn't help but raise a smile at him as he gave him a light push. Ash grinned as he shoved Loras back considerably harder. This became somewhat of a play-fight as they lost track of who's turn it was to hit the other and just started pushing each other over on the floor, laughing. Loras realised he couldn't even remember why they'd started it in the first place, but he found himself not caring about reason. It was only at this point he realised what kind of a situation he'd put himself in. There he was, rolling over the floor with some other squire, lying on top of Ash like it was a perfectly acceptable thing to do. His smile faded as he pulled himself off the floor.

'I… I can't do this.' He stammered. Ash stared up at him from the ground and just nodded in understanding.

'I know.'

He wanted to respond with something, _anything_, but words failed him. He cast one last glance back before he turned away and went back to his room. He just wanted to be alone now to think things over. He had to remind himself that he was supposed to be competing tomorrow and worrying about all this was not going to help his chances. He lay awake for what felt like hours before eventually sleep found him.

Renly, on the other hand, had been sleeping for hours. He was woken up by the blinding sunlight streaming in from the window. He clasped his hand over his eyes and tried to block it out. He could hardly remember what happened after Robert made him toast to Winterfell. Everything was a mess after that. He had some vague recollection of Loras being around at some point but he had no idea why.

'Rough night?'

He nearly jumped out of his skin on hearing a voice from the other side of the room. He removed his hand from his face, squinting as he saw Lady Amber sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. She raised one eyebrow and smirked.

'Yes.' He mumbled in response, dropping his head back onto his pillow.

'You can't stay in bed all day.' Amber reminded him. He just groaned at the idea of having to compete in the tourney today. His head would be killing him and the fall from a horse might just finish the job.

'What happened last night?' He asked her, forcing himself to at least sit up. She sighed and gave him an uncharacteristically sympathetic look. He swallowed and prepared himself for the worst. Not many things earned an expression like that from Amber.

'Nothing.'

'Nothing?'

'Nothing.' She repeated, resetting her expression. He gaped at her. She'd given him such a look… and _nothing_ had happened? He had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that he should be feeling guilty for something. Amber sighed and elaborated. 'You got well into your cups in the hall, Loras dragged you up here and you lost consciousness. And here we are.'

'That's it? I got drunk and Loras brought me up here. That's everything?'

'You were expecting something more?'

'I suppose…' He tried to read her eyes but she was a closed book. 'I feel like I ought to feel guilty about something… I just can't remember what.'

'Maybe you should ask Loras. I was with the queen most of the evening.' And with that she got up, straightened out her dress and made to leave.

'Where is Loras?' Renly called after her. She momentarily turned around.

'I sent him to the tourney ground to get ready. I suggest you do the same.' And with that, she left.


	12. Chapter 12

Renly found Loras on the grounds, in one of the tents they'd pitched up. This one was supposed to be Renly's to get ready for the tourney, but since Loras was his squire it wasn't strange that he'd be there. He shot him a curious, unreadable look when he saw him. Renly didn't like it.

'How are you feeling?' Loras asked him, caution very evident his voice. That instantly alerted Renly as to who he was meant to feel guilty about. He'd done something bad to Loras. What had he said? He still couldn't remember.

'Not well.' He answered honestly, all but collapsing into a chair. 'My head hurts and I don't even remember getting to my chambers. Amber says you helped me.'

Loras blinked a few times and looked away before he answered. 'Yes, I did. You could hardly walk on your own.'

'Well… thank you.'

'It's fine.' Loras said flatly. 'It's my duty.'

A few moments of silence passed between them. Loras was busy polishing Renly's armour, spread out across the floor. He didn't look up again. It was glaringly obvious he was trying to avoid looking at Renly.

'Loras, what happened last night? Did I do something foolish, or…'

His squire tensed, put down the polish and sat up. He took another few moments to look back. 'No. Of course not, why would you?' Renly didn't believe that for an instant. It wasn't in Loras' nature to lie, he already knew that, so he could tell that what he'd just said was not true.

'You're lying.' He told him quietly. 'What did I do?'

'_Nothing_.' Loras' eyes darted away again. Renly was feeling far to ill to deal with his stubbornness just now. He got up off his chair and gently forced Loras to look at him, lifting his face with his hand. The response he got was not one he wanted to dwell upon. Loras reacted the same way he had done that time Renly touched his leg. He almost leapt backwards.

'Sorry…' Renly apologised, unsure as to what had made Loras change his mind about that. They'd got a lot closer since then… he'd even hugged him once…

Loras shook his head. 'It's my fault. You just startled me, that's all.'

'Is it?' Renly asked disbelievingly. 'Loras, please, what did I do? If I hurt you, I'm sorry…'

'You didn't hurt me.' He answered quickly. 'Not at all.'

'Then what happened?'

'I don't want to talk about it.' Loras replied in nearly a whisper. Renly didn't like seeing him like that. If he hadn't hurt him, then what? What could possibly have got such a response?

'Loras, _please_-'

'I said I don't want to talk about it.' Loras repeated, clear motivation behind his voice this time. Loras got up and moved away, going to where his own armour was and starting to put it all on.

'Do you want any help?'

'_No_.'

Renly sighed and stayed where he was. He put on his own armour without any assistance, even though that was meant to be Loras' job, he felt like he owed him some time off. He just wanted to know what he'd done so he could fix it! It was tearing him up inside knowing he'd done something so bad it had made Loras behave this way. Someone came by to alert them that there was only a few minutes to go and put the list of entrants on the table. Renly picked it up and groaned when he saw it.

'What is it?' Loras asked him from across the room.

'I'm against Jaime.' Renly sighed. 'Like I said I would be.'

'When?'

'First.'

Loras appeared by his side and put his hand on his shoulder. 'At least you can sit down the rest of the day. You look terrible.'

'Thank you.'

Loras grinned at him and Renly couldn't help but smile back. It seemed that Loras had brightened up, but there was still something else. He hadn't forgotten about whatever Renly had done.

Loras stood by the gate to the field, after he'd helped Renly onto his horse. Jaime Lannister was visible in his classic gold armour at the other end. For a moment Loras locked eyes with Ash, but quickly looked away. He was worried about Renly having to fight in the condition he was in at the moment. He was more likely to fall of his horse without Jaime Lannister even touching him. Loras wanted to say something to him, just something encouraging, but he couldn't think of anything. His mind was still too clouded with images of the night before. And every time Renly asked him what had happened… Loras wanted so badly to tell him the truth. But he knew he wouldn't like to hear it. He wouldn't understand. He'd tell him he was _sorry_ and that he should never have done it. Loras didn't want him to regret it. He'd worked it all out. He didn't want Renly to be sorry for it, he wanted the opposite. Renly should be glad he did it. But Loras knew he never would be.

Loras watched the joust start, with Jaime making an effort to hit Renly first time but missing. Loras watched the horses turn around and go in for it again. He noticed a reaction in Renly's horse before it even happened. The horse bucked him off. For a moment Loras' heart leapt into his mouth as Renly fell to the ground. Loras breathed again once he saw him start to get up. He turned his attention back to Jaime, as he removed his helm and that Lannister smirk appeared on his lips. Loras despised him. Even more so when he realised what he'd done. Jaime's mare was in season, he was using it to his advantage! He _knew_ Renly's horse would react that way. Loras was beyond furious about that. Jaime was a knight and this was… this was practically cheating!

He all but caught Renly as he approached the gate. Loras helped him back to the tent and into a chair. Renly took off his helm and a nice bruise was starting to appear on his cheek.

'Are you hurt anywhere else?' Loras asked him, his eyes flitting back to his cheek. Renly shook his head, then instantly regretted it.

'My neck.' He muttered, half laughing. 'I think I landed badly.'

'You did.' Loras told him with a sigh. He'd seen his landing and it had not been pretty. 'But Jaime cheated.'

'Cheated?'

'His horse was in season-'

Renly cut him off with a laugh. 'There is no cheating, Loras. There are no rules to cheat.'

Loras rolled his eyes. 'Fine. But it wasn't very… knightly.'

'Don't tell me, you'd never do something like that, would you?'

Loras observed him for a moment, the sarcastic look on his face and the grin even though he was hurt. 'It depends how badly I wanted to beat Jaime Lannister.' He replied with a similar look. He was really trying to make an effort to pretend nothing had changed between them, because he knew it hadn't for Renly. He couldn't remember why things should be different.

Renly got out of his armour and changed into something a little more comfortable before leaving the tent and finding a seat in the crowd. He couldn't help but smirk as he found himself seated on a bench that was empty all but for Lord Baelish. The Master of Coin. The same man Renly had promised Loras he'd make a bet with. He watched as Loras was saddled his horse at the other end of the field. His current opponent was some insignificant lordling – Renly didn't even recognise his name.

'That's your squire, isn't it, Lord Renly?' Petyr Baelish spoke up as he moved along to bench to sit a bit closer.

'It is, Lord Petyr.'

'He must be good, if you've allowed him to enter while he's still a squire.' Even from his tone Renly could tell Littlefinger was after something. He was fishing for information. Renly had heard tales from Amber about Littlefinger, so this endeavour was hardly surprising.

'He is.' Renly said flatly. He caught Lord Baelish simply smiling then turned his attention back to the field.

'A wager, then, Lord Renly?' Lord Baelish offered. Renly smirked to himself and agreed. He could tell Lord Baelish was about to try and make a bet. They agreed a price and watched the joust begin. It only took two turns before Loras had knocked his opponent off his horse. Renly was pleasantly surprised by the reaction of the crowd, they seemed to the really have taken to Loras. On the field Loras removed his helm and the elated confusion was evident on his face. It took him a moment but eventually he flashed a smile at the crowd and Renly could have sworn he saw one young girl faint. Lord Baelish looked beyond surprised at the situation. 'I suspect I owe you some money then.' He said flatly. Renly could only grin at him.

The joust continued throughout the day, leaving the quarter finals and beyond to be completed tomorrow. Renly could not have been more impressed that Loras had managed to make it that far! He would join Barristan Selmy, Balon Swann and Jaime Lannister in the quarter finals. Though a part of Renly felt a little sorry for the Kingslayer, having to face Loras tomorrow after the obvious hatred Loras had shown for him earlier.

It was dark by the time Loras got changed out of his armour and accompanied Renly out of the tent to go to dinner. Renly was recounting the events of the day and how he'd won his bet against Littlefinger – which seemed to please Loras even more than making the quarter finals – when voices in the silent field stopped them both in their tracks. Loras peered around a tent to see who the voices belonged to. He saw Lady Amber backed up against a tree with some drunken knight leering over her. Loras reached for his sword.

'What is it?' Renly hissed at him.

'Amber.' Loras whispered back, drawing his sword and going to step out of the shadows. Before he got the chance, another sword was audibly drawn and another voice shouted out across the grass. Jaime Lannister.

'You'll take your hands away from my cousin.' Jaime ordered the knight confidently. His sword was poised in his hand as he approached. Amber rolled her eyes and looked back at her cousin.

'I could have taken care of this, Jaime.' She said flatly.

'How?' He asked her with a smirk. Both of them seemed to think the current situation was some kind of joke. Amber laughed quietly and reached under her skirts, drawing out a short knife. Jaime raised one eyebrow in amusement. 'Well done.' He said with a grin. All the same he swatted the drunken knight away from Amber with the flat of his sword. He fell to the floor and groaned into the dirt.

'Try that again and it won't be the flat of the sword.' Jaime warned him, sheathing his sword once again. He offered Amber his arm once she'd stowed the knife away. She took it and allowed him to walk her the short distance it took to get to the tent Loras and Renly were watching from.

'Enjoying the view?' Jaime asked them both, not waiting for an answer. Loras glared at him while Renly only tried to offer a pleasant smile. 'No need to spring to action, Tyrell,' Jaime told Loras with a cocky smirk. 'no one expects squires to come to the rescue.' Renly could almost feel the anger radiating from Loras beside him. He desperately tried to diffuse the situation.

'Well, it doesn't matter, Lady Amber is alright – that's the important thing.'

'Of course.' Jaime replied, but his tone was somewhat mocking. 'We all know how fond you are of her, Lord Renly.'

'Jaime, please.' Amber told him, her tone sharp. 'He's already had this from Cersei, he doesn't need it from you as well.'

'Oh, I beg to differ.' Jaime continued undeterred. 'It was his job to marry you, Amber, and look what happened. But don't worry, Lord Renly,' Jaime leaned a little closer, which wiped the smile clean off Renly's face and only proceeded to anger Loras more. 'I know the reason why.' Jaime told him in no more than a whisper.

'Do you?' Loras started up, well aware that Jaime had intended for him to hear his words, too. He'd silently drawn his sword and it was now no more than an inch away from the Kingslayer's stomach. Jaime looked a little worried for a moment but it had vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

'Very nice, Tyrell.' Jaime complimented him in sarcasm. 'But save your energy for the tourney tomorrow – you'll need it.' And with that Jaime kicked Loras in the shin and sent him to the floor. Loras went to get up but Jaime put his foot over his ankle. 'Try it and I'll break it.' Loras stopped moving but his glare should have been enough to kill. 'Lord Renly,' Jaime turned his attention back to him while Amber watched Loras on the floor, actual worry in her eyes. 'I can trust you to accompany my dear cousin to dinner, can't I? Most lords or knights I wouldn't trust with her, but I'll trust you. After all, she's been safe all that time alone with you at Storm's End.' He kissed Amber on the cheek and left her with Renly and Loras, who was now scrambling up from the floor, clearly in debate about whether to go after the Kingslayer.

'Don't.' Amber told him sternly. 'And don't take what he says to heart. Either of you.' She said. 'He doesn't know what he's talking about.'

'Doesn't he?' Renly hissed at her, betrayal evident in his tone. 'It seemed like he knew an awful lot, actually. You told him didn't you?'

'_No_.'

'Or you told the queen?'

'I didn't!' Amber answered back with a passion.

'You must have! How else would he know? I thought we were _friends_!'

Amber answered him with action this time, slapping him across the cheek. He stared back at her in disbelief, clutching one hand to his cheek. Loras could only watch with wide eyes.

'Lannisters might lie, Renly,' Amber told him in a disturbingly quiet voice. 'but they do not betray their allies.'

'Is that so?' Renly continued sharply, clearly more than offended by the slap. 'Is that why your cousin himself killed the king it was his duty to protect?'

And Amber slapped him again. Renly's cheek was now a considerable shade of crimson. He made no pained sound, though. Loras could have sworn he saw tears teasing Amber's eyes. She said nothing else before she stormed off towards the hall. Neither Loras nor Renly moved for a good few moments after Amber left.

'I can't believe she just did that…' Loras breathed, still watching Amber as she veered off the path and into the walled courtyard outside the hall. Renly shook his head and laughed coldly.

'I can believe it. I don't doubt that I fully deserved that.'

Loras turned back to stare at him in shock. 'Deserved it? You did nothing to provoke that! She must have told someone otherwise why would Jaime say that?'

Renly shrugged casually, beginning to follow Amber's path towards the hall. 'It is no matter. Maybe Jaime was making a casual threat on something he knew nothing about. It's when Lord Varys or Littlefinger starts accusing you that there's going to be a problem.'

'But what if Jaime tells one of them?'

It seemed as though Renly had already thought of that, as his expression darkened but did not appear surprised. 'Then so be it.'

'So be it?' Loras repeated in shock. Renly shot him a look that forced his voice down in volume as he remembered where they were. 'You've made such an effort to keep it a secret…' Loras whispered back.

'I know.' Renly sighed as he pushed open the gate to the courtyard. The music from the hall was loud outside as they had completely missed most of the food and the dancing had begun. 'But who's going to believe them, anyway?' Renly mused, stopping in the courtyard while they continued the conversation.

'I suppose.' Loras answered slowly. 'But you… you haven't… I mean to say, you're not going to marry, so…'

Renly smirked at him and ruffled his hair. It brought a smile to Loras' face but Renly could see there was something unreadable in that smile. It unnerved him for some reason. 'There are other things to life than getting married, Loras.'

'Not to most other lords.'


	13. Chapter 13

Renly smirked at him and ruffled his hair. It brought a smile to Loras' face but Renly could see there was something unreadable in that smile. It unnerved him for some reason. 'There are other things to life than getting married, Loras.'

'Not to most other lords.'

They finally went into the hall, where the music was significantly louder. Loras couldn't help but smirk as the second Renly sat down on a bench there seemed to be a group of girls gathering nearby. Renly and Loras exchanged an amused look that conveyed something along the lines of _poor girls_, knowing none of them would get more than a dance from the lord of Storm's End.

'Can you dance, Loras?' Renly asked him cheerfully, his mood improving drastically with the music and laughter in the hall.

'Obviously.' Loras answered confidently.

'Only asking.' Renly replied with a grin at the brash confidence of his squire. Loras glanced over at the girls around them and noticed a few of them blush when he looked in their direction. He hastily stared at the floor. He had not expected that.

'It would appear that the girls of King's Landing are quite taken by you.' Renly told him with a smile. Loras noted that his smile wasn't as bright as it normally would be on saying something like that. There was an undertone of something else.

'Apparently.' Loras mumbled to the floor.

'Don't pretend to be shy.' Renly beamed at him, giving him a light poke in the ribs.

'I am _not_ shy.' Loras told him indignantly, lifting his eyes quickly from the ground.

'Didn't think you were.'

'In fact, how about a competition?' Loras continued with a smirk. Renly didn't like the sound of it but he silently wondered what the reward of a competition with Loras might be. He cursed himself for thinking it but he couldn't help it. 'We'll see who can dance with the most girls tonight.' Loras said.

'Really, Loras, that's not really my… forte.' Renly tried to phrase it in a way that it wouldn't be significant if overheard. He wasn't sure it was working.

'You don't have to bed them,' Loras laughed quietly, having the decency to keep his voice down. 'just dance with them. You've danced with enough girls before now, haven't you?'

'Of course.' Renly sighed. That much was true. Whenever he attended something like this there was always a cluster of girls expecting to be asked to dance by him. He suspected it was because he was the only brother of the king who wasn't yet married – not just because of his good looks.

'Go on then.' Loras urged him. Renly rolled his eyes and agreed. Loras watched him get up and ask one of the prettier Frey girls to dance with him. He raised one eyebrow in Loras' direction before letting the girl have his full attention. Loras noticed a girl watching him from across the hall. She had long blonde hair and deep, green eyes. She smiled at him before quickly looking away. Loras sighed, judging by her surroundings that she was a Lannister. She bared a very close likeness to the queen, except this girl had a naturally kind face, as a pose to the sour look Queen Cersei normally wore. Before Loras could make up his mind as to whether he really wanted to ask the Lannister girl to dance, another one swept into view. Amber.

'Lady Amber…' Loras started, not entirely sure what he was meant to say to her after the previous events. She smiled politely at him and offered a curtsey very unlike herself. 'Would you like to dance?' Loras asked her uncertainly. She clearly wanted him to say _something_, he just hoped he'd made the right choice. Amber accepted his hand and allowed him to lead her onto the floor. Loras was more afraid at being so close to Lady Amber than he'd ever been dancing with any other girl.

'That Frey girl is completely besotted with Renly.' She told Loras in his ear as they danced. He noted that he did not like her being in such close proximity to be able to whisper without effort. It felt like he was part of a conspiracy. He said nothing. Amber's red dress seemed to glide across the floor, adding more to Loras' reasons he shouldn't trust her - she was wearing Lannister red, she was working for her family tonight.

'And also,' Amber continued, her voice even quieter. 'I don't know if you noticed, but Renly doesn't remember what happened last night. I'd appreciate it if you kept it that way.'

Loras continued his silence, but this time from confusion. Amber didn't know about what had happened last night between himself and Renly… did she?

'Of course.' Loras said finally. 'But how did you know?'

'Know what?' Amber answered, confusion weaving its way into her voice, too.

'About what happened…'

'I was… Loras, I think we're talking about different things. What happened to you?'

'Me? What are _you_ talking about?' He hissed, as this whole conversation had been a series of whispers. The song ended and Amber all but dragged him away from the floor and to an empty bench.

'Loras, _what happened_?' She asked him, her voice barely audible as she glanced around the room to ensure no one was watching. Loras followed her gaze to see that she was watching Lord Varys converse with Thoros of Myr and Lord Baelish deep in conversation with Jon Arryn's wife. She snapped her fingers in front of Loras' face. 'Don't stare!' She all but growled.

'I don't think… I don't want… Amber, I don't know what to say…'

'Tell me what happened! What did Renly do that you saw?'

'I didn't _see_ it as such, I… I shouldn't be telling you this.'

'_Loras_.' Her eyes told him that this was something she was not going to let go of. Loras reminded himself that he only had to hold out until the tourney was over, after that Amber would be going back to Casterly Rock, where she couldn't pester him about it.

'No.' He told her strongly. 'What happened with you?'

'I'm hardly likely to tell you, am I? But you don't know? You didn't hear anything?'

'Hear anything?' He repeated. Amber nodded. 'No. I went back down to the hall after you… dismissed me.' She flinched slightly at Loras' choice of words.

'Well, I apologise for my behaviour.' She told him flatly. 'But I am a lady, I can dismiss you as I please, Loras.'

'I know,' Loras sighed, then added, 'my lady.' As if to prove her point. She smirked at him. Amber's attention was suddenly snapped away by something else, her hair whipping around as she shifted her gaze across the hall.

'What's _he_ doing?' She whispered, more to herself than Loras, but he watched anyway. He saw Renly being pulled aside by Lord Jon Arryn, the Hand of the king. Loras somehow knew this was a bad sign. This was what Alys had warned Renly about – this was the offer from Robert. A horrible, sickening sensation was forming in the pit of Loras' stomach, he just hoped Amber didn't see it in his face. It was a short conversation between the two but Loras could see Renly's face had paled by the time Jon Arryn left him. He made for the door without a glance back into the room. Loras felt momentarily hurt by that action, cursing himself for feeling that way. However, Renly stopped at the doors and his eyes found Loras, who couldn't stop the leap his heart made at that. Renly gently nodded towards the yard and Loras knew he wanted him to come with him.

'Sorry, Amber.' He told her quietly, his eyes barely leaving the doors. She glared at him. 'By your leave, my lady.'

'I don't give my leave.' Amber told him through gritted teeth. Loras could only offer her a sympathetic look.

'I don't care.' He whispered to her as he passed her. He didn't turn back but he knew she was staring after him in shock. He'd never denied her like this before, normally when she used her rank he did what she wanted. This was different. He felt like Renly needed him more.

He was met by an empty courtyard. For a minute he thought maybe he'd misread Renly's gesture, but then he realised that Renly could hardly be seen ushering his squire outside with him – not with Jaime Lannister having threatened what he did. Loras made for the door and followed the stairs up to Renly's chambers. He did the polite thing and knocked first.

'I don't know why you bother, Loras.' Renly called out to him. Loras smirked to himself and opened the door, shutting it quietly behind him. Renly was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He looked troubled to say the least.

'What if it wasn't me?' Loras asked him as he perched himself on the edge of the bed.

'That would have been very embarrassing.' Renly commented, though he didn't really care at this point. There was far too much else on his mind.

'What happened?' Loras questioned, his voice almost compassionate. Renly shifted his gaze off the ceiling to look back at his squire.

'Jon Arryn wants to come and see me later.' He said with a sigh. 'He says he has a proposition from Robert.' The thought filled Renly with dread. Whatever it was that his brother wanted him to do, Renly would not let it drag him away from Storm's End. He'd been told on numerous occasions how scorned Stannis felt that Renly had been given Storm's End instead of him, it would only add insult to injury if Renly just upped and left at Robert's beck and call. And the gods knew Stannis didn't need another reason to resent his younger brother.

'This is it, isn't it?' Loras asked weakly. Renly sat up and nodded at him. He couldn't find the words to actually say it, he could feel his throat tightening with a sudden sorrow over the implications of leaving. 'But if I'm your squire… can't I come with you?' Loras said hopefully.

Renly could only smile at his naivety. 'You're not going to be my squire for much longer, Loras.' He told him with a heavy sigh. The light literally dimmed in Loras' eyes and it sickened Renly to have to be the one to tell him. 'Alys said it would take me almost a year to decide… do you really think you'll stay my squire for a whole year? Your performance in the tourney hasn't gone unnoticed, you know.' Renly knew that all too well. Before he'd spoken to Jon Arryn he'd had numerous lords, ladies and knights alike telling him what a good job his squire had done and asking when he'd be knighted. It made Renly proud to hear it but saddened him deeply knowing Loras would have to leave for it.

'Really?' Loras questioned in disbelief. 'You're going to…'

'Yes.' Renly told him, his voice now a strange quiet tone. 'I don't know when but… well, in all seriousness, Loras, you're just too good to squire for me for much longer.'

Loras offered him a confident smirk to lighten up the situation before joking, 'I was too good to squire for you when I came to Storm's End.' Renly couldn't help but laugh at that, because of course, Loras was right about that. 'It's only thanks to your master at arms that I actually learned something.'

'And Lady Amber.' Renly told him with a fond smile. 'I believe she beat you in the yard once, didn't she?'

'We shouldn't mention that.' Loras muttered. 'Ever.' But Renly could only laugh at that. It seemed like all of a sudden he was loosing everyone around him. First Amber was being sent home, now Loras would have to leave once he became a knight – and now Renly would eventually have to leave Storm's End for King's Landing. He just wanted everything to stay the same.

A knock at the door ended the laughter as both boys turned to look at it. Renly sighed and got up to open it.

'Wait!' Loras hissed at him. Renly paused and watched Loras cross the room and pick up a cup from the table. 'Well, I've got to look like I'm doing _something_, haven't I?' Renly could only nod and silently agree. It would not be proper for Loras to just come and talk to him, it was only right that he pretend he was actually doing his job. Renly opened the door and saw Jon Arryn waiting for him patiently. He offered a smile as Loras left the room with the cup. Once he was behind Lord Jon he flashed Renly a comforting smile before he disappeared from sight.

'Pleasant squire you have there, Lord Renly.' Jon Arryn told him politely as he entered the room. Renly shut the door behind him as the Hand of the king took a seat at the small table at the other side of the room.

'Yes.' Was about all Renly could say in response. Jon Arryn gestured for him to join him at the table. Renly then remembered his manners. 'Would you like something to drink, Lord Jon?'

'No.' He answered with a fond smile. 'This will only be a short talk.'

'Of course.' Renly answered quietly. Jon Arryn always seemed like a nice enough man but Renly couldn't help but wonder what it was that had made Robert make him his Hand. Granted, Jon Arryn had been a second father to Robert but it didn't mean he would make a good Hand. There had to be something else.

'There is a position soon to be vacated in the small council.' Jon Arryn told him bluntly. Renly tried to keep his expression calm but he was certain he wasn't doing a very good job. 'Master of laws.' The Hand continued. Renly tried his hardest not to choke on simply hearing the words. That was a big position on the small council and was an important position for the whole realm. And Robert wanted _him_ to do it? Robert wanted his sixteen-year-old brother to become the master of laws?

'Our king wished me to proposition you about the position.' Jon Arryn elaborated, as if he didn't believe Renly fully understood what he was saying.

'My lord, I…' Renly stammered, trying to find the right words to say what he wanted to. 'That's such an important position, surely there is someone better suited than I…'

'Robert wants you.' He clarified, his expression remaining completely straight.

'But… but I don't think…'

'It is no matter. You need not decide now.'

'Thank you, Lord Jon.' Renly said quietly.

'Robert will no doubt want to see you tomorrow.' Jon Arryn told him. Renly just nodded. Robert would be as he always way, impatient and nagging. He'd take it as a personal sleight if Renly did not jump at the opportunity. 'There will be a household waiting for you, should you decide to take up the position. Perhaps you'd like to see it at some point?'

'Of course, yes.' Renly agreed, but his voice had almost failed him. He knew Jon Arryn could sense his reluctance and shock at the situation. Surely that wasn't someone they wanted on the small council. The Hand cleared his throat and changed the topic.

'That squire, though,' he continued. Renly could only stare. 'he rather proved himself today.'

'He did.' Renly said in a small voice.

'I imagine he should be knighted soon.'

'I suppose so.'

'You are unsure?'

'No, no, of course not.' Renly answered quickly, cursing himself for his clumsy mistake. 'I just don't know when, is all.'

'It will be tough work to find another quite like him, I imagine.' Jon told him as he got up from his chair.

'Indeed.' Renly muttered. That was one way of putting it. He saw the Hand of the king to the door and could only sigh in relief when he shut it behind him. He leant back against the door and closed his eyes. What in the seven hells was he supposed to do now? He couldn't refuse Robert, he'd take such offence at that, but similarly, he desperately didn't want to leave Storm's End. To leave Loras. He knew it would be selfish and unfair to keep him as a squire any longer than necessary. Renly felt that even now Loras had well and truly outgrown the position. If he didn't knight him it would only be unfair to Loras, no matter how much he might protest it.

Another knock on the door broke him out of his thoughts. He leapt back from it. The shock didn't last too long when he realised that Loras had probably been waiting for Jon Arryn to leave. Renly opened the door and the smirk instantly dropped from his face. He swallowed hard and tried to find his voice.

'Lord Varys.' He half whispered. 'This is… unexpected.'


	14. Chapter 14

'Lord Varys.' He half whispered. 'This is… unexpected.'

'No doubt.' Varys tittered. Renly felt like he wanted to hide himself behind the door, just one look from Lord Varys made him feel like all his secrets were known. 'You were expecting someone else?'

'I… no, no, I wasn't expecting anyone.'

'Oh?' Varys continued innocently. 'Then why the curious expression on opening the door, I wonder.' Renly cursed himself for it as he stepped back to allow the master of whisperers into his chambers. He quickly scanned the corridor in the hope of seeing Loras, but he didn't. He shut the door again and made his way back to the table he'd been so pleased to vacate.

'And what can I do for you, Lord Varys?' He asked him as he sat down.

'Nothing, nothing,' Varys smiled. 'I was merely paying you a visit.'

'Oh.' Renly said shortly. He could rather do without this visit. 'Thank you.'

'Although, your squire-'

'Yes, he really is very good, isn't he?' Renly interrupted, his patience well and truly wearing thin over people complimenting him about his squire. 'He will be knighted soon, so don't worry about that.'

'Yes.' Varys mused, studying Renly intently. He wanted to move out of his gaze but he knew it wouldn't be proper. Renly also knew his outburst was not proper either, it was no wonder Varys was staring at him. 'Yes, it is a curious relationship you share with him.'

'I'm sorry?' Renly questioned, suddenly very on edge about all of this. How could he have let his temper get the better of him like that? He may well have just handed Varys the evidence he needed.

'You seem very close.' Lord Varys continued, his voice remaining soft. That unnerved Renly. 'And then there is the strange circumstance surrounding Lady Amber Lannister…'

'That wasn't _strange_.' Renly told him heatedly. 'She was betrothed to my cousin. I didn't want to dishonour his memory like that.' Varys opened his mouth to argue but Renly stopped him. 'Please, I'm tired of explaining myself to Lannisters about this. Please don't question me further.'

'My apologies, Lord Renly.' Varys told him. It sounded sincere but Renly doubted it actually was. 'It only seems like an odd coincidence that you share such a… _close_ relationship with the Tyrell boy and you refuse the marriage of a Lannister lady.'

'I didn't _refuse_, Lord Varys.' Renly insisted. The eunuch simply stared back at him. 'I already told you why I didn't marry Lady Amber.'

'And your squire?'

'What of him?' Renly answered sharply. 'He's a good squire. He's a lord's son, it only seems natural it would be easy to hold a conversation with him – I'm a lord's son, too.'

'You're the king's brother.'

'Thank you for that, Lord Varys, I'd quite forgotten.'

The eunuch's expression considerably darkened on hearing the sarcasm. 'I will make my point and leave.' He said quietly. 'Do not presume you can keep secrets as illicit as yours in King's Landing, Lord Renly. I have my little birds and they have been whispering all sorts of things about you.' He stood up to leave, while Renly could only gape at him. '_I know_, Lord Renly.' And with that the eunuch let himself out of the room, the door squeaking shut behind him.

Renly got up and poured himself a cup of wine and downed it in one. Varys knew. The master of whisperers knew. He drank another cup. And now Loras was implicated, too. And another cup. He didn't even notice the door opening this time.

'Renly?' Loras whispered across the darkened room. He shut the door behind him and approached his lord. 'Renly, I saw Lord Varys leaving… what was he doing here?' Then Loras saw the wine jug and sighed. 'Are you drunk?'

'No.' Renly answered flatly. 'But believe me, I'm trying.'

'What did Varys want?'

'He knows.'

'Knows what?'

'He _knows_, Loras. He knows about me.' Renly left out what the eunuch had implied about Loras, he knew it wasn't meant for his ears, especially the day before the tourney finals.

'But… how?'

Renly shrugged and reached for the jug again. Loras slapped his hand back. Renly glared at him but Loras paid him no mind. He led him across the room and gently pushed him down to sit on the bed.

'Varys has his spies, Loras.' Renly told him with a sigh. 'I knew that and I still thought I could make it in King's Landing. I was a fool to ever think that.'

'Well, Varys can hardly have any proof… can he? I mean, his spies, they don't… they can't…' Loras stammered, like he was trying to ask a question he knew he shouldn't. Renly stared at him curiously.

'They can't _what_?'

'They can't spy on people's rooms, can they? Their private rooms, surely they don't spy on people's chambers?' Something in voice was off, like there was a reason they definitely should not be spying there. That was it, Renly thought. This was what Loras had been hiding, whatever Renly had done while he was drunk. If it concerned this topic… gods, Renly couldn't even begin to try and comprehend what he'd done.

'I don't know.' He whispered, still watching his squire intently. 'Why? They wouldn't have evidence even if they did… would they?'

Loras quickly looked away. 'No, of course they wouldn't. No.'

'Loras?' Renly pressed. His squire still didn't turn around. When he'd thought about what had happened the night previously, he'd presumed he'd said or done something to hurt Loras, he definitely had done something to affect him. It worried him that Loras was bringing this up now. Renly gently lifted Loras' face with his hand so he would look at him. There was definitely something else behind his perfect brown eyes.

'Loras, what happened last night?'

His squire looked like he was about to cry. Renly felt that guilty feeling in his head again, like he'd done something awful. Loras shook his head and pushed Renly's hand away. He said nothing.

'You _need_ to tell me. Clearly you think there's some kind of evidence Varys could use if his spies can see into my chambers. Whatever it is, I'm sorry-'

'You kissed me.'

Renly stopped speaking instantly. Loras wasn't looking at him, he was just staring straight ahead at the darkened wall.

'I… I did what?'

'You kissed me.' Loras repeated quietly. Renly still couldn't quite believe he heard him right.

'I…' He tried to think of something to say but deep in the back of his mind he could remember it. He couldn't think of anything surrounding the event but it sounded like the truth. 'I'm sorry, I should never… I don't…'

Loras turned back and just smirked at him. 'Lost for words?' He asked, something slightly chilling in his voice.

'Somewhat, yes.' Renly admitted. He could feel himself blushing, knowing what he'd done to Loras. 'I'm so sorry, Loras. I was drunk… I know that's no excuse, but-'

'Renly, can I ask you a favour?'

'Anything.'

'Don't ever apologise for that again.'

'Right, yes.' Renly muttered. He gathered his thoughts and tried again. 'Yes, you're right. We should just forget about it. I won't mention it again. I'll stop talking.'

'That's exactly what I meant.' Loras mumbled. Renly caught it but couldn't decipher it. It sounded like it was the exact opposite of what Loras had meant. Loras sighed and leant back against the bedpost. 'Do you want to know how it happened?' Loras asked him calmly. Renly could hardly speak. How was he talking so normally about this?

'Y-yes, alright.' He decided it might be better if he heard the whole story.

Loras could only watch him for a moment. It had taken all the courage he had to tell Renly what he'd done. Loras really didn't want to tell him, but it was when Renly told him he was sorry that he'd snapped.

'You were so drunk that I had to all but drag you upstairs. In fact, you were so drunk you could hardly get out of your chair in the hall, I had to go up and help you.'

'I'm sorry-'

'Don't.' Loras shot him a harsh stare that shut him up instantly. 'It earned me a compliment from the king, anyway, I wouldn't apologise for that.' He continued with a smile. Renly almost smiled back. 'So, I brought you back up here. I just wanted a rest, if I'm honest, you're not exactly light.'

'Thank you.' Renly muttered darkly, earning himself a grin from his squire.

'You're _tall_ is all I meant.' Loras smirked at him. Renly flashed him a quick smile. 'So, you reminded me that I was your squire and that if you told me to do something I had to do it. I agreed. You told me to shut my eyes and I did. After about a minute… you, um, well, you kissed me. Then you fell onto the bed and didn't wake up until the next morning, I presume.'

Renly just watched him in silence for a while. Loras wondered if he'd actually heard him, but he didn't pressure him. If anything he just wanted him to stop apologising for it. When he'd tilted Loras' face to look at him earlier, Loras had wanted nothing more than to kiss him. It frightened Loras to his very core to know that he wanted to do that, but it didn't lessen his desire for it.

'You have no idea how much I want to apologise.' Renly said eventually. Loras rolled his eyes and just shook his head.

'Don't you dare.'

'I won't.' Renly sighed. 'But what I did was _wrong_. I should never have put you in that position. It wasn't fair.'

Loras had to bite his tongue to stop himself telling Renly it was completely fair and he'd quite like to be put in that position again. Instead he just stared at him.

'And now with Lord Varys… he might think you're… _like me_.' Renly whispered, his green eyes shining in the dark from the light of the candle on the bedside table.

'And if he does?'

'That doesn't scare you? That Varys might think you're something you're not?'

That stung more than Renly would ever know. Loras could only imagine what Renly had been through, hiding his true self away from the world, but Loras thought this was worse. He was hiding his real feelings from someone who trusted him.

'What's he going to do, Renly?' Loras asked him with a smirk. 'Besides, Lord Varys doesn't make mistakes.' He knew in himself that Varys wasn't wrong, he hadn't made a mistake at all. A part of him hoped that Renly would grasp what he saying and realise. But Loras knew he wouldn't.

'You're right.' Renly said finally. 'Absolutely. Varys won't suspect you because he doesn't make mistakes. Exactly.'

Loras actually found it rather endearing how concerned Renly was about Loras being implicated. He seemed to care more about that than the consequences for himself.

'It's getting late, Loras, you should get some rest for the tourney.' Renly told him. Loras nodded but didn't move to leave.

'Do you want me to…'

'No.' Renly stopped him before he could say the rest. 'I don't think that's wise, do you?'

'I _told_ you, it doesn't bother me, I-'

'That was before.' Renly cut him off, turning away and standing up. 'It's been proven that I can't trust myself anymore. You should leave.'

Loras had to bite his tongue again, but only to distract himself from how hurt he was at Renly saying that. He could feel prickling behind his eyes and he did not want to cry about this. He _refused_ to cry about this. He got up to leave without another word. He got off the bed and couldn't manage to stifle a sob before he'd left. He felt Renly grab his wrist. _Not now_…

'Loras?' Renly said softly, turning him back around to face him. Loras stared at the floor, unwilling to let Renly see him crying. He tried to swallow back tears but it was too late. 'Are you crying?'

'No.' Loras muttered, but even his voice couldn't manage that. Renly gently lifted Loras' head again and he was clearly taken aback by Loras' eyes. Loras was so ashamed of himself but he couldn't find his voice.

'Why are you upset? You told me not to apologise, I-'

'It's not that.' Loras told him, the need to tell him overriding his pride over the sound of his voice being so weak. 'It doesn't matter. I should go.'

Again, Renly stopped him and pulled him back. 'Tell me.'

'I _can't_.' Loras hissed at him, angry at himself for crying as well as at Renly for stopping him leaving.

'Can't?' Renly let go of Loras' wrist. His voice was small. 'Why not?'

Loras shook his head. 'I just can't. It doesn't matter. You won't understand.'

'I won't understand?' Renly repeated. '_I won't understand_?'

'I'm leaving.' Loras told him before he could embarrass himself any more. 'Good night.' And he darted out of the room before Renly could pull him back. He got into his own chambers and shut the door quickly. He just wanted to be alone. Well, no, he didn't, he wanted to be with Renly but that wasn't looking too likely.

Loras sat himself at the window and stared out over the tourney grounds. His head had been so filled with longing for glory and about how to prove himself yesterday. Now all he could think about were the events that followed. He never wanted to tell Renly what happened the first night they arrived because he knew how he would react. It pained Loras every time he heard Renly apologise for it. Eventually Loras fell asleep at the window.

Renly stared at the jug across the room. He glared at it. It was tempting him. He turned away from the jug in the hope that might make it disappear. He couldn't believe he'd kissed Loras. He couldn't wrap his mind around what he thought about it. On the one hand, he knew it was probable that he'd do something like that while drunk, since he knew he couldn't lie to himself any longer about his feelings for him. But either way, he felt indescribably guilty for acting upon it. He knew Loras wouldn't feel the same way. He'd probably been crying because he'd recalled how awful the experience was for him. But one thing was playing on his mind about it. He found it curious how adamantly Loras had told him not to apologise. Renly had interpreted this to mean that he didn't even want to be reminded of the event by way of apology, but it dawned on him now that perhaps that wasn't it. Loras' reaction wasn't exactly pleased when Renly told him they should forget about it. To add to it all, Renly felt guilty about how Loras had left the room. He knew somehow it was his fault. He'd upset him and just let him go.

He sighed and paced the length of the room for a while before making his decision. He opened the door quietly shut it behind him. He gently knocked on Loras' door. No answer. He was probably asleep, Renly told himself. He pushed the door open silently and peered inside. Loras was asleep by the window, curled up against the wall. Renly couldn't let him sleep like that, he'd be aching all over before the tourney even resumed. He crept over to him and carefully lifted him out of the window. Loras was heavier than Renly had expected for such a small frame. He reminded himself of all the training the boy had done and realised Loras must have gained a considerable amount of muscle from it. He placed him on his bed before he had time to dwell on the thought. He pulled the covers over his squire and made to leave again.

'Renly…' Loras was clearly still asleep but on some level he must have registered what was happening. Renly stopped in his tracks and turned back around. Loras looked so angelic when he slept. Renly knew he shouldn't linger, he knew he couldn't trust himself anymore… but Loras just looked so adorable. He'd never voice it to him, Loras would more likely hit him than appreciate the compliment, but it didn't change the facts. Loras muttered his name again, sending shocks through Renly's chest. He couldn't just watch him. He cursed himself for it but lay down next to him all the same.

Loras must have been more awake than Renly thought, because he curled up next to him, his hair tickling Renly's neck. Renly tried to think of other things but something else came to mind.

'You're not asleep, are you?'

He heard Loras laugh in response, which made him smile until he felt Loras' breath on his neck. He had to really try to find a distraction from that.

'That's not funny.' Renly hissed at him, but still found himself wanting to laugh. Loras moved away from him and just smirked back.

'I thought it was funny.' He answered smugly. Renly rolled his eyes and looked away from him, partly out of embarrassment. 'Oh, I wasn't… I didn't mean to…' Loras' smirk left him as he realised he'd embarrassed his friend. 'I wasn't trying to mock you, or…'

'I know.' Renly told him calmly. Loras nodded and sighed, before placing his head on Renly's chest. Renly regretted his decision to tell the truth, he should have lied. Maybe Loras wouldn't have done that if he'd told him he was deeply offended by the joke. It began playing through Renly's head that Loras shouldn't be acting like this. Renly had kissed him, surely Loras knew that must have been something he wanted to do… so why was he still getting so close?

Renly glanced back down at Loras, about to raise the question, when he realised Loras was actually asleep now.

'Marvellous.' He muttered to himself. '_Now_ you fall asleep.'


	15. Chapter 15

Loras woke up early the next morning as the sun filtered through the window. He squinted as he stared at the room around him. Then he remembered the tourney finals. He got up out of bed, unable to stop himself grinning. Seeing Renly still asleep in his bed only increased the smile. Loras was only glad he never got the chance to ask him about why he'd started crying – for which Loras was still angry with himself for doing. He quickly got dressed, scribbled a note saying where he was going and headed down the stairs towards the tourney grounds. There were kitchen girls dashing around with food outside, knights leering over them as they went about their business. Loras took a bread roll off a passing platter and made his way to Renly's tent. It didn't really matter that Renly wasn't competing anymore, squires didn't merit their own tent anyway. He'd only just got into the tent and begun to polish his armour when he was interrupted.

'Tyrell, isn't it?' The voice said. Loras turned around to find Lord Baelish smirking at him from the entrance to his tent. Loras swallowed the piece of bread he was chewing almost too quickly and he had to stop himself choking. There was something very haunting about the master of coin.

'It is, my lord.' Loras said eventually. Baelish nodded and permitted himself entry to the tent, glancing around it as he did so. Loras felt like he was silently judging Renly by what was in his tent. He probably was.

'You did well yesterday. I lost a considerable amount of money to your squire master.' He told Loras as he paced languidly around.

'Thank you, my lord.' Loras replied quietly, very wary of why he was being visited. Originally he'd presumed Lord Baelish was looking for Renly but now it seemed he'd found who he was looking for, and after Renly's visit from Lord Varys the night previously, Loras was very suspicious.

'Lord Renly looks after you _very_ well, I see.' Lord Baelish continued as he finally stopped pacing and stood to address Loras. He had that sparkle in his eyes that said he knew something he shouldn't.

'This is his tent, my lord.' Loras informed him. 'And, yes, he does look after me well, I suppose, my lord.'

Baelish nodded slowly and his smirk deepened. 'You do seem very close. I don't know many lords who would bet on their squires in their first tourney. In fact, I don't think I know _any_, save for Lord Renly.' Loras didn't know what to say to that, so he simply remained silent. 'Tell me, are you good friends with Lord Renly?'

'I…' Loras tried to think of what the appropriate thing to say was, but his mind failed him. 'I would consider him a friend, my lord.'

'I'm sure you would.' Baelish answered cryptically. 'Renly's never been very good at making… _friends_, it's nice to see him with one.'

'Oh… well… very good, my lord.' Loras stammered. He hated himself for being so nervous around someone so important. He couldn't help remembering Renly's words, warning that it was only dangerous to keep a secret when Lord Varys and Littlefinger knew about it.

'Pray tell, where is Lord Renly this morning? I called on his chambers but there was no answer. I presumed he had already come to the grounds, but no such luck.' Loras misliked the way Littlefinger was looking at him, that twinkle in his eye seemed much more prominent, like his eyes knew when he was close to a secret. Loras almost knew for certain that Lord Baelish was only asking him because he knew perfectly well where Renly was.

'I don't know, my lord.' Loras tried to keep a straight face but he feared he was failing. Baelish smirked again.

'You don't know? You mean you didn't go to your lord this morning – as is part of your duties as a squire?' Lord Baelish knew he had Loras cornered now. Loras blinked a few times before trying his best to lie properly. Lie like Amber, he told himself, you need to learn to lie.

'Of course, I did, my lord.' Loras replied confidently. 'Only, he told me he had something to do and dismissed me to get ready for the tourney, my lord.' He raised an eyebrow when he saw the befuddled look on Littlefinger's face. Loras resisted the urge to offer a smirk of his own.

'Good.' Baelish said shortly. 'Well, if you see him, do tell him I'm looking for him.' And with that he made for the exit of the tent. He briefly turned back. 'And good luck.' Then he was gone. Loras finally let go of the breath he hadn't realised he was holding. He composed himself and went back to polishing his armour.

The tent entrance rustled again as Renly put in an appearance. Loras couldn't stop his smile brightening when he saw him.

'I think you've polished that quite enough, don't you?' Renly told him with a grin as he came to stand behind him and observed the armour. 'You'll blind the crowd if there's any more shine on that.'

'Maybe I'll blind Ser Jaime.' Loras answered coolly, only earning a laugh from Renly.

'Maybe.' He agreed, still smiling. 'Anyway, as much as I'd like to stay longer, Robert's invited me to sit with his children to watch today.'

'I'm sure you'll enjoy that very much.' Loras flashed a smirk at him. Renly only shook his head and chuckled to himself.

'Yes, of course, we all know how much Joffrey adores my company.' He said. 'But, you don't deny an offer from the king.' He'd meant it as a passing comment but it resonated with both boys. You don't refuse an offer from the king. Renly couldn't refuse Robert's offer to join the small council. Renly cleared his throat awkwardly after realising what he'd said.

'Anyway,' he continued. 'Amber's in the stands somewhere, I'm sure.' Loras wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. He'd spoken to Amber at the dance after she'd slapped Renly, but the last words he'd said to her were 'I don't care'. He doubted she looked kindly on that.

'Lord Baelish was looking for you.' Loras told him before he forgot about it – not that he was likely to ever forget that encounter with Littlefinger.

'He was?' Renly asked, his voice suddenly a little quieter. 'Perfect. As if this day couldn't get any worse.'

'It started well.' Loras told him with a smirk. Renly watched him for a moment before he couldn't help but smile back. True enough, it _had_ started well. Renly had gone to sleep next to Loras, his head of curls on his chest, and woken up to a note from him. In Renly's books that was one of the better kinds of starts he could have to a day. He was still angry with himself for caving in like that when he saw Loras sleeping, but he couldn't tell himself it was the wrong thing to do. It had definitely put a smile on his face.

He left Loras in the tent and went off to the pavilion for the royal family. He braced himself and fixed his trademark smirk on his face. This was how the public knew him. It wasn't too far from the truth, he was normally like everyone thought he was, but he needed something more to hide behind with Robert's children. Or Cersei's children as Renly normally thought of them, they were so much like her and so little like Robert. Especially Joffrey.

He climbed the steps up to the seats for the royal family and was instantly greeted by the faces of his niece and nephews. Myrcella looked adorable, as usual, as she smiled sweetly at her uncle. Renly grinned back at her and she giggled. Tommen always seemed to keep a smile on his face, unlike his older brother. Joffrey offered Renly a sneer rather than a smile.

'Uncle.' Joffrey said stiffly.

'Nephew.' Renly replied similarly.

'You should address me as _Prince Joffrey_.' Joffrey told him defiantly, with that awful air of cockiness in his voice.

'In that case, you should address me as _Lord Renly_.' He answered flatly as he walked past his nephew to find the king. He heard Myrcella giggle again and Joffrey hissed at her to be quiet. Renly couldn't help but smile at that. He'd learned to make quite a sport out of belittling his nephew's attempts to embarrass him.

'Renly!' Robert stood up and embraced him in another rib-bruising hug. He released him and offered him the seat next to him. Renly sat down and glanced around – no sign of the queen.

'Will the queen not be joining us?' Renly asked quietly, just in case she was lurking in the shadows. He knew better than that, though, Lannisters did not lurk in shadows.

Robert laughed loudly and shook his head, the wine in his hand slopping dangerously in the cup. 'No, no. She disagreed with me bringing the children along, so this is her protest. You won't hear me complaining!' Robert grinned at his brother. Renly smiled back awkwardly as he threw another glance at Joffrey. He wasn't sure if maybe Cersei was right about Robert bringing the children – inspiring a bloodlust in Joffrey did not seem advisable. He also couldn't help but think Tommen may be a little to innocent to see this kind of thing, it might upset him. Myrcella smiled at him when she saw him looking, Renly smiled back at her before turning around again.

'Your squire's a good one, isn't he?' Robert continued, taking a deep swig from his cup. 'Make a fine knight, that one.'

'Yes, he would.' Renly agreed, his voice suddenly quiet. Robert didn't notice, however.

'I'd be happy to knight him when you choose to do it.' He continued. 'He deserves it, does that boy. I'd predict great things for that one.'

'Yes.' Renly said flatly. It still made him uneasy discussing that kind of thing because he knew how much it would hurt having to watch Loras leave after he'd become such a prominent part of his life.

The tourney finals began with Balon Swann and Barristan Selmy. Renly watched them with very little interest. He glanced across the stands and saw Amber chatting pleasantly with none other than Petyr Baelish. Renly couldn't help but narrow his eyes at her. What in the seven hells was she doing? She was laughing and smiling at him like they'd be friends for years. _What if they have_? Renly refused to believe Amber would tell someone like Lord Baelish his secret, but seeing her talk like that was worrying. Renly told himself she was just a convincing liar. She's a _Lannister_, it's in their blood, he insisted. He turned his attention back to the tourney as Barristan Selmy claimed the win. Renly could feel his stomach churning as he realised Loras would be up next – against the Kingslayer.

'I hope your boy wins this one.' Robert told him. Renly heard Joffrey scoff at that but made no comment. 'I'd like to see the Kingslayer knocked down a peg!' Robert laughed as he called his squire to refill his glass. Renly recognised him as a Lannister instantly. The squire met his gaze for a fleeting moment before he shuffled away. There was nothing but contempt in his eyes. Renly couldn't help but feel a little worried for Robert, he'd taken on Lannisters as squires and filled his court with them on Cersei's demand… but they all seemed to despise him.

Loras was armoured up at the other end of the field. He had no one to help him get onto his horse but it didn't look like he needed it. Ser Jaime on the other hand was spitting insults at his squire as he tried to help him onto his horse. The dark haired squire could only stare as Jaime called him every name under the Seven.

The match begun at a stalemate. Loras was good at dodging Jaime's swings, which only seemed to rally the crowd. They'd really taken a liking to Loras.

'Have you heard what they're calling him?' Robert asked over the noise of the field. Renly shook his head, unwilling to take his eyes off Loras. 'They've called him The Knight of Flowers!' Robert seemed to find it funny, but there was fondness in his laughter. 'He's not even a knight, yet! You'll have to knight him soon, brother, else you'll have the people to answer to!' Renly knew Robert meant it as a joke but it still put fear in Renly's heart.

Loras took his chance to take a shot at Ser Jaime. It nearly unhorsed him right there, but he hung on. Renly could almost see Loras glare at him through his helm. He missed the next tilt and dodged the shot made by the Kingslayer. It was the next one that decided it. Jaime feinted into it before delivering a strong slam into Loras' ribs with his lance, it sent the boy straight to the floor. Renly wanted to shout out but had to remind himself it wasn't proper. Loras picked himself up off the floor and begrudgingly shook Jaime Lannister's hand. Jaime smirked as Loras walked away from him. Renly wanted nothing more than to go and make sure Loras was unhurt, but he knew Robert would find it strange if he left now. He resigned himself to watching the last tilt and hoped they'd be quick about it.

In his captivation watching Loras' match, Renly hadn't noticed his niece silently appear at his side. She leaned against the edge of his chair, her blonde curls swimming around her. She smiled at him when he eventually noticed her.

'He'll be alright, uncle.' She said kindly. Renly could only watch her. She wasn't questioning, like she worried about Loras, she said it reassuringly because she knew Renly was. Children were too clever, Renly thought. He picked up his niece and let her sit on his lap, which seemed to please her.

'Your squire's very good, isn't he?' Myrcella said as the final round started. She looked back up at him with her big green eyes. 'Will you knight him soon?'

'I think I'll have to, don't you?' Renly answered her, trying his best to smile.

'I should like to see that, uncle.' Myrcella told him. 'Will he be a famous knight?'

'I imagine so.' Renly sighed. Myrcella was probably right, Loras had the making to put his name in the history books. Renly didn't doubt he was arrogant enough for it.

'I asked my mother if I could come and stay with you soon, uncle.' Myrcella continued. Renly already knew where there was going. There was no chance in the seven hells that Cersei would allow her only daughter out of her sight for that long, to stay with a brother of Robert's, too. She'd hate that. 'She said I couldn't.' Myrcella concluded glumly. 'But I really wanted to.'

'Maybe when you're older.' Renly answered, trying to sound positive for the child, even though he knew even then it was unlikely.

'I hope so.' She sighed, leaning back onto his chest. He pulled her a little closer. He wouldn't mind if Myrcella wanted to come and stay with him for a while, she was a lovely child… and so unlike her mother. She was certainly nothing like Joffrey. For a start, Myrcella was completely besotted with Renly, whereas Renly didn't doubt that Joffrey would put his head on a spike if he could.

They watched as Barristan Selmy claimed the title, putting a grin on Robert's face purely because Jaime didn't win. Renly gently placed Myrcella back on the floor and got up, ready to go and find his squire.

'Are you going to find your squire?' Myrcella asked him sweetly. Renly swallowed and glanced around. Joffrey's beady green eyes were intently watching him. Renly raised his eyebrows at him and Joffrey quickly turned away.

'Yes.' He answered once he was sure it was safe.

'Please may I come with you, uncle?' Myrcella requested. Renly glanced down at her as her sweet smile appeared again. 'I'd love to meet him.' Renly could only smirk to himself. He was right, everyone was completely taken with Loras.

'Alright.' He decided. What was the harm? Myrcella linked her tiny hand through his. Renly led her to her father so he could explain where he was taking her. Robert seemed elated at the thought.

'Good!' He told him, beaming down at his daughter. 'It's just a shame the others aren't as interested! She knows what she's doing, that girl.' Robert said, glancing back at his sons. Joffrey was currently slapping Tommen with a stick. Tommen began to cry. 'Gods be good, why can't _they_ be interested in tourneys? I'll regret the day I yield my throne to one of them.' Robert groaned. He said his goodbyes before ushering his sons back towards the litter that would take them back to the castle.

Renly led Myrcella towards his tent, where he presumed he'd find his squire. He just hoped Loras was too angry with himself, or Jaime, for that matter. He didn't want to disappoint his niece. She was smiling the whole time while he walked her to the tent.

He opened the entrance for her before letting it fall back after himself. Loras was sitting on the floor with the fabric entrance open at the other side, watching the empty tourney field. The wind was gently sweeping through his curls.

'Loras?' Renly said quietly. Loras turned around, the signs of a frown on his face. He noticed Myrcella and Renly could only be thankful that he plastered a smile on his face. He did the proper thing and knelt in front of her before he kissed her hand. That only brightened Myrcella's smile.

'Myrcella wanted to meet you.' Renly told him. Loras just nodded and smiled back at her.

'And what an honour it is, princess.' Loras told her. Renly was highly impressed at how Loras could suddenly adapt from his usual insolent self to the height of formality.

'You fought well today.' Myrcella said. 'Although I think my uncle was worried when you fell.' Loras raised one eyebrow at Renly before he turned his attention back to the princess. Renly felt himself blush. Children were not only too clever, they were too honest.

'He had no reason to worry,' Loras assured her. 'I'm not hurt too badly.'

'Are you hurt at all?' Myrcella asked, a hint of distress in her voice, though the way she said made Renly think it was only for his sake. In a way he thought it was heart-warming how caring Myrcella was on his behalf, but he also knew that she didn't understand what she was doing. If she accidently told the wrong person they could infer all sorts of things from it.

'Only a few bruises, princess.' Loras told her with a confident smirk. 'Nothing I can't handle.'

Myrcella seemed pleased with the visit as Renly walked her back to the Keep. She chatted animatedly the whole journey, which Renly was only too happy to listen to. She had nothing but kind words to say about his squire. The smile slipped from his face when he saw who was waiting for them. Cersei and two guards were standing in the archway into the courtyard. Renly sighed. He should have anticipated this. There was a fire in the queen's eyes that he was not excited to see.

'First my husband let's them watch the tourney against my wishes, and then he lets _you_ wander off with my daughter!' She snatched Myrcella's hand and pulled her away. Renly let her do it, knowing there was really nothing he could say to ease her anger. She turned to one of the guards. 'See Myrcella safely to her chambers.' She then turned back to Renly, her golden hair flying around her, as her daughter was escorted away.

'I don't know how much clearer I can make this, Lord Renly,' Cersei hissed at him. He resisted the urge to take a step backwards. 'I want you to stay away from my family.'

He couldn't help but offer a smirk back to her. '_Your_ family? I'd thought since you and my brother joined our houses it was _our_ family.'

Cersei's eyes narrowed as her sneer intensified. 'I don't know why in the seven hells Robert wants you on the council, your insolence has no place here.'

'And yet I've heard Lord Baelish has quite the sharp tongue.'

'_Do you have an answer for everything_?' She all but shrieked. Renly cast a glance at the walkways over the courtyard, servants had stopped to watch but hurriedly went back to work when they saw him look up.

'Just about, Your Grace.' Renly answered her bringing his eyes back to lock with hers.

'I'd slap you if I didn't think you'd run off and cry to Robert.' She told him in a curiously calm voice. It scared Renly how quickly she could cool her anger. It was definitely more frightening when she was calm. She turned on her heels and stormed out of the courtyard through another door.


	16. Chapter 16

Renly had barely shut the door once he returned to his chambers when it flew open again. He spun around and saw his squire leaning against the door frame, breathing heavily.

'What happened?' Renly gasped, ushering him into the room and kicking the door shut. He led Loras to his bed where he all but collapsed.

'I lied.' Loras groaned, his whole body tensing up as he lay back on the pillows.

'About what?'

'When I told the princess I wasn't hurt.' He groaned again and curled up into a ball. 'I told her I could handle it.'

'It's evident that you can't.' Renly sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He ran his hand through Loras' hair gently. He hated seeing him in pain like this, but he'd seen that hit from Jaime, he knew Loras had to be at least a little bit hurt.

'Do you want me to fetch a maester?' Renly asked him, knowing the answer even before he'd spoken. Loras shook his head.

'It's just a bruise.'

'It seems like a bit more than a bruise.' Renly said disbelievingly. Loras managed to scowl at him even through the pain. He hadn't mentioned anything about Renly stroking his hair, so he presumed that was alright. 'Show me.' Renly told him. Loras was clearly reluctant to do it, which troubled Renly. Maybe the reason he didn't want to show him was because he was uncomfortable showing any part of his body to him. Renly couldn't help but feel a little saddened by that. He'd managed to ruin a perfectly good friendship with his feelings. But Loras did show him. He rolled onto his back and slowly lifted up his tunic, showing his ribs. Renly could barely hold back a gasp as he saw a bruise the almost the size of a melon across Loras' right side.

'Jaime did that much damage?' Renly asked him, his voice barely more than a whisper. Loras only groaned in response. 'I really should send for a maester…'

'Don't.' Loras hissed at him. He covered himself up again, biting his lip to stop himself making any noise about it.

'Why not?' Renly persisted. 'You're clearly in pain, I only want to help.' But Loras didn't seem to understand that.

'If I'm going to be a knight, I'll have endure worse than bruises.' Loras told him defiantly. The look in his eyes told Renly that Loras genuinely believed that.

'Don't say that.' Renly sighed, leaning back against the headboard to look down at his squire. 'You make it sound like you're preparing to endure death.'

'Knights die, Renly.'

'Not all of them.'

'The best of them.'

He could only stare at Loras for saying it. Was he honestly trying to say that in order to be a respected knight he'd have to sacrifice his own life? Somewhere in Renly's chest felt a sharp pain. 'Loras, really, the _best_ knights are the ones who defy death, the ones who don't let it conquer them.'

'Fine.' Loras answered flatly. 'Either way, I don't want a maester.'

'You know it's alright, don't you? Knights don't have to suffer through injuries like that, they can ask for help.' Renly reminded him. Loras only glared back and shook his head. Clearly Loras did not believe that knights required help.

Loras hadn't been in too much pain when he'd returned to Renly's tent after the tourney, the most pain he was feeling was to his pride. He couldn't get the smug look on the Kingslayer's face out of his head. It was sickening. It hadn't been a real lie he'd told the princess, at the time he could handle the pain. It had only caught up with him while he was sparring with a couple of other squires in the yard. The king's squire, Lancel, had been having a jest with him and pushed him onto the floor, which had been funny until that horrible spreading pain found Loras' ribs. Lancel had helped him off the floor and done the same thing Renly had: offered to fetch a maester. Loras was trying to look brave in front of the other squires, but even once he'd left them he still didn't want a maester. The only reason he'd gone to Renly was because he wanted comforting, not healing. He just wanted to lie there next to him and stay there for a while.

'If you won't let me get a maester, can I at least get you some dream wine? Maybe some sleep would do you good?' Renly tried again. Loras just wanted to swat him away. He wanted his company but he also wanted him to be quiet.

'I don't want to sleep.' Loras told him. When he actually looked up at Renly, he almost wanted to give in to his offer. The amount of worry he could see his lord's face made him want to agree to anything just to make him believe everything was going to be okay. But he didn't do anything of the sort. 'All I want to do is lie down for a while.' Loras told him honestly.

'You can lie down as long as you want to.' Renly said, a faint smile finally gracing his lips. 'Are you going to come to dinner?'

'I'm not hungry.' Loras replied. It was true, he wasn't hungry at all. He actually felt rather nauseous even thinking about food.

'I'll have something sent up for you.' Renly said, undeterred by Loras' answer. Loras rolled his eyes but didn't argue the topic, he knew there was no point. Loras moved a little closer so he could rest his head against Renly's hip as he sat against the headboard.

'Can I ask you something?' Renly started quietly. Loras instantly knew where this was going. Whenever one of them asked that before the real question they knew it was going to be an awkward conversation.

'Yes.' Loras mumbled without looking up. Renly cleared his throat as if trying to find something to put off asking the question.

'Well, it's just… after I did what I did, while I was drunk… it's just, you're still… I mean to say, you keep…'

'Say it.' Loras sighed. He knew where this was going, it was a wonder he hadn't anticipated this sooner.

'You keep leaning on me and touching me and… and when you pretended to be asleep last night and you fell asleep on my chest…' Normally how flustered Renly was would make Loras smile, but this time it didn't. Loras wanted to just sit up, no matter how painful, and tell Renly the truth. To tell him he was doing all those things because he wanted him to kiss him again – without fainting this time. But he couldn't, because he knew what Renly's reaction would be. He'd tell him he was sorry, that Loras had no obligation to try and reciprocate his feelings, that he didn't understand what he was doing. Then he'd say he was sorry again, not realising that saying that hurt more than everything else combined. Saying sorry means you won't do it again, Loras had been told that constantly while he was growing up in Highgarden.

'It's because it doesn't bother me.' Loras told him bluntly. 'The fact that you kissed me doesn't make me want to change how I act towards you.' It was the truth, he'd just skipped over the bit he felt was most important.

'It doesn't?' Renly repeated, shock evident in his voice. 'But why?'

Loras sighed and hauled himself up to look back into those brilliant green eyes. It was so painful to sit up but it was worth it. Now was when he had no choice but to tell the honest truth or deploy some lies.

'You were drunk, you didn't know what you were doing. I can hardly hold that against you.' Loras said, trying not to let the sadness creep into his tone. Renly wasn't ready to hear the truth, he decided.

'Well… thank you.' Renly answered slowly. Loras swallowed and tried to keep a believable expression, although by the way Renly was studying him he didn't think he was doing a good job. 'But what was wrong last night? You were crying…'

'Please don't ask me about that.' Loras shot back, emotion sweeping its way into his voice. Renly seemed taken aback to hear it.

'It's clearly important…' He started. 'I thought we didn't keep secrets.'

_ The Others take you_, Loras thought. Why did he have to be so good with words? He was right, they didn't keep secrets, Loras had told him the exact same thing when he wanted to know Renly's secret.

'We don't keep secrets.' Loras sighed. 'But I don't feel like I can tell you yet. I… I'm not ready to. I'll tell you eventually.'

'You're not ready to?' Renly repeated in disbelief. 'Whatever this is, Loras, I can _help_. It can't be worse than what I trusted you with.' Loras stared back at him for a moment. He was right, it wasn't worse, it was exactly the same.

'I'd say it's about parallel with that.' Loras told him, surprised at the shallowness of his own voice as he said it. 'But I will tell you at some point. When I'm ready to.'

'Do you promise?'

'I promise.'

Renly broke a smile at that, which Loras couldn't help grinning back at. He was still in so much pain but seeing Renly smile at him like that definitely helped.

Loras didn't go to dinner that night. Renly had helped him back to his own chambers and Loras had barely moved since being deposited onto his own bed. He stared out of the window for hours before it went dark and all he could see were the stars. Renly had still not returned. Loras got the foreboding feeling that the king may have incited another round of drinking for his younger brother. Loras made a mental note to pretend to be asleep if Renly came in afterwards. As much as he hoped he would kiss him again, he didn't like the idea of having to tell him about it again. That was one of most difficult things he'd ever done.

A knock came at the door, frightening Loras half to death as he'd completely tuned out watching the stars. He groaned as he hauled himself off the bed and made it to the door. He expected it to be Renly, even though he wouldn't bother knocking, but it was not. It was the last person he expected to see. Outside his door stood Jaime Lannister, complete with a pristinely white cloak. By his side was a bedraggled looking Lady Amber. Loras just blinked at them, he had no idea what he was meant to say.

'I apologise for the hour of this call.' Jaime said stiffly. His eyes looked Loras up and down and a smirk found it's way to Jaime's lips as he realised Loras was hurt. Loras just scowled at him. 'What you're going to do is let Amber in here and you're going to look after her tonight. Then you're going to forget who brought her here. Understood?'

Loras gaped at him. How was he allowed to just appear in the middle of night and order him around? 'Why can't she stay with you?'

Jaime rolled his eyes and sighed in annoyance. 'I'm a knight of the Kingsguard, I can hardly take her back to the tower, can I?'

'No.' Loras mumbled. He'd known that and still asked his question. He felt even more stupid now. He glanced at Amber but she was just staring at the floor. 'What happened?' He asked, not entirely sure who he was addressing the question to.

'I'm sure Amber will explain.' Jaime said, his voice softening slightly. He gently lifted Amber's chin up and ran his hand through her hair. 'Amber?'

'Yes, I'll explain.' She said quietly. Her golden eyes found Loras and he couldn't help being taken aback. He'd only ever seen Amber cry once, but this looked far worse. Her eyes were bloodshot and watering, like she'd had some kind of fit.

'Okay.' Loras sighed. 'Come in, Amber.' She glanced up at Jaime. He pulled her into a hug before giving her a gently nudge into Loras' room. She sat down on his bed, leaning her head against the bedpost. Loras looked back at Jaime.

'This never happened.' Jaime told him forcefully. 'The last time you saw me was on that tourney field. Understand?'

'Yes, ser.' Loras said.

Jaime made to leave but turned quickly back. 'How badly did I hurt you?' He asked him, a strange glint in his eyes. Loras felt like however much he'd hurt him would not be enough. Loras sighed and lifted his shirt up to show Jaime the bruise.

'Sorry about that.' Jaime said, though he didn't sound awfully sorry. Loras presumed getting the apology in the first place was probably a triumph coming from Jaime Lannister. 'Look after my cousin.' And with that he took his leave. Loras watched him go before he shut the door and turned back to Amber. She hadn't moved a muscle since she sat down on his bed. She looked… broken. He carefully sat down next to her. She was wearing her nightclothes, wrapped up in a silk gown tied tightly at the front. Loras glanced down and saw a cloth wrapped around her arm, the kind of cloth maesters gave for wounds.

'Amber,' he started softly. 'what happened?'

Her eyes darted up from the floor and for a moment she didn't look as if she knew where she was. She remembered when she saw Loras looking back at her. 'There was a raven from Lord Tywin.' She whispered, her voice threatening to crack again. 'He's… he's arranged my marriage to someone else.' She shut her eyes as one solitary tear escaped.

'Who to?'

Amber's eye flickered open and glared at the floor. '_A Florent_.' She hissed. Loras could sympathise with that. Growing up he'd been in contact with many Florents and did not find them at all agreeable.

'At least you could be near Highgarden…' Loras tried to give her a silver lining but she shook her head as more tears fell from her eyes, cascading down her cheeks.

'Not in the Reach.' She breathed, wildfire burning in her eyes. 'Dragonstone. One of _Stannis'_ Florents, some cousin of Lady Selyse.' She brought her eyes back up to meet with Loras'. 'Dragonstone.' She repeated, nothing but hatred in her voice. 'I wanted to marry Renly and they send me to _Dragonstone_! They could have married me to another Estermont so I could at least stay in Storm's End, but _no_! It had to be a Florent on bloody Dragonstone!' Her voice had raised so much she was close to screaming now. Loras wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to do with her.

'Even Florents in the Reach wouldn't be too saddening,' she continued. 'at least then I could have gone up to see Highgarden – at least the Reach is _pretty_! What is there for me on Dragonstone? Nothing but stone carvings and Florents!' The way she spat out the name Florent sent a shiver down Loras' spine. He really felt for her, but realistically there was nothing he could do.

'Maybe you could try and reason with him… I have a brother still unmarried – he's the heir to Highgarden…' He didn't think Amber would be too interested in marrying Willas but it had to be better than going to Dragonstone. Garlan, on the other hand, had already wasted no time in informing Loras that he was betrothed to a Fossoway girl he was completely besotted with.

'My uncle won't listen.' Amber sighed, dragging her hand through her hair in frustration. 'Apparently Stannis has been demanding a few things on the council and marrying me off to his wife's cousin is a peace offering. I'm an _offering_.' She hissed. She didn't speak again for a while, so Loras just drew his arm around her. She leant back onto him and they just sat there together, Amber gently sobbing onto his shoulder. From that angle he could see that the bandage on her wrist went all the way up her forearm. He could help but wonder what had happened and who'd done that to her. Maybe she wasn't so quick to her knife this time if she was accosted by another drunk knight.

'Amber, what happened to your arm?' He said eventually, after plucking up the courage to ask. She tensed in his embrace.

'Please don't ask me about that, Loras.'

'Okay.' He replied meekly. 'Are you… do you want to stay here tonight or should I take you back to your rooms later, or… to the Queen?' He wasn't trying to get rid of her, it was just that he hadn't realised how much hugging Amber would hurt his bruise. If he could just try and get some sleep, lie down for a while.

'Can I stay here, Loras?' She questioned, her voice quiet again.

'Of course you can.'

She looked up at him, the amber in her eyes softening. 'No, I mean it's not going to cause problems if I do, is it? I mean to say…' she glanced towards the door. 'Renly's not going to mind?'

'Why would he mind?' Loras asked cautiously. Amber was onto a dangerous secret there. She knew they'd sometimes shared a bed back at Storm's End, but that had only been a few times, nowhere near a majority. Why did she think it would be common to happen in King's Landing? Yet Loras knew it _was_ common to happen here. It had happened the night previously.

Amber didn't give him a verbal reply, only gave him a look that told him she knew.

'Amber, it isn't like that.' Loras told her.

'But you want it to be like that.' She said in a whisper.

'I…' Loras tried to deny it but his tongue wouldn't let him. He had to tell _someone_. 'Yes. I'm not going to tell you otherwise but Renly doesn't want that, he keeps… apologising.'

'Have you told him you feel like this?'

'No.'

'He did something when he was drunk, didn't he?' Amber asked, though her voice said she already knew the answer. 'I thought something had happened when I saw him.'

'He kissed me.' Loras told her, surprised she could actually hear him since his voice had become so quiet. 'He didn't remember and I had to tell him…' He could feel his throat closing up and he inwardly yelled at himself not to cry in front of Amber. 'He kept telling me he was sorry and that he shouldn't have done it…'

'But all you want is for him to do it again.' Amber summarised. Loras just nodded. He couldn't speak now, his eyes were so close to releasing tears. She smiled fondly at him as she pulled back to run her fingers over his cheek. It took him that long to realise he had not been successful in holding back tears. 'I should marry you, Loras, that way neither of us can have what we want.' He couldn't help but offer his own weak smile back at her. It was only then he remembered that perhaps Amber wasn't the best person to trust with his feelings. He couldn't take back what he'd said but he had to try and at least justify it.

'Amber,' he started slowly. 'I don't want to offend you, but… _did_ you tell Jaime about Renly?'

She raised one eyebrow at him and he instantly knew he shouldn't have asked. He was asking for a slap like she gave Renly for the same question.

'No, I didn't.' She told him confidently. 'But he's hardly good at keeping it to himself.'

'Excuse me?'

Amber sighed at his naivety, which aggravated Loras no end. 'Loras, Storm's End and King's Landing are very different places-'

'So I keep being told.'

'Would you listen to me?' Amber gave him a gentle slap on the arm. It didn't hurt but he glared at her anyway. 'Renly likes to think he's being discreet, and he was when he was younger, but when you're nearly seventeen and unmarried – especially being the comely younger brother of the king – people do start to suspect things.'

Loras knew he should have seen that earlier. Renly could have his pick of women to marry him. Granted, his marriage would probably be one made of political alliance but even getting to seventeen was suspicious for that. It didn't seem like the king was going to much effort to marry him off, he was a third son after all, but it still must have looked strange.

'I never thought of it like that.' Loras said stupidly. Amber gave him a pitying look.

'Of course you didn't.' She told him. 'Why would you? I'm sure watching him get married isn't high on your agenda.' He just shook his head. 'Come on, we should get some sleep. Cersei says everything looks better in the morning, except the king, so I suggest we heed her words.'

Loras agreed with her. Amber crawled into the other half of his bed and dropped her head onto the pillow. It took Loras considerably longer to get into bed while he tried not to move his ribs while doing it. Eventually he sighed as he could relax.

'You know you'll have to tell Renly eventually.' Amber told him in a whisper. He knew that all too well.

'He already knows there's something I'm not telling him. I told him I wasn't ready to say anything about it.'

'Aren't you?'

'Well…' He tried to think about it but it was all so confusing. There were too many variables, too many ways that situation could go. 'It's all quite strange to me, I didn't even realise I was… I was…'

'Like Renly?' Amber offered. Loras nodded with a sigh.

'I didn't realise until recently so it's still really… new, I suppose. I'm trying to understand it…'

'But you know if you tell him he'll help you. He's been through that. And it's always nice to have someone reciprocate your feelings.'

Loras couldn't say anything for a while after that. Just hearing Amber say it meant so much. She didn't have her feelings reciprocated by Renly, and Loras couldn't even begin to imagine how difficult it was for her to try and counsel him about this.

'You'll figure it out.' Amber told him as she turned onto her back and looked at the ceiling. 'We all will.' She cast another look back at him. 'But I expect you both at my wedding, despite what you have or haven't told him.' She flashed a quick smile before she turned over to put her back to him.


	17. Chapter 17

Loras woke up before dawn that morning. For a while he couldn't place why. He could feel Amber curled up against him, her arm draped over his chest. It was when he looked down and actually saw her arm that he realised why he'd woken up. Whatever had happened to Amber to have resulted in the bandage had started bleeding again and seeped through the bandage onto Loras' nightshirt. He could feel warm blood sticking to his skin through the fabric.

'Amber?' He whispered, turning over to look at her. She looked like she was still sleeping, but surely if the blood had woken him up, why hadn't it woken her up? Surely it was painful… '_Amber_?' He tried again, a little louder. Nothing. He gave her a gentle shake on the shoulder, then again with a little more force. 'Seven hells, Amber.' He muttered to himself. He scrambled out of the covers and tried to drag her upright but she was completely limp in his arms. He needed to go and get someone, he couldn't just leave her like this! He had to go but he couldn't leave her on her own… what if she bled to death because he wasn't there to stop the bleeding? He cast Amber another look before he darted through the door and kicked open the door to Renly's chambers without a second thought.

Predictably, Renly was still asleep, wrapped up in his blankets and burying his face in the pillows. Loras hated to wake him but he didn't even think twice about it. He shook him a little harder than he intended, Renly jumped and sat bolt upright.

'What?' He gasped, staring around the dark room for a second before he noticed his squire. 'What happened? Are you okay? There's blood on your shirt…'

'Yes, I'm fine.' Loras said quickly, grabbing his arm and all but dragging him out of bed. 'Amber's not.'

'Amber?' He questioned, still drowsy from sleep. 'Why is Amber here?'

'That doesn't matter, I'll explain later.' Loras pushed him into his room and he stopped talking the second he saw Amber.

'In the name of the Seven what happened to her?' Renly said in barely more than a whisper. He sat down next to her and delicately touched her cheek. He turned back to his squire, his eyes full of panic. 'Loras, she's cold. Why is she cold?'

'I don't know, I'm not a maester!' Loras hissed at him. 'Just press down on the blood, try and stop the bleeding – I'm going to fetch someone.' He watched to make sure Renly did what he told him before he bolted down the corridor and took the steps two at a time. He didn't stop running until he reached Grandmaester Pycelle's studying rooms. He was almost sure the maester wouldn't be there but hoped that _someone_ might be, one of the boys who trained under him. Anyone.

'Hello?' He called out, his voice echoing against the rows of bookshelves. 'Hello? This is important, is anyone here?'

A book fell onto a table somewhere in the room, almost making Loras jump, but not quite. He was in far too much of a hurry to bother with fear. A young man leaned around one of the bookshelves, his sandy hair falling over his eyes.

'Can I help you?' He called back to Loras.

'Lady Amber… she's not well, she needs help…'

'Lady Amber?' He repeated, his eyes widening a little. 'I saw the Grandmaester treating her last night.' He said quickly, grabbing a wooden case from under a table and jogging over to Loras. 'The stitches must have come undone.' He said as Loras led him out of the study and back towards his own chambers. He broke into a run again, which didn't seem to be the kind of pace the Grandmaester's assistant was used to.

'Come on!' Loras ushered him, stopping briefly to shout over his shoulder. 'She's the queen's cousin!'

'I know!' He panted as he tried to catch up. 'Forgive me if I'm not in the peak of physical condition, I work for a man who takes an hour to climb the stairs to his own rooms!'

Loras rolled his eyes at him before he grabbed his arm to pull him up another flight of stairs so he couldn't lag behind. After what seemed like far too long they reached Loras' room again, the door still open where he'd left it. Renly was holding Amber's wrist but she was still unconscious. Loras gently put his hand on Renly's shoulder to tell him he could stop now. He softly pulled him up and away from Amber as Pycelle's assistant took over. It took Loras this long to notice Renly was crying. He wordlessly slipped his hand through Renly's. Neither of them looked down or said anything about it.

The assistant peeled back the bandage over Amber's wrist, which was now caked in blood, but the blood pooling out of her wrist was far worse.

'What happened to her last night?' Loras ventured as the assistant started tying a cord in a knot at her elbow to stop the bleeding. He didn't look up to answer but Loras never expected him to.

'Pycelle didn't say, but it was obvious she'd cut herself.' He told him. 'That doesn't happen by accident.'

Loras felt Renly squeeze his hand on hearing that. Amber had done it deliberately. She'd tried to end her own life. Loras instantly felt guilty for not pressing her to tell him about the bandage last night. If he'd have known he'd have pretended to be asleep so he could watch her all night and make sure she was alright. But she never told him. He cursed himself for not having made the connection anyway.

'I should find Ser Jaime.' Loras said quietly.

'Why?' Renly asked him in a whisper. Loras glanced back at the assistant… Jaime told him not to tell anyone he'd brought Amber here. He decided it was best to do as Jaime said. Loras shook his head and led Renly out of the room.

'He brought her to me last night.' Loras whispered to him. 'He told me not to tell anyone but I think he'd want to know about this.'

'So might the queen, are you going to find her?'

'Don't be ridiculous.' Loras said heatedly. Renly only raised his eyebrows. Loras realised he was the one being ridiculous, going to find the man who'd threatened to break his ankle and administered a horrible bruise to his ribs… but Amber was his cousin, and he clearly cared for her.

'I'm sorry.' Renly said eventually. 'You're right. You should go and tell Jaime. I just… I don't know why she'd do this…' His voice cracked again as he bit his lip to keep from crying again. Loras only then realised he was still holding his hand. He cleared his throat and let go.

'She got the message that she was going to marry someone else, last night.' Loras informed him.

'Who?'

'A Florent.'

'That's not so-'

'On Dragonstone.'

'Oh.' Renly sighed, running his hands over his face. 'Yes, I imagine she wouldn't like that.'

'Wouldn't like that?' Loras repeated, trying his best to keep his voice under control. 'Renly, she's in love with you and they're sending her halfway across the country!'

'Do you think I _want_ to be away from her? Don't you think I'm blaming myself enough, already? If I'd have just married her like I was meant to then none of this would have happened! She wouldn't have… she wouldn't be…' He couldn't keep his voice going after that, he just dropped to the floor, his head in his hands. Loras glanced down the corridor to where a serving girl was watching with wide eyes. She turned on her heels the second she saw Loras watching her. He got to the floor as well, prying away Renly's hands.

'Look at me.' He told him forcefully. Renly blinked back a few more tears before he lifted his eyes to meet his squire's. 'This is _not_ your fault. Amber knew this would happen and she knew why you wouldn't marry her.' He lowered his voice even more to make sure no one else could hear. 'This is Tywin Lannister's fault. He could have married her to another Estermont, like her original marriage was supposed to be, but he chose not to. This is _his _fault.' Renly just stared back at him with those big green eyes. 'Do you understand?'

'Thank you.' Renly whispered back. Loras just shook his head, it was ridiculous that Renly would even think to thank him for that. It was the truth after all.

'And wipe your eyes before Varys or Littlefinger shows up and wonders why you're showing such care for the girl you didn't want to marry.' Loras whispered to him. That seemed to have an impact as Renly immediately wiped his eyes on his sleeve. 'Go back to your room.' Loras told him, helping him up off the floor. Renly glanced back through the doorway to where Amber was. 'I'll come to you once I've told Ser Jaime.' Loras assured him. Renly just nodded before he went back to his room and shut the door.

Loras had to really force himself to go and look for the Kingslayer, but he knew it was the right thing to do. He also knew where the Kingsguard's tower was, he'd seen it on the ride into King's Landing. It took him a while to navigate his way back out of the keep but he got there. He didn't exactly know what he was supposed to do now he'd got there, so he knocked on the door. Nothing. He knocked again a little louder.

The door swung open. Jaime raised one eyebrow when he saw who it was. Then he saw the blood on Loras' shirt.

'I'll get my cloak.' Jaime said quickly, before Loras could even tell him what had happened. Jaime reappeared within seconds, shutting the door behind him. 'Is she alright?'

'Not really, ser.' Loras said honestly. 'I woke up and there was just blood… Pycelle's assistant's with her.'

'Why weren't you watching her?' Jaime all but growled at him.

'Watching her?' Loras repeated. 'Because I was sleeping! I didn't realise what she'd done!'

'You didn't notice the bandage?' Jaime hissed, leading Loras into the stables and beginning to saddle a horse.

'I didn't realise what it was for! How I supposed to know she'd done that to herself?'

'What did you _think_ it was for?' Jaime's voice had raised considerably since their conversation began. 'She was clearly depressed when I brought her to you, why else would she have had to have her wrist wrapped up?' Jaime slapped him across the back of the head. Loras resisted the urge to moan about it or make some kind of remark.

'If she dies, Tyrell, this is on your head.' Jaime told him as he mounted the horse and sped off towards the keep. Loras could only watch him before he started the walk back.

He climbed the stairs only to find that there was now a considerable amount of people milling around his room. Jaime was in there, like Loras presumed he would be. He peered in and noticed that the queen was also there, though she had her back to him. Jaime's eyes flickered upwards and met with Loras'. He swallowed and looked away, opening the door to Renly's room and not glancing back.

Renly was sitting on his bed, just staring straight ahead. It was evident he'd been crying again. He looked up as he heard the door.

'Loras, can you put something else on, please?' Renly asked him quietly.

'Sorry?'

'Another shirt, can you put a different shirt on, please?' Renly repeated, his voice still deadly quiet.

'I don't have-'

'Take one of mine.' Renly interrupted him, waving towards the chest of drawers. 'I… I can't look at you while Amber's… while her blood is on your clothes.'

'Of course…' Loras sighed, he should have realised sooner. He opened the drawers and took out the first thing he found. It was a plain black tunic with the Baratheon sigil on the front at the shoulder. He took off his own bloodied shirt.

'Renly, what should I do with mine?' He asked him. The room was too quiet, there was no noise from outside, like the whole world was waiting with baited breath for Lady Amber's fate. Renly turned to look at him but his eyes welled up again when he saw him.

'Put it on the fire, they won't get the blood out.' He told him. His eyes were looking over his chest and for once Loras actually felt like he should cover up. It was only when he looked down at himself that he realised why Renly was staring. He wiped his eyes again.

'There's blood on your chest.' He whispered, his voice tight again. There was dried blood from where it had seeped through Loras' shirt.

'I'm sorry…' Loras started, but Renly just shook his head.

'Come here.' He told him. Loras did as he was told. Renly got up and took a cloth from beside the bowl of water at the window. He dipped it in the water and came back over to his squire. The cloth was cold against his chest but Loras didn't make a sound. He knew his mind should be still, he should be praying for Amber, but he couldn't ignore how it felt while Renly was pressing that cloth over his chest. Renly was wiping _blood_ of his chest, Loras reminded himself, it was macabre, he shouldn't be thinking of the things he was…

'Are you alright?' Renly asked him, stopping his hand as he looked back into Loras' eyes. He just nodded, not trusting himself to use his voice in case it gave away what was in his head. 'You look…' Renly didn't finish his sentence. He took away the cloth and dropped it into the bowl of water. He didn't turn back around.

'You can put the shirt on now, Loras.' Renly told him flatly. He was almost certain Renly knew what he was thinking about. It was all Loras could do to maintain control of his body, he couldn't stop his expressions betraying his feelings, as well.

'Renly, I don't understand why-'

'We're not talking about this.' Renly cut him off. He turned back around, his green eyes now cold. 'Not now.'

'But-'

'This isn't a joke!' Renly hissed at him, taking a few steps closer. Loras was very aware it was not a joke, but he kept himself quiet. 'The jest you played the other night was one thing, but you're taking it too far. It's not funny anymore!'

'I know.' Loras said, his voice barely audible compared to the raised voice Renly had used. 'I'm sorry if you thought that.'

Renly observed him for a moment before he sighed and just shook his head. 'Sorry.' He said. 'I apologise. It's my fault, of course you're going to act like this – how else were you going to act? I'm sorry. You have every right to be ashamed and embarrassed because of me, I shouldn't have touched you like that. I'm sorry.'

'Stop apologising.'

'First I kiss you when I'm drunk and now this. You can go if you want to. I don't want to keep you in here against your will.'

Loras understood it now. Renly didn't read his expression at all. He caught the embarrassment, the shame, but he misread it. Loras was embarrassed that he'd let himself think like that, not because Renly was touching him and he didn't like that. The way Renly told it made it sound like Loras didn't have the heart to tell him to stop or that he thought he couldn't because Renly was a lord.

'No, it's alright, really.' Loras told him.

'It isn't… I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry.'

Loras shook his head and took a step forward to place his hand on Renly's shoulder. Green eyes stared back at him.

'It's _fine_.' Loras told him. 'I'm just worried about Amber. You didn't do anything wrong.'

'Amber… right, of course.' Renly sighed, a half-smile finding its way onto his face. 'You're only worried about Amber, of course.' He moved Loras' hand off his shoulder and gave him a gentle clasp on the arm. 'I misread that, I'm sorry.'

'You really need to stop apologising.' Loras said, offering his own smile.

'And you really need to put another shirt on.' Renly told him with a small smile. Loras managed a weak laugh before he moved away from him to put his shirt on. He glanced down at himself. He looked wrong in black. It wasn't a colour he wore very often. He turned round to find Renly smiling at him as he sat back down on his bed.

'It's strange seeing you in my house colours.' Renly told him, the smile still on his face.

'Do you like it?' Loras ventured. He knew he shouldn't ask that, he knew it wouldn't sound right. Renly would probably think he was joking again.

'Yes.' Renly answered surely. 'It suits you.'

That put a smile on Loras' face. He tried his best to dim the smile – this was not a moment for happiness with Amber on the brink of death in the next room. But it elated him to hear Renly say that.

A knock at the door stopped them, the smiles falling from both of their faces. Renly looked on the verge of tears again so Loras went to the door. He opened it to find Ser Jaime standing outside it with a familiar bundle of fur in his arms. Lioness. He glanced at Loras' shirt and raised an eyebrow at him.

'I'm not even going to ask.' He sighed. He held out the cat and pushed it onto Loras' chest until he raised his arms to hold Lioness himself. 'Bloody cat found its way up here and wouldn't leave her side.'

'She's Amber's cat…'

'I know.' Jaime hissed at him. 'But she's in the way, she kept hissing every time someone tried to touch Amber. They're moving Amber back to her chambers soon and in the meantime, I want you to keep _that_ in here and out of the way.'

'Alright,' Loras agreed, giving Lioness a gentle scratch between her ears. She didn't purr. 'ser.' Loras added quickly. Jaime only shook his head and walked away, back to Amber. Loras tried to peer into the room but Jaime shut the door behind him. Loras kicked the door shut and dropped Lioness onto Renly's bed. She padded around unhappily before she decided to settle against Renly. He looked helplessly up at Loras. Neither of them had anything to say about that.

'They're moving Amber soon.' Loras informed him quietly. 'Back to her own chambers.'

'Did Jaime say how she is?' Renly asked hopefully. Loras just shook his head and the hope fell from Renly's face.

'Loras,' he started in a whisper. 'what if… what if she-'

'She won't.' Loras told him almost through gritted teeth.

'But what if she does?'

'Amber's the strongest woman – no, the strongest _person_ – I've ever met.' Loras told him honestly. 'If she doesn't make it, there's no hope for the rest of us.'

No questions were raised when Loras didn't go back to his own room once servants had cleaned up and replaced the bedding. He didn't even entertain the idea of going back there. He'd already allowed one of his best friends to nearly die during the night, there wasn't a chance he was letting Renly out of his sight. King's Landing, however, had other plans. Lancel appeared at the door a few hours later to inform Renly that the king requested his presence.

'Loras, why don't you go down to the yard?' Renly told him with a sigh. He didn't want Loras to leave him, he didn't feel strong enough to be alone, but he didn't have a choice. Loras didn't seem impressed by the idea, but he agreed nonetheless. Renly assured Lancel he could find Robert by himself and told him to go and practise with Loras. The smile that found it's way to Lancel's face on hearing that was not one Renly wanted to remember. He seemed a little too happy to have been told to spend time with Loras. But Renly didn't have time to question it. He'd learned long ago that you did not keep Robert waiting.


	18. Chapter 18

He pushed open the door to Robert's solar, where he was sitting stamping letters at his desk, taking deep swigs from a cup between stamps.

'You wanted to see me, Robert?' Renly said quietly, shutting the door behind him. Robert put down the stamp, picked up the cup and turned around in his chair to look at his youngest brother.

'I'm sorry about what happened to the Lannister girl.' He told him. Renly could only nod in response, he could already feel his eyes starting to prickle with the all too familiar feeling of tears. 'I should think Lord Tywin's not feeling too clever now. He can't make that peace offering with Stannis if his offering is dead, can he?' Robert let out a laugh. 'Always knew that girl was different.' Renly didn't comment on how wrong Robert actually was, since he'd congratulated him on not marrying her and now he was commending her act of apparent rebellion.

'But, anyway,' Robert continued, taking another drink from his cup. 'that's not what I called you up here for.' He cleared his throat and called his other squire to refill his cup. 'I hear you didn't give Jon Arryn an answer. I want you on the council, Renly.'

'Why?' Renly asked, finally finding his voice.

'Because you're my brother and you need to learn how things work in King's Landing. You can't hide in Storm's End forever.'

'I was rather planning on doing just that, actually.' Renly said with a sigh. 'Why do I need to learn the ways of King's Landing? I'm never going to be king, so surely the best place for me is our family seat?'

'Truth be told, Renly,' Robert said, wearing that family smirk he could share with his brother. 'I can't put up with Stannis on my own. Or the rest of the council. I want someone around with a little _wit_! Someone who can put Littlefinger in his place and who isn't afraid to tell Pycelle when he's droned on for far too long!'

'I'm sure there are many others would could-'

'No.' Robert said surely. 'No. There's only my brother.' He offered him an unusually fond smile. Renly couldn't help but smile back. 'But, you take your time, little brother. Find yourself a nice girl and make a woman of her. But then come back because I need you here more than she'll need you in her bed.' Renly could feel himself blushing at that kind of talk, knowing none of that would be happening – not if he had any kind of say over it.

'As such,' Robert continued, evidently not noticing his brother's evident discomfort. 'you'll be doing a proper coming of age tour while you make up your mind. Take your time, travel the country, find the right girl – not a Lannister, mind you.'

Renly did not particularly like the idea of a tour. He'd done a small coming of age tour two years ago when he turned fourteen but he'd hated every minute of it and cut it short under the pretence he'd been taken ill. It was too much of lords and bannermen trying to force their daughters on him. He found it all very embarrassing.

'Robert, really, that's not necessary-'

'Yes, it is.' Robert insisted. Renly knew better than to argue with him. He just sighed and let the king have his way. It was safer that way. 'And that squire boy of yours, he can come with you. You can tell everyone he'll be a knight soon and find him a girl, too. Do his father a favour, win us back some friends in Highgarden.'

'So you can have an extension on your debts?' Renly said before he could stop himself. Robert stopped the cup halfway up to his lips and glared at his brother. The glare broke soon, though, into a grin as Robert laughed at him.

'Very good.' He beamed at him. 'You see, that's the kind of wit I want in my small council!'

Renly left Robert's solar feeling very uneasy about the whole topic. As much as he loved his brother's company, he couldn't quite bring himself to imagine leaving Storm's End. It was their _family_ seat and Robert was insistent on dragging him away from it? He did not like that idea one bit.

On his way back through the royal wing of the castle, he heard a noise across the quiet that stopped him in his tracks. Crying, he could definitely hear crying. A woman, most likely. He didn't want to intervene but he knew he ought to. He followed the sound into a courtyard containing a sunlit garden. Trees lined the sides of the garden, while flowers of all colours sprouted up from the grass and in the bushes. It was an altogether lovely place with a white swinging bench in the centre. The woman crying was seated on that bench. It was her identity that shocked Renly. It was the queen. He wanted to back away and pretend he'd never seen, but she'd already spotted him.

'Lord Renly.' She said stiffly. She was going to try and convince him she hadn't been crying, but it was a false endeavour. 'You shouldn't be here, these are the royal quarters.'

'I know, Your Grace.' Renly said, his voice much softer than the one he usually used to address the queen. 'I was just returning from visiting the king.'

'Well, go on then. _Return_.' She hissed at him. He sighed and tried to talk himself out of what his body was trying to do. He failed, and approached the queen. She looked horrified.

'Your Grace, I know you're upset. You don't need to hide it. We're all upset about Amber.' Renly told her, trying to hold the nerves back in his voice. Her emerald eyes softened slightly as she shuffled over on the bench, wordlessly inviting him to sit down. Once he did, he noticed something else. A bruise on her cheek. He didn't need her to tell him how she'd acquired that. She saw him looking and instantly looked at the floor.

'Robert did that, didn't he?'

'Yes.' She sighed. 'But I suppose he thought I deserved it at the time.' She flashed him a devious smile. 'I probably did, yet I don't regret it at all.' He smirked at her, which she seemed to appreciate. Both their smiles dropped quickly, as Amber returned to their minds.

'Amber's never been one to give in easily.' Cersei said with a fond sigh. Renly could only look at her. The queen had grown up with Amber, Renly had only known her since for four years. 'She used to pick up swords while the master at arms wasn't looking so she could spar with Jaime. Eventually he stopped chastising her when she did it.' She wiped a stray tear from her eye. 'I suppose she's trying to do that now. Try and kill herself enough times and my father will stop trying to marry her off.'

'I think it might be who she's marrying that's the problem.' Renly offered. Cersei's cold eyes stared back at him. He knew what she was thinking – if he'd have just married Amber they wouldn't be in this situation.

'Yes.' She said eventually. 'Yes, you're right. But she'll come round. You don't get to be a Lannister lady without marrying someone you hate.' She smiled coldly. 'In the end, I suppose that's why she could never have married you. She'd have been too _happy_.'

'I doubt that, Your Grace.' Renly sighed, letting his eyes wander around the flowers of the garden. He couldn't help but think they wouldn't hold a candle to the kind of gardens they must have where Loras was from.

'So do I.' Cersei answered quietly. Renly quickly turned back to her, wide-eyed.

'I'm sorry?'

She simply raised one eyebrow, her green eyes sparkling with secrets. 'Exactly how long have you been fucking your squire?' Cersei asked him in little more than a whisper. Renly felt like his heart were being wrenched into his throat by a fishhook.

'I… I don't… I haven't…'

'It doesn't look that way, Renly.' She told him in a soft voice. She was treating him like a brother. Like how she was supposed to have treated him since she married his brother. It unnerved Renly to hear her being so friendly.

'It may not, Your Grace,' he told her forcefully. 'but, I can assure you, there is _nothing_ like that taking place.'

'You sound almost forlorn at that notion.'

'Do you have to notice everything?'

'Usually.' Cersei answered with a rare smile. He grinned back at her, which only made her laugh. Renly realised then that he would be hard pressed to remember a time he'd actually heard her laugh before. Her laugh sounded like Amber's.

Somewhere outside the courtyard footsteps began to come into earshot. Cersei sighed and looked back at him. He already knew what was happening, he'd have said the exact same thing if she hadn't have beaten him to it.

'You realise this conversation never happened, don't you?' She told him, re-setting her voice to her normal cold tone. He nodded.

'I do, Your Grace.' He answered flatly, but flashed a smirk back in her direction. 'I'll return to answering you back and being as insolent as possible.'

'And a marvellous job you do at that.' She told him with one last smile. 'Good day, Lord Renly.'

'And you, Your Grace.' And with that he took his cue to leave.

He'd never liked Cersei, ever since the day she'd married Robert. It hadn't been an ideal match, even Robert would admit that. He'd fought an entire war for the woman he loved and it killed Renly to see his brother's efforts go to waste when he ended up married to a Lannister lady who's brother was the Kingslayer. Granted, Jaime's action were for Robert's side, but the Lannisters really took their time in actually choosing their allegiance. It was a rare thing that Renly had just been part of, he hadn't assumed Cersei was actually capable of behaving like a real human with actual emotion. He supposed it was mainly due to her cousin's condition, her nerves were frayed, she was worried, she wasn't in her right mind. But it didn't change what he'd seen. It also didn't change the words they had exchanged. Considering Renly had been trying to hide his secret since they got to King's Landing a shocking number of people seemed very aware of it. He could now add Cersei to that list. He concluded that he must be a very bad liar.

Regardless of how it might look, Renly went to the yard on his way back to his rooms. It occurred to him that it was behaviour such as this that attracted people's attention to his secret, but he did it nonetheless. Loras was practicing at jousting with the king's squire. Renly was all too aware of how willing Lancel was to spar with Loras. He watched as Loras easily defeated him, sending the blonde boy straight off his horse and onto the floor. He couldn't help but smile at that. Loras continued with a few other squires, but it was Lancel that Renly was watching. He was leaning against the wall intently watching Loras, a strange kind of smile playing on his face. Renly didn't like it one bit.

'He's good, I'll give him that.' A voice said from somewhere nearby. Renly cursed himself for getting so absorbed in watching his squire, he'd let Jaime Lannister sneak up on him.

'His is.' Renly said flatly, unwilling to even grace the Kingslayer with his gaze. He could practically _hear_ Jaime smirking behind his back. He took a step forward to lean against the fence, bringing himself level with Renly. Now he could see the Kingslayer smirking instead.

'Does he have other talents hidden away in that small frame?' Jaime asked casually, though there were definitely undertones of other things in his voice.

'I don't doubt it.' Renly answered stiffly. Jaime turned to look at him, wearing a very interested expression. Renly had to fight back a smirk before he continued. 'I think he's also very good at archery.'

'Oh, _very good_, Lord Renly.' Jaime said with a grin. 'You almost had me with that one. However, I can't help but wonder about the Tyrell boy's _swordsmanship_.' The way he said the word sent shocks of anger through Renly. He hated them speaking in code like this. If anything, he'd rather Jaime just said it outright, as his sister had done. But no, he wanted to try and get Renly to squirm under scrutiny. Renly vowed he would be unsuccessful.

'I hear he's very good at that, too.' Renly told him, his eyes still never giving the Kingslayer the opportunity to unnerve him. 'I've heard he's oft been compared to _you_ in that particular skill.'

Jaime actually laughed at that one. 'You truly are Robert's brother, though with somewhat more wit. I imagine Lord Baelish would relish your company on the council… should you take up the position.'

'So I am given to hear.' Renly finally allowed Jaime to have his full attention now that Loras had dismounted and gone into the stables. He didn't miss the quick smile his squire had sent his way before he departed. He didn't bother to inquire as to how Jaime knew he'd been offered the position on the small council, he knew how close he and Cersei were. He watched as Loras left the stables, exchanged a few words with Lancel before taking off alone in the opposite direction to his room.

'Where's he going now?' Renly muttered to himself as he watched his squire.

'You'll want to keep a shorter leash on that one.' Jaime told him with a sigh. Renly could only look back at him. Jaime shrugged. 'He'll want knocking down a step before he becomes a knight. A real one, not like the commoners are calling him.'

'Is that so?' Renly shot back, anger getting the better of him. 'As it would happen, _ser_, the comparisons to yourself do not stop at his skill with a sword. My master at arms has remarked on a few occasions how much he seems like "a young Jaime Lannister". Make of that what you will, Kingslayer.' And with that he turned away from Jaime and made to follow his squire… wherever it was he was going. He regretted taking his leave so suddenly, on reflection he so badly wanted to see the look on Jaime's face at his last comment.

Renly lost Loras somewhere near the corridors to the Grand Maester's wing of the Keep. He hunted around for a while but found no sign of him. In the end he just had to give up and go back to his rooms to get ready for dinner. There wasn't any sort of feast tonight so he'd be eating in his solar, but that didn't mean he shouldn't make an effort. He called for some water for a bath and had a few moments of peace in hot water before the door burst open. He didn't even need to look to see who it was, no one else would be so insolent as to just presume they had his leave the enter.


	19. Chapter 19

Renly lost Loras somewhere near the corridors to the Grand Maester's wing of the Keep. He hunted around for a while but found no sign of him. In the end he just had to give up and go back to his rooms to get ready for dinner. There wasn't any sort of feast tonight so he'd be eating in his solar, but that didn't mean he shouldn't make an effort. He called for some water for a bath and had a few moments of peace in hot water before the door burst open. He didn't even need to look to see who it was, no one else would be so insolent as to just presume they had his leave the enter.

'And where have you been?' Renly asked over his shoulder. Loras shut the door and stopped in his tracks.

'Sorry.' He said quietly. 'I didn't realise you were taking a bath. I could… I'll come back.'

'Don't be ridiculous.' Renly told him. Loras blinked a few times before he forced himself to move forwards and sit on the bed. It only took a slight glance sideways for him to realise he should not be sitting there. He could see straight into the bathtub. He didn't actually catch a glimpse of anything, though a part of him wished he had, but he knew if his eyes had lingered a little longer he would have seen. He got off the bed and sat on the floor instead. Renly only watched him in confusion.

'Well make your mind up.' He said with a laugh. Loras managed an awkward smile.

'Sorry.' He said quickly. 'I'll stay on the floor. I won't move again.'

Renly just raised an eyebrow at him. 'Are you alright? Normally you'd argue if I told you to sit still. You'd have changed your position at least twice by now.'

'I'm fine.' Loras lied. In actual fact, he was not fine at all. He'd got a lot of news in a few short hours. For starters, Garlan had found him in the yard and told him the date had been set for his wedding to the Fossoway girl. He'd invited Loras, obviously, but he'd also said he planned to invite Renly. He'd told Loras that it was apparent that Lord Renly had made quite an impression on him and that it would look good for the family to have the Lord of Storm's End present at a wedding. Loras could only smile back, words evaded him. All that seemed like a lot, but then he was summoned to the Maester because a raven had come from Highgarden. His suspicions were roused further when he made to undo the letter only the find the first line read _Open when alone. Burn after reading._ He hadn't read any further since then. He'd intended to read it once he got back to his chambers, but his feet had taken him to Renly's instead. And then he'd been distracted.

'So, go on then, where did you vanish off to after your training session?' Renly pried. Loras realised he'd been silent for much too long to be considered normal behaviour from him.

'There was a raven from Highgarden.' He told him with a sigh.

'Oh? Anything interesting?'

'I don't know. I haven't read the message yet.' Loras had abandoned the paper somewhere on the bed where he'd dropped it.

'Why not?'

'The first line told me to read it when I was alone.'

'So you brought it here?' Renly said with a smirk. 'Do I count as _alone_ to you now?'

Loras shrugged. Truth be told, yes, he did count as _alone_. He'd have told him whatever was in the message anyway. Loras carefully stood up, deliberately placing his gaze on places he felt were safe, as he retrieved the letter. He sat back down and unrolled it fully. He read it in silence before he relayed it back to Renly. He could barely force the words out of his throat.

'It's my grandmother.' He said quietly. Any word from her meant he'd either done something wrong, or she was up to her old tricks in some kind of scheme or other. 'She thinks she should… no, she thinks _we_ should try and marry Margaery to your brother. The king, I mean.' Loras folded the letter up before he got up and promptly threw it into the fire. He watched as the words danced behind the flames before they were smouldered and turned to smoke.

'And she told you to burn it?' Renly inquired. Loras turned back around, forgetting to avert his gaze and instantly forced his eyes shut.

'Yes.' He answered, opening his eyes once he was certain his gaze was far enough above the bathtub. He didn't miss Renly roll his eyes, though. Loras sat down again and pretended not to have noticed.

'Hold on… you said _we_. What have I got to do with all of this?'

'Apparently she has heard I'm… fond of you, as she put it. She thinks you might be able to persuade the king better than she could.'

'I doubt that.' Renly said with a smirk. 'Your grandmother could persuade a hermit out of its shell.' He ducked his head under the water and resurfaced having found another question. Loras couldn't help but notice how Renly's hair shined even more than usual when it was wet, and with water dripping off his face like that…

'Sorry?' Loras asked, realising Renly was waiting for a response to a question Loras was too busy staring to hear. He received a curious look from Renly before he repeated his question.

'I said, Robert already has a wife. What does she propose we do with Cersei? I know the Queen of Thorns likes to get involved with schemes, but I didn't think she was in the habit of murder.' He said with a grin.

'Apparently she has a theory. That's all she said.' Loras relayed. Renly watched him for a moment before shrugging.

'Would Margaery want to marry Robert? I can't imagine it's something many girls would want.'

'He's the _king_.' Loras reminded him, earning himself another smirk.

'Fair enough.' Renly sighed. 'As long as your sister is willing to put up with him, she can be my guest. She'd make a better goodsister than Cersei.'

Loras could only nod and lean back against the bed behind him. He glanced at the window where Lioness was curled up sleeping. He wondered how sound Amber's sleep was at that moment. Was she dreaming? Or was it just blackness?

'It's your name day soon, isn't it?' Renly started up again. Loras tore his eyes away from the sleeping lion.

'Yes.' He answered. 'I'll be fourteen.'

'Any ideas as to what you might want for a gift?'

'You don't need to.' Loras told him, feeling a blush creeping up his neck.

'Of course I do!' Renly grinned back at him. 'What kind of a friend would I be if I didn't?'

'Really, just spending the day with you is enough.' Loras said without thinking. He instantly realised how strange that must have sounded. He stared at the floor under the bathtub.

'How… kind of you.' Renly answered slowly, evidently finding it as strange as Loras thought he might. He didn't make a comment on it, though. 'Well, if that's what you want then I'm sure it won't be a problem… but we do that anyway, it's hardly _special_, is it?'

Loras disagreed. It was definitely special, and if he were more pious he would thank the gods every day that he got to spend so much time with Renly. But he wasn't, so he didn't.

'But we could do something different.' Loras told him. Renly only stared at him at that, something very similar to worry behind his eyes. Loras knew he'd phrased that a little differently than he'd intended, but if anything he did want to try something _that_ different with Renly. He'd just never say it. 'We could go hunting or just for a ride with the horses… we could just go into the woods and stay there all day.'

'Why would you want to do that?' Renly laughed, the very idea seemed curious to him. Loras tried to find an answer that didn't involve saying something similar to _because I want to spend every waking moment I can alone with you_.

'We're always busy with something. I'm always training, you've always got ravens to answer or people to speak to.' Loras said, hoping that would sound honest enough. It _was_ true, after all.

'Alright.' Renly agreed casually. 'But I'm still going to get you a gift. I've already got something in mind, it would be a shame to let it go to waste.' Loras narrowed his eyes at him but Renly only grinned back. Loras knew better than to pester him to tell him, he never would.

'Anyway,' Renly continued once conversation had stopped. 'I saw Lancel watching you today.'

'He's probably jealous. I was very good.'

'And very modest.' Renly smirked at him, running a soap through his hair. Loras did his best to keep his eyes in line with his lord's. 'But no, he wasn't just watching you, he was _watching_ you.'

'You do realise you're saying the same word, don't you?' Loras said flatly. He couldn't deny that he'd noticed Lancel watching him, though, it was somewhat unsettling.

'He was… leering.' Renly told him, clearly having searched for a more fitting word.

'Leering?' Loras repeated. 'You don't mean… Lancel doesn't…'

'Doesn't he?' Renly questioned, disbelief evident in his tone. Loras found himself remembering Ash's words telling him it wasn't as uncommon as he thought. Renly ducked his head under the water and resurfaced once more.

'But why would he…' Loras had to really force himself to say it. It had become so much more difficult to talk about since he'd had to hide his own feelings from Renly, too. 'Why would he like me?'

'Really, Loras? You're really asking that question?'

'I don't understand…'

Renly turned a little more so he could face him. 'Loras, you can't honestly be so blind not to see it, can you? The girls here are completely besotted by you, the common folk have fallen in love with you and I kissed you. Are you honestly asking me why someone should like you?'

'But…'

'Loras, don't be stupid. Without meaning to embarrass you – you're the most handsome person I've ever met. And I doubt that I'm the only one.'

Loras had to bite his tongue to stop himself replying to that. He wanted to say the same thing to Renly, that he'd never seen eyes more enticing or a smile so infectious… he'd never met anyone he'd wanted to be with more. He deliberately made a point of putting his palms flat on the cold floor beneath him to make sure he resisted the urge to sit forwards and just kiss him. He couldn't help but wonder what would happen if he did. Renly wouldn't push him away, at least not at first, but he'd probably apologise after. He'd think he'd somehow made Loras think it was his duty to reciprocate feelings he didn't have. He wouldn't understand. Loras was still trying to work out a way to make him understand that the feelings he had for him were real.

'Thank you.' He said eventually. 'For whatever of those reasons Lancel likes me… he's not going to get very far.'

'I know.'

'You do?'

'Of course. You don't like men, why would you be interested?'

Loras just nodded back, well aware that it probably wasn't very convincing. For a minute there he'd thought Renly might actually realise he liked him, but he didn't. Loras should have known better.

'Garlan came to find me today.' Loras changed the topic before it could get any more awkward. 'He told me he wants to invite you to his wedding.'

'That's nice of him.' Renly said with a smile. 'Why, though?'

'He said you'd made an impression on me. I think that means he knows we're friends.' Loras told him, trying to keep his tone calm. 'And it would look good if the Lord of Storm's End turned up at a Tyrell wedding.'

'I imagine it would.' Renly said with a smirk. 'Does your father still think I might hold a grudge over the siege?'

'I don't think he wants to take any chances.'

'Either way, I'd like to go.' Renly told him. 'I'd love to see Highgarden.'

'Garlan will be pleased.' Loras said with a sigh. He was glad Renly wanted to go, of course, but he knew it meant he'd meet Loras' grandmother. She knew _everything_, and if she didn't, she'd be very swift in finding it out. The last thing he wanted was her to find out what Loras' feelings were towards him. Not that he thought she'd have a problem with that, she'd probably seen far stranger things in her lifetime. But it didn't mean he wasn't scared of it.

'Can you do something for me?' Renly asked him, breaking his thoughts. He nodded meekly. 'Go and ask the servants to come in here? I'm going to get dressed.'

'You sent them into your solar?' Loras asked him. Usually they just stayed and waited for you to finish your bath so they'd know when you wanted to get out. Loras no longer had that luxury, being a squire he was normally just left to his own devices.

'I wanted to be alone.' Renly told him with a smirk. Loras couldn't decide if it was because of their earlier conversation about Loras' considering himself alone when he was with Renly, other whether it meant something else. Loras didn't feel like he was in a position to dwell on that thought.


	20. Chapter 20

He did as he was asked and went into the solar, where he found the servant waiting for instructions. He passed the message along and watched as he went back to Renly. Loras silently wondered if any of the servants knew Renly's preference, and if they'd cause a scene if they found out. He then saw the girl setting up the table in the solar for dinner.

'M'lord told me to lay a place for you, ser.' She told him with a shy smile.

'That's kind of him.' Loras said, unsure of what the appropriate response was. 'And I'm no ser. I'm his squire.'

'They're calling you a ser in the streets.' She told him brightly. 'The Knight of Flowers they call you.' He stared at her while she began putting cutlery out. They called him a knight? She seemed to feel him staring and turned back around.

'You deserve it,' she said softly. 'ser.' Loras swallowed as he tried to smile back at her. She was acting a little more flirtatious now and it was making him uncomfortable.

'Well… thank you.'

She smiled up at him, batting her eyelashes over pretty blue eyes. 'Oh no, it's for _me_ to thank _you_.' She told him sweetly, though he feared her intentions were far less than sweet. 'And a knight like you deserves the world.' She placed her hand gently on his shoulder. 'The Knight of Flowers.' She repeated, the words barely leaving her lips. It didn't send shudders through his body, it didn't arouse him, it just made him feel stupid.

'Really, you don't need to-'

'It's alright.' She smiled again, this time biting her lip.

'It really isn't, I don't-'

The door to the solar squeaked open but the girl didn't move.

'Tyf, I think you're making him uncomfortable.' Renly told her calmly, moving over to the table and straightening the cutlery she'd laid out. 'You can go now.'

'Yes, m'lord.' She said quickly, taking a step back from Loras. 'Thank you, m'lord.' And with that she took her leave. Renly only offered a smirk for his squire. Loras ran his hand through his curly hair and straightened his shirt.

'There were other ways to handle that advance, you know.' Renly told him, leaning against the table. Loras could smell the food and it instantly made him hungry. He hadn't eaten lunch, or breakfast, because he'd been too busy thinking about Amber.

'I imagine there were.' Loras said simply. Renly must have seen him staring at the food because he gestured towards the other seat before he himself sat down. Loras just grinned at him as he sat down opposite him. 'You didn't have to set a place for me, you know.' He told him, once he'd picked up a piece of bread. He would be gracious about it but he wasn't going to let him change his mind.

Renly just shrugged. 'I wanted to. It was either set a place for you or eat alone.' He told him with a grin.

'Don't jest – you wanted me here.'

'True.' Renly smirked at him before he took a drink from his cup.

'So, what did the king have to say?' Loras asked once they'd both had some time to eat something without the need to talk.

'He was just reminding me that he wanted an answer about the small council.' Renly sighed. Loras could tell there was another piece to the story, so he just waited for it. 'And that while I make up my mind I've got to do some visiting.'

'Visiting?'

He nodded with another sigh. 'Parading around while lords try and persuade me to marry their daughters.'

'Sounds lovely.' Loras said flatly.

'Oh, don't think you can jest about it – you're coming with me.'

'I'm sorry?'

'You're my squire, of course you're coming with me.'

'But I thought…' Loras wanted to say something about Renly making him a knight, especially with his name day coming up soon, but he couldn't quite bring himself to say it.

'I'm being tactical about it.' Renly told him, that famous smirk returning. 'I don't want to go alone, so you're staying my squire until I'm at least done with this ridiculous tour.'

'Now you're behaving like a real lord.' Loras grinned back. Deep down, he wasn't too disheartened by it all. Renly had practically said he didn't want to knight him because he wanted to spend more time with him, Loras wasn't going to turn that down.

He shrugged and smiled back. 'It had to happen sometime.'

They finished the meal and continued the conversation, but Amber was still playing on their minds. Renly especially. He couldn't shake the feeling that this was all his fault. Most of all, he'd never forgive himself if Amber didn't make it. And neither would her family – yet another debt the Lannisters could pay back with interest. When it came to going to bed, there wasn't even a discussion of Loras going back to his own room.

'I couldn't.' He told Renly as they both stared at the ceiling. It had got so dark he could barely see anything but he didn't mind spending time talking to his squire. He didn't mind spending time doing anything with him. 'I couldn't sleep in there even if I wanted to. I know they've changed the sheets and cleaned the room, but…' His voice went a little quieter. 'It still happened there, didn't it? They can't clean up the memory.'

'I know.' Renly told him, trying to be comforting. He wouldn't have been able to go back there either. He wanted to do everything to stop himself thinking about Amber though, he'd only get upset again. It wasn't that he was embarrassed getting upset in front of Loras, it was more like he felt as though he didn't have any right to be upset in the first place. It was his fault Amber was having to marry someone else, he'd done this to her.

'She told me she wants us both at the wedding.' Loras said quietly.

'Assuming she makes it to the wedding.' Renly muttered. He wished he hadn't said it but he couldn't stop himself. Loras didn't comment, Renly just heard him sigh – possibly in agreement. Cersei was right, Amber was most likely to keep trying this until either Tywin Lannister gave up or… or she didn't cling to life long enough to see if it worked.

They'd both gone to sleep after a while, when talking about Amber became too much they both decided it was better to just go to sleep. Renly's dreams were filled with memories of Amber, just little things she'd said and done back at Storm's End. The way she was always so sarcastic and cold but if Renly had ever needed someone to talk to she was always warm and comforting. And she'd tried to help him on so many occasions. She didn't deserve what she'd got. Being sent to Dragonstone was the last thing any Lannister wanted, let alone Amber. It was his last memory of Amber that eventually woke him up – the memory of him pressing down on her wrist to try and stop the flow of blood, then staring down at his own hands and seeing them covered in Amber's blood.

His eyes flew open and he had to make a conscious effort to slow his breathing back down. Somehow in the night he'd ended up wrapped up with Loras. He wasn't about to question how that had happened, but Loras actually seemed asleep this time. He was curled up with his back pressed against Renly's chest. Renly found his own arm draped across Loras' ribs, softly moving it when he realised he might wake him up if he caught his bruise. It then became apparent Loras was having a considerably different sort of dream to Renly's, as he heard him moan gently in his sleep. Even that sound sent sparks through Renly, he could feel the hair on his neck standing on end. He wanted to let go of him but he was too scared he'd wake him up. He had to bite his lip to keep from making a noise himself when Loras backed his hips up against him. It was at this point Renly knew he had to disentangle himself before the tension in his small clothes became noticeable. The last thing he wanted was for Loras to wake up and realise what exactly was pressed against him. Renly gently moved his arm away from him and did his best not to move the bed too much as he turned over, away from his squire. He only hoped that maybe if he went back to sleep so would his arousal.

After a few more moments of listening to Loras moan in his sleep, Renly wondered if he'd actually get any sleep that night. He couldn't stay up and listen to that and there was no way his brain would let him sleep while hearing it. He'd be concentrating so hard on trying to force his brain onto another topic that it made him jump when Loras sat up, the motion almost tipping him off the side of the bed. He could hear Loras breathing heavily and clearly he'd woken with a start. He didn't know whether or not it was appropriate to ask him if he was alright or just pretend he was still asleep. In the end he didn't have to make the decision as Loras quietly got up and went into the privy. He was gone for quite a while, giving Renly the chance to try and think of anything else. But his mind kept telling him what Loras was probably doing to himself in there and that only made things worse. He cursed himself for having to do it, but he thought of the only thing he could think of that would change the situation. Amber.

Loras came back and his eyes visibly widened when he saw that Renly had turned over and watched him come back into the room.

'Are you alright?' He asked him in half a whisper through the silent room.

'I'm fine.' Loras said, though his voice was shaking. He slid back into the bed and pulled the sheets back over himself.

'Are you sure?'

'Yes. Of course I'm alright. Why wouldn't I be?' Loras' voice was noticeably tight. Renly had to stop himself smirking because he knew what Loras wasn't saying.

'I don't know.' Renly said casually. 'You were… restless in your sleep. I thought maybe you were having a nightmare.'

'No.' Loras hissed back. 'I'm fine.'

'It wasn't a nightmare, though, was it?'

'No.'

'You were dreaming about _someone_.' Renly said with a quiet laugh. Loras glared at him, barely visible in what little light there was.

'Can we stop talking about this? I can't help what I dream about, can I?' Loras said moodily. Renly could tell this wasn't going to end well if he kept teasing him about it.

'Fine. Have it your way.' He sighed, turning back to stare at the ceiling. 'I don't need to know what girl you're thinking of, anyway. Though I'd have thought I'd have noticed if you'd ever talked to a girl before.'

'I've talked to plenty of girls.' Loras insisted.

'Have you?'

'Of course.'

'When?'

'Back home.'

'That's curious, since you told me you didn't have any experience with that.' Loras practically growled at him for that statement. Renly just raised his eyebrows at him, knowing full well he probably couldn't see him anyway. That was a strange thing, though, Renly hadn't seen him speak to any girls in King's Landing aside from Amber and Tyf the serving girl… and he hardly seemed confortable with Tyf's advances. Renly had noticed that instantly. He couldn't help but wonder if there was a possibility he wasn't thinking about a girl at all… but then he reminded himself that was probably just wishful thinking.

'Can we stop, Renly?' Loras asked him, his voice shaking somewhat again. 'Please, I'm embarrassed enough already.'

'Alright.' Renly agreed. He didn't have enough information to continue the conversation anyway. 'I'll just try and go back to sleep. You know we _can_ talk about this kind of thing, don't you?'

'I know.' Loras muttered, then turned away from him. Renly just wanted to pull him back to him, stay as they had been when he'd woken up. But he knew that was something neither of them had planned and probably wouldn't happen by accident again.

But it did happen again. For two days after that event Renly woke up in the morning to find Loras somehow wrapped up with him, in one way or another. It wasn't a problem usually, since they'd both wake up, say nothing about it, then go back to their day. However, it was the third day when things threatened to get a little more complicated. There was a knock on the door, which woke Renly. Loras was still fast asleep, curled up with his back against him again. Renly knew he had to answer the door but he just didn't want to move. He had to resist the urge to kiss the back of Loras' neck when he got up. He carefully got out of bed and crept towards the door, opening it only a little bit so whoever it was couldn't see who was sharing his bed. Outside the door was the king's squire, Lancel. Renly held back the temptation to roll his eyes.

'What?' He asked him quietly. He didn't try to be mean to him but he couldn't help it, knowing how Lancel had been staring at Loras. He hadn't stopped it during the training sessions that followed either, if anything his gaze had only intensified.

'Lady Amber's awake, my lord.' He told him, staring at the floor rather that at Renly. 'She's asking for you.'

'Right.' Renly sighed. 'Thank you.' He added, realising he should at least be thankful someone told him Amber was awake. He shut the door and couldn't stop himself smiling. Amber was awake. She was asking for him. She actually wanted to see him! He went over the bed without a second thought and gently shook Loras awake. He groaned on being woken up but eventually opened his eyes.

'Amber's awake!' Renly grinned at him. Loras' eyes widened and he instantly sat upright…then clutched his side where apparently his bruise had protested. 'Go and get dressed, then we'll go and see her.' He told him. Loras just nodded and left the room.


	21. Chapter 21

'Amber's awake!' Renly grinned at him. Loras' eyes widened and he instantly sat upright…then clutched his side where apparently his bruise had protested. 'Go and get dressed, then we'll go and see her.' He told him. Loras just nodded and left the room.

Once they were both washed and dressed they met again in the corridor and started the walk up to Amber's room. Renly could feel his heartbeat in his neck with anticipation to see her. He knew he should be thankful she made it, he should go down to the Sept and pray, but he had no intention of it. The gods had driven her to this in the first place, it was only levelling everything back out to bring her back. Besides, Renly had been told on numerous occasions as a child about the sorts of things the gods didn't like – and his sexual preference was one of them. He didn't think they'd listen even if he did pray to them.

Amber was sitting up in bed when they reached her, with Grand Maester Pycelle pouring some liquid into a cup at the side of her bed. Amber offered a small smile when she saw her friends. Her blonde hair was a mess and there were dark circles around her eyes but at least she was conscious. The bandages on her wrist were back, Loras noted that they looked tighter this time. There was a similar wrap on her other arm.

'Preventative.' She told them, raising her right arm to show the new bandage. 'In case I decide to try again.' She said it a little too much accusation, causing the Grand Maester to narrow his eyes a little at her.

'I'll be outside, my lady.' He told her stiffly. He stopped beside Renly in the doorway. 'Lord Tywin has decreed she's not to be alone at any time. Come and tell me when you're leaving.' And with that, Pycelle took a seat in the corridor and opening up a book he'd been carrying. Renly closed the door to him and turned back to his friend. There was a scroll of paper on the table by her bed, an opened message.

'I'm sorry.' Amber started, most of her apology directed at Loras. He looked as though he was about to cry. 'I should have told you when you asked about the bandages. I was just… well, I was embarrassed.'

'You shouldn't be.' Loras told her quietly. Amber just shrugged and brushed her hair behind her ears.

'And you,' her golden eyes flickered back to Renly. 'I know you think this is your fault. It isn't. I promise.'

He approached her bed and took her hand in his. 'I know, Amber.' He glanced back at the message. 'What's that?'

Amber's smile intensified a little, something fond behind it. She let go of Renly's hand and picked it up. 'It came from Dragonstone while I was unconscious. It's from… well, it's from my betrothed.' She said with a smirk, but her eyes were still warm. 'It's a list of all the flowers he's had planted around his land for me. He says he's doing everything he can to make the place as pretty as Highgarden.' Her voice caught as she said it, but neither of her friends mentioned it. 'And I know that's impossible, Loras, don't bother correcting me. But at least he's _trying_.'

'He can try.' Loras said stiffly, but smiled at her after a moment.

'So, I see you two arrived together, as usual.' Amber said with a smirk. Renly flashed a glare at her, whereas Loras just stared out of the window, as if trying to wish himself outside instead. 'Have you spent a lot of time together while I've been… absent?'

'I suppose.' Renly shrugged, trying to force himself to seem casual. Amber couldn't withhold a delicate laugh, which quickly turned to a cough. Renly handed her the cup of water from the table. She cleared her throat and just smirked back at him.

Loras didn't miss the obvious joke at their expense. He glared at Amber, hoping she'd stop talking about this, but she didn't even notice him. Either that, or she was deliberately pretending not to have noticed. It made Loras even more embarrassed given what had happened since Amber had been unconscious. She only knew what Loras had told her that night, but plenty had happened since. He couldn't help but feel embarrassed every time Renly gave him _that_ look at night, the kind of look that reminded him of that dream he'd had. Renly didn't know who it was about, and he never would, but just the thought of Renly knowing the sort of dream it was, made Loras uncomfortable. It had, of course, been about Renly. He'd dreamt that he'd finally gotten up the courage to tell him how he felt and he'd kissed him again, except this time things had the time to get a lot more passionate. He'd woken up with a start, forgetting who he was sharing a bed with, and only feeling more ashamed when he remembered. He knew he couldn't just go back to sleep, his small clothes had become very uncomfortable during his dream and he didn't know how he could ignore it and go to sleep. Renly was still asleep, turned over away from him, so Loras got up to relieve himself of the… problem. He'd had the shock of his life when he found Renly awake when he came back. He just hoped he didn't know what he'd been doing, as Loras remembered that he might not have been able to stop himself saying Renly's name while he was doing it. He prayed, to gods he knew weren't listening, that Renly hadn't heard him.

'So,' Renly said, swiftly changing the topic. 'when's the wedding?'

'Not long.' Amber sighed, but it was a fond kind of sigh. Loras had the feeling she might have changed her mind about her betrothed somewhat. 'My uncle is worried I'll do something like _this_ again,' she held up one arm to demonstrate the point. 'so he's doing this as soon as possible.'

'Aren't you scared?' Renly asked her. Loras knew this resonated with him, after all, this would be him at some point. He'd probably get some letter from the king telling him he was to marry some girl he'd never met in an allotted amount of time. Loras just had to hope it would never come to that.

'No.' Amber answered simply. 'It's _him_ who should be scared.' She said with a laugh. 'I'm hardly easy to handle.'

'True.' Renly grinned at her. 'Four years with you at Storm's End was… lovely, but taxing.'

'I do my best.' Amber smirked back.

They left Amber after a while, when she became tired again, and Grand Maester Pycelle went to tend to her. They began the walk back through the yard quite happily, until Loras suddenly tensed and stopped walking. Renly turned back to him wearing a curious expression.

'What is it?' He asked quietly, glancing around them.

'_Him_.' Loras hissed at him, his eyes not moving away from the man he'd seen. Across the yard Loras had seen the Red Viper of Dorne. Oberyn Martell. Loras could feel his pulse rising in anger. 'The Red Viper.' He breathed. Renly saw who he meant and just looked back, puzzled.

'He's the one who crushed Willas' leg. He did that to him.' Loras told him.

'Didn't that happen in a tourney?'

'Yes, but there was no need for what he did to him. It was unnecessary. He crippled him for life.' Loras almost growled. Renly nodded, but Loras felt his hand on his shoulder, willing him to stay by his side.

'Don't do anything stupid.' Renly warned him quietly. 'I know he hurt your family, but don't fall to his level.' Loras remained silent, staring at the ground to stop himself reacting to the sight of him. He could feel his fists involuntarily clench by his side.

'Ah! Lord Renly!' And there it was. The very last thing Loras wanted to hear. He kept his eyes on the ground as he heard the Red Viper approaching them.

'Prince Oberyn.' Renly answered, forcing a smile. He himself wasn't overly fond of the man, he always seemed like he was plotting something.

'And your squire,' Prince Oberyn continued. Loras bit his tongue as he locked eyes with the Dornishman. 'Tyrell, isn't it?' Loras felt Renly give him a gentle nudge in the side.

'Yes, my lord.' Loras said stiffly. The Red Viper just nodded, wearing a sneering sort of smile.

'Very good.' He replied, his voice dripped in that slippery Dornish drawl. 'I saw him in the tourney, Lord Renly,' he continued. Renly nodded along as he tried to keep his smile fixed. 'he was very impressive, wouldn't you say?'

'Yes.' Renly answered slowly, wondering where this conversation was going. 'Yes, I was very proud of him.'

'Were you? Yes, you do seem very close with each other.'

'Well, we really should be going-'

'Before you do,' the Red Viper said quickly. 'you ought to visit Dorne soon. Prince Doran has been talking about it for a while, but now I see that it really would be good to have you see Dorne.'

'Oh… well, yes, perhaps.' Renly stammered. Why would he want to invite him to Dorne? He could almost feel Loras' anger radiating beside him. 'Good day.' He said quickly, leading his squire away from the Martell prince.

That night there was a final feast to mark the end of the festivities for the king's tourney. Renly tried to make the walk to the hall last as long as humanly possible, and that did not go unnoticed by his squire.

'It'll be alright.' Loras tried to reassure him. Renly only sighed and tried to agree with him. 'You'll only have to sit up there until they start the music.'

'I know.' He said quietly. He turned to observe his squire, those lovely brown curls that framed his face seemed especially lovely that night. 'Then you'll come and find me, won't you?'

'Of course.' Loras grinned back at him. That put a genuine smile on Renly's face. Although it did not change the fact that he had to spend another night in the company of the queen. He had the foreboding feeling that she would be more rude to him than usual, to make up for how nice she'd been during their brief encounter in the royal gardens.

Loras watched as Renly flashed him an uneasy smile and turned around to make his way to the high table. Loras wasn't sure how long he'd been staring after him, but he felt a tug on his sleeve and was greeted by a bemused smile from his brother. Loras tried to be casual, but he feared he wasn't doing a very good job. He sat down, all the while under the scrutiny of his brother's gaze.

'You do realise you were staring at Lord Renly, don't you?' Garlan asked him quietly.

'I wasn't staring.' Loras hissed back, glancing around to make sure no one else was listening. 'He was worried about sitting with the queen, I was just trying to make sure he was alright.'

Garlan shrugged and took a drink from his cup. The first course had been brought out but Loras felt that he suddenly didn't have any appetite. Garlan seemed to be enjoying himself, chatting animatedly with a few other knights from Highgarden who'd come to King's Landing with his party. Loras watched them talk but didn't add anything to their conversation. He stole a glance back up at Renly, where Amber was sat at his side, an awkward smile on her face as the queen had clearly brought up an uncomfortable topic again. Amber caught him looking and flashed him a quick knowing smile. Loras whipped his head back around, trying to hide his embarrassment at being caught.

'So, have you told Lord Renly he will receive an invitation to the wedding?' Garlan asked, almost startling his youngest brother by even engaging him in conversation.

'Yes.' Loras answered quietly, trying to calm his voice.

'Was he pleased?'

'Oh, yes, he was very pleased.' Loras told him, taking a deep breath before he lifted his head up to smile at his brother. Garlan beamed back and messed up his brother's hair with his hand. Loras scowled at him and shook his head to reset his hair.

'You two really have become very close.' Garlan observed, casting a glance up at Lord Renly. 'You seem like good friends.'

'We are.' Loras said honestly, supressing the need to sigh fondly as he thought of it.

'You are fortunate. I saw Jaime Lannister's squire the other day, poor boy, he looked like he'd been beaten black and blue.' Garlan informed him. Loras thought of Ash and felt a sudden guilt for him. If Loras thought his own bruise from the Kingslayer was bad, how much pain would Ash be in? Loras could only nod back at his older brother.

'But, anyway,' Garlan continued. 'I'm glad you've found a friend in Lord Renly. Our lord father will be pleased, Lord Renly is a good friend for Highgarden to have.'

Loras was glad when the main courses were over and the music started up for dancing. Garlan left him to take a pretty Estermont girl to dance. She seemed pleased to have been asked, but by now everyone knew that Garlan would be married soon. Loras took a deep drink from his cup before setting it down again. When he turned back around he was greeted with the familiar sight of those brilliant green eyes and infectious smile of Lord Renly. He grinned at him as he sat down next to him.

'How was it?' Loras asked.

Renly shrugged and sighed. 'Tolerable. The queen was up to her usual tricks, this time blaming me for Amber's… incident.'

'That's not fair,' Loras told him. 'surely Amber told her it wasn't your fault?'

'Oh, she did just that. But it wasn't enough… it never is for the queen.' Renly told him with a half-hearted smirk. Loras' eyes found Lady Amber, who'd now been asked to dance by Garlan as the song changed. She had long sleeves on her dress to hide her bandages. Tonight she was wearing gold, which Loras decided was very ambiguous. Everything about Amber was carefully planned out, in wearing gold she was wearing both Lannister and Baratheon colours, making it difficult for Loras to ascertain who she was working for tonight, her family or her friend? She seemed happy dancing with Garlan though, as she wore a pleasant smile and chatted sweetly with him.

'How's Amber?' He asked eventually, still watching her twirl around the floor in the arms of his brother.

'She's better than she was.' Renly told him with a sigh. 'I think she might actually be happy, eventually. Her betrothed seems to be making a lot of effort for her.'

'She deserves it.' Loras said quietly.

'I know she does.' Renly agreed, lowering his voice to match. The music stopped as the musicians got ready to change to the next song. 'Excuse me.' Renly said suddenly, as Garlan released Amber. Loras offered him a knowing smile before he turned his back and extended his hand to Amber. She looked up at him with a smile and accepted.

'So this is it.' Amber said as she draped her arms over Renly's shoulders. Her amber eyes were sparkling more than usual that night.

'It is.' Renly agreed, his hands finding her waist as he gently spun her around. It was moments like this that reminded him of how they'd been when Amber first came to Storm's End. Back when he was convinced he'd be able to love her like she wanted, and back when she believed that, too. But everything had changed since then. They'd both grown up and realised that they wanted very different things.

'You know Cersei doesn't mean it, don't you?' Amber told him in a whisper, pressing herself a little closer to whisper in his ear. He didn't mind, they'd been closer than this before.

'I wouldn't go that far.' He answered flatly. He heard Amber laugh as she pulled away a little to let him spin her around again. She grinned back.

'She doesn't.' Amber repeated. 'I know she doesn't.'

'If you say so, Amber.' Renly told her with a fond sigh. She just nodded her head and smiled again. He'd never seen her quite so happy, which was unusual given that she'd tried to end her own life a week ago.

'Will you miss me?' She asked.

'Of course.' Renly told her honestly. He'd miss her more than she'd probably ever know. She'd been the one constant in his life while everything around him was changing.

'And you'll come and visit me, won't you?'

'Of course.' He said again, flashing a smile at her before he added, 'assuming Stannis will allow me to visit that frequently.'

Amber raised one eyebrow with her classic smirk. 'When has what Stannis says ever stopped you?'

'True.' He said with a grin. Even when he was a child, he was always disobeying the orders of his older brother. They'd never agreed with each other and never got along. Not like how Renly got on with Robert, they had their disagreements but they would always be close. He knew that.

'And you'll bring Loras with you?'

'As long as I can, yes.' He told her. She smiled again and glanced back at Renly's squire. He was sitting and chatting with his brother across the room.

'You do realise it, don't you?' She asked cryptically. Renly tilted his head to look at her but her expression gave nothing away.

'Realise what?'

She smirked and shook her head. 'How can you not see it? Are you blind?'

'Amber, I don't know what you're talking about.'

She actually laughed this time, drawing her arms a little tighter around her friend. 'I see the way you look at him, Renly.'

'That's beside the point,' he hissed at her. 'I _can't_ be with him like that, so it's worth nothing to talk about it.'

'Isn't it?' Amber whispered back, her eyes shimmering in the light. 'I think it is. We're going to spin around one more time and you're going to turn and look at him. I guarantee he'll be watching you.' Renly just stared at her before he did as he was told and spun her around again. His eyes roamed the room and found his squire. His eyes were fixed on Renly. He quickly looked away the second he saw Renly had noticed, but he couldn't forget what he'd seen.

'That doesn't mean anything, Amber.' He told her, though there was some hopeful feeling in the back of his mind that told him it _did_ mean something. 'He was probably watching _you_.'

'He wasn't.' Amber said surely.

'What aren't you telling me?'

She giggled and shook her head. 'I kept _your_ secrets, didn't I?'

'_Amber_,' Renly moaned, which only made her smile even more. 'come on, this isn't fair. Don't give me hope when there isn't any.'

She softly drew herself closer to him again as the song started to end, and whispered in his ear, 'But there is hope.' The song ended, Amber offered him a quick curtsey before she turned on her heels and sat down with her cousin, the Kingslayer this time. He was sitting on the table in front of the king's, supposedly guarding him. His cold Lannister eyes were fixed on Renly even as Amber sat down and started talking to him. Renly quickly turned his back to him. He walked back over to his squire, trying to forget what he'd seen and what Amber had said. The last thing he wanted was to make things even more awkward between the two of them. There was only a certain number of suspicious circumstances they could overcome before they'd be forced to discuss the matter.

'What was Amber saying?' Loras asked him before he could even sit down. 'It looked important.'

'I…' Renly started, before he realised he was still being watched. It wasn't Jaime this time, it was his sister. 'There's something I have to do.'


	22. Chapter 22

'What was Amber saying?' Loras asked him before he could even sit down. 'It looked important.'

'I…' Renly started, before he realised he was still being watched. It wasn't Jaime this time, it was his sister. 'There's something I have to do.' And with that he turned away again, making a beeline for the queen. She raised one eyebrow at him as he stopped in front of her.

'Yes?' She hissed at him, setting down her cup. Her face could not have conveyed more surprise when Renly offered his hand to her. She stared at him.

'May I have this dance, Your Grace?' He asked her, trying to keep his face straight. She appeared to be trying to do the same thing. She took her time, but she accepted his hand and let him lead her onto the floor. Renly didn't miss the look of utter shock on Loras' face as he put his hands on the queen's waist.

'You know you can laugh if you want to.' Renly told her quietly, flashing a smirk at her. She tried to keep a smile at bay, but she didn't manage it. A small laugh left her as she looked back at him.

'I'll have you killed if anyone sees me smiling at you.' She told him with a smirk.

'By all means.' Renly answered swiftly. 'Only, you looked a little lonely over there by yourself.'

'Jaime has duties to protect my husband.' She said with a sigh.

'Amber went to sit with him.'

'_Lady_ Amber.'

Renly rolled his eyes and just smirked at her. She didn't correct him again. 'True. But…' She looked like she wanted to say something secretive, but she caught herself before she did. 'It is no matter. It's no business of yours.'

'Alright.' Renly shrugged. Cersei's eyes lingered over her twin for a little while longer, before she found another topic of conversation.

'But, _you_, however,' she started. Renly knew he wouldn't like where this was going. 'you've barely sat down with your lovely little squire tonight. You're normally so inseparable.' She said smoothly, almost managing to sound sincere, but Renly heard the mocking tones. He wasn't offended by it, he knew if he was going to have any kind of relationship with the queen it would be the sarcastic kind of friendship. And they would _never_ admit it was a friendship.

'Maybe I felt like a change tonight.' Renly said.

'Maybe? I think not.' Cersei told him with another smirk. 'I think there's trouble between you.'

'You realise there was nothing between us anyway?' Renly replied. She shook her head dismissively.

'Neither of you are that good at lying. Even the Tyrell boy.' She told him. 'However, it would seem he's fooled you.'

'What?'

'I'll let that insolence slide, for now.' She sighed, but there was no malice behind it. Renly knew that in that moment she'd let a lot of insolence slide. 'I may not approve of what you do in your spare time, Renly, but even I can't deny that the boy clearly adores you.'

'He should. I'm his liege lord. He's meant to.'

'You know what I mean.'

Renly sighed and let his eyes find Loras again. Even while he was talking to his brother, Loras' eyes would linger over Renly for a few moments. Renly didn't know how he was supposed to interpret that. Renly had watched Amber before now, when she was dancing with some lord or other, but there was never anything romantic about it, he was looking after his friend. Who was to say that Loras wasn't doing the same thing? The song ended and he released the queen. The smile faded from her face as she stiffly thanked him by way of a curtsey and went back to her seat. Renly made the walk back to his squire, hoping maybe he could put off any more awkward moments since Garlan was still with him.

'Lord Renly,' Garlan smiled at him as he approached them.

'Ser Garlan.' Renly replied with a similar smile. 'I meant to thank you for the wedding invitation.' He told him.

'It's thanks enough by just attending, my lord.' Garlan answered. 'My brother is very fond of you.' Renly tried to make his smile seem natural, even though he could see a blush creeping onto Loras' cheeks as he dropped his head to stare at the ground.

'Well,' Renly said with a shrug. 'who wouldn't be?' He hoped the comment would convince Garlan that there was nothing between himself and Loras, but the look on his face said otherwise. However, he didn't reference it. He just laughed.

'True enough,' Garlan answered. 'King's Landing has always favoured you.'

'I'm lucky to have that.' Renly told him with a smile. Garlan bid them both a good night as he left the hall after a while. Renly sighed and a silence crept in. Renly decided he was bored of the dancing and the music and told Loras he was going up to bed. Loras took this as his cue to leave, also.

'You don't have to.' Renly told him, trying to keep his voice casual. Loras gave him a confused look.

'What do you mean?'

'You can stay here if you want to. You don't have to go everywhere that I go.'

'I do, though,' Loras answered. 'I'm your squire.'

Renly rolled his eyes and just continued walking, allowing Loras to follow him this time. He was right, as always. Renly stopped outside his bedroom door. He was so confused about what Amber, and the queen, had said, that he really couldn't allow to Loras to stay in his bed tonight. It would raise too many questions, and possibly other things, as well.

'I think you should stay in your own chambers tonight.' Renly told him, forcing his gaze away so he didn't have to see the dejected look on Loras' face.

'Why?'

'Well, Amber's awake now, there's no reason you can't sleep in there.' Renly told him flatly. He couldn't put any other kind of expression into his voice for fear it would give away the fact that he really did not want to send Loras away.

'Oh.' He said glumly. He bit his lip, which only made Renly glad he'd sent him away. It was things like that which Renly knew he liked a little bit too much. 'Only I thought…' He let his voice trail off and just shook his head. 'Well,' he tried again. 'we're friends, I thought it was okay. I thought… you liked it.'

He desperately wanted to agree with him, tell that he really did like it and just to invite him back to his room like normal. But he knew it wasn't wise. It had been getting a little too difficult to ignore the strange circumstances when they woke up intertwined with each other, and especially after what Amber had said…

'It's really warm tonight, I don't think it's going to be comfortable, anyway. It'll be too warm.'

Loras sighed and shrugged, though he still looked put out. He didn't say anything else, just opened the door to his own chambers and shut it behind him without so much as a _goodnight_. Renly stared at the door for a long time before he tore his gaze away and sadly wandered back into his own room.

His bed felt strangely cold without Loras. He hadn't been lying when he said it was warm that night, but he still had to curl up under the sheets to keep warm. He felt like he owed Loras a proper explanation, but he knew he wouldn't be able to say it. How was he supposed to approach that kind of topic with him anyway? He couldn't outright tell him 'you can't sleep in my bed because the last few nights I've woken up with a raging erection because you sleep so close to me', even if it was the truth. So he just had to curl up and hope that sleep would eventually find him, the journey home would be so much worse if he was tired as well.

Loras woke up just after dawn. The light streamed in, and the noise of the city waking up was just something he couldn't ignore. He got out of bed to sit at the window and watch King's Landing come to life. He had his suspicions about why Renly had forced him back into his own room. He'd seen him dancing with Amber and she looked like she was saying something important. Loras hoped she wouldn't have told him anything he'd confided in her, but he could tell their conversation wasn't exactly innocent. Renly had caught him watching him, too, which was just plain embarrassing. Not to mention the things Garlan had evidently picked up on. It was no wonder Renly wanted to sleep alone. Although, Loras couldn't fully understand. If Renly thought Loras had feelings for him, why would he push him away? Loras was very aware of the feelings Renly was trying to supress, he'd proved that enough when he'd kissed him. So why push him away?

But Loras couldn't dwell on it forever, he had duties to complete. The first of which would involve going to wake his lord, they'd have to leave that morning if they were going to make good time. He sighed and forced himself up out of the window seat and opened the door to go to Renly's chambers. Loras expected him to still be asleep, he usually was, but he was surprised to see him sitting at his desk, staring out of the window.

'Good morning.' Loras said slowly, not sure of the appropriate greeting in such a strange circumstance.

Renly almost jumped on hearing his voice. He got up and leant back against the desk to face his squire. 'Good morning.'

'Did you sleep well?' Loras asked, trying to find something to busy himself with, but Renly seemed to have done everything Loras would have had to do. He'd obviously been awake for a long time.

'Not really.' Renly said with a shrug. 'It was very warm.'

'Can't say that I noticed.' Loras told him coldly. He still wasn't pleased about being denied the opportunity to stay in Renly's room the night before. Renly's eyes seemed to soften somewhat, but he didn't say anything on the topic. Loras shrugged and made his way back for the door. He was stopped when Renly gently took hold of his wrist.

'I'm sorry.' He told him quietly, his sparkling green eyes momentarily disarming Loras.

'I don't know what you're apologising for.' Loras answered flatly.

'Yes, you do. And I'm really sorry.' Renly said again. 'Stay and break fast with me?'

Loras glanced down to where Renly still had hold of his wrist. He immediately retracted his hand. It brought a smirk to Loras' face and he just nodded in response. Once they'd sat down in the solar to eat, Loras couldn't help but notice that even though Renly had asked him to break fast with him, he didn't seem like he intended to break it at all. He was just pushing food around his plate and never actually taking a bite of any of it.

'Are you alright?' Loras ventured, putting down the bread roll he'd been nibbling on. Renly glanced up at him, like he wasn't really listening.

'Mm? Oh, yes, I'm fine.'

'Doesn't seem like it.'

Renly sighed and put down his fork. He wasn't using it anyway. 'It's just been a confusing time, hasn't it? With Amber and everything.' He said, though Loras could tell there was something he was keeping back. He nodded but wasn't sure how to ask what else was happening. Renly noticed the lack of response from his squire, the way his eyes narrowed ever so slightly when he was thinking.

'What?' Renly asked him a sigh. 'You want to ask something, what is it?'

'No, no, nothing.'

Renly simply raised an eyebrow. Loras rolled his eyes and leant forward on the table. 'There's something else bothering you, isn't there? That's why you wouldn't let me stay last night. You can tell me, you know.'

Renly watched him for a moment. He knew Loras was right, he _should_ tell him. They were meant to be friends… best friends, really. But even so, he still didn't want to tell him. He was just so scared it was going to make everything worse.

'It doesn't matter.' Renly said eventually. 'We'll be leaving a few hours, anyway.'

'_Renly_.' Loras groaned. 'You have to tell me.'

'No, I don't.' He answered flatly. 'I don't want to make this seem like an insult, because it's not, but you're keeping a secret. Why can't I? You told me you weren't ready to tell me, maybe I'm not ready to tell anyone about this?'

Loras glared at him for a second. He was right, essentially. He still hadn't told Renly his discovery, that ever since he'd kissed him Loras knew he was like Renly. He knew he'd never have real feelings for a woman and he knew he'd also never have feelings for anyone as strongly as he did for Renly. He knew it was reasonable that Renly should be allowed to keep a secret of his own, but it didn't mean he had to like it.

Leaving Amber that day had not been easy for either of them, but for Renly especially. He'd spent the last four years with her, as they both grew up and discovered things about themselves. Amber had been his only companion for all that time and it felt wrong to be leaving her now. She made a joke of it, saying he didn't need her anymore now that he had Loras. Renly didn't know if there was an element of truth in there or not, but he knew he still needed Amber. He could be completely honest with her and she'd never judge him… well, she would, but she'd do it out-loud and with a smirk on her face.


	23. Chapter 23

The journey home was a horrible journey. He hated it with a passion. It was such a boring trip along the same long road. They set up camp for the night but Renly just sat outside his tent, listening to the noise of knights getting drunk in the nearby tavern. The stars were all out but it didn't brighten his mood.

Loras joined him in silence. He knew what was wrong, he'd seen how badly Renly had taken it when he had to say goodbye to Amber. Loras felt terrible about leaving her too, but he knew it was nothing compared to what his friend was feeling. He heard him sigh and watched him lean back against the pitch of his tent. Loras didn't even think about what he was doing, he slipped his hand through Renly's. Renly didn't look back, he just gently squeezed his hand. They sat like that for a long time, Loras couldn't place quite how long, before they heard a few of the knights stumbling back across the grass to their own tents. Renly quickly let go of Loras' hand. He was somewhat hurt by it, he understood why he did it, but it didn't make it right. Renly got up and went into his tent in silence. That in itself annoyed Loras even more. He didn't even speak to him! Loras jumped up and followed him inside.

'What? You're not even going to say anything?' Loras hissed at him, trying to keep his voice down even though he knew he wouldn't be able to. Renly just stared at him, his eyes a little wide. 'I try and do something kind for you and you just _drop_ my offer like that? You let go of me like I was boiling armour!'

'Loras, calm down.' Renly told him with a heavy sigh.

'_No_.' He fought back, taking a step closer to his friend. Renly watched him, resisting the urge to step back.

'Fine.' Renly said with a shrug. 'Did you really want one of my knights or their squires to see us sitting outside my tent holding hands? Do you really think that would reflect well? On either of us?'

'_Reflect well_?' Loras repeated, a fierce venom lacing his tone. 'You're ashamed, aren't you?'

'Wouldn't you be? If you were in my situation, wouldn't you be ashamed if someone found out you wanted to fuck men?'

Loras couldn't quite find the strength to reply. Renly never talked quite _that_ honestly. If he was in Renly's situation? He wanted to yell back at him that he _was_ in his situation!

'It's not the same for you,' Renly continued. 'you like women, you do all those intimate little things with me because they're _innocent_ to you! They don't mean anything. But what about for me? I like _men_, what do you think that makes your actions? We can't just do things like this anymore. We're too old for people to think it's still childish games. We're old enough to know better.'

'To know better?' Loras spat back at him. 'Can you hear what you're saying?' He hadn't realised how much it had angered him, as he found himself face to face with Renly with barely a gap between them. His brilliant green eyes caught what little light there was and sent a sparkle through them. Loras tried to stop his heart beating as fast as it was, but it was impossible. He could hear blood rushing in his ears.

'You shouldn't be ashamed, Renly.' Loras told him, his voice completely changing into more of a whisper. 'You have _nothing_ to be ashamed of.'

'You don't know that. You're not in my head, you can't hear what I'm thinking. All those thoughts I shouldn't be having…'

'It's not just you.' Loras said before he could stop himself. Renly stared at him, shock and curiosity behind his eyes.

'What do you mean?'

'I mean…' Loras tried to take his eyes away from Renly's, but they just didn't seem to want to move. He knew he was staring at the most beautiful thing he'd ever set his eyes on, it only seemed right that he'd want to look for as long as possible. 'I mean you're not the only one who has those kinds of thoughts.'

'I…' Renly tried to fit a sentence together, but he couldn't. He suddenly became very aware of how close they were. It would hardly take any effort on his part to close the gap and kiss Loras right then. 'What are you telling me?'

'I'm saying… I'm telling you that I think… I think I'm…'

'Loras…' He couldn't keep back that whisper. He knew where this was going, it wasn't just wishful thinking anymore. He _knew_. He just wanted to loose himself in his squire's eyes and press himself against –

'My lord, there's a raven for you.'

Renly shut his eyes in frustration and took a step away from his squire and moved towards the entrance to his tent, where the voice had come from.

'You really know how to choose your moments, do you know that?' Renly called as he paced towards the voice. He pulled back the entrance to the tent and faced one of his knight's squires. Loras had seen him around a few times but couldn't recall his name.

'I'm sorry, my lord, I just-'

'The raven, Tym?' Renly cut him off impatiently. Loras could still feel the blush on his cheeks from what they'd almost done. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. Was he meant to stay here and hope Renly would still want to do that, or should he pretend it never happened?

'Yes, my lord.' Tym handed him a rolled up message, sealed up with a sigil Loras couldn't make out.

'You're timing was impeccable and you've brought _such_ good news with you.' Renly told the squire, his voice completely tainted with sarcasm. Loras had never heard him sound quite like that before. It wasn't like the times he'd been angry with Amber when they argued, this was different.

'I'm sorry, my lord, I-'

'Go.' Renly dismissed him, interrupting again. Tym stared at him with wide eyes, evidently just as shocked as Loras to see him like this. Renly raised his eyebrows at him and Tym ran off across the grass, nearly tripping himself up in the process. Renly shook his head and let the fabric door fall back.

'Are you alright?'

'Not really.' Renly answered flatly. He offered no other explanation. He sat down on his bed and began to unfold the message, breaking the red seal and starting to read. Loras could only watch him.

'Well?' Renly said, glancing up at him. 'Are you just going to stand there?'

'What… what am I meant to be doing?' Loras stammered.

'What you usually do.' Renly answered, still scanning the letter. 'Sit down, at least.' Loras did as he was told and cautiously placed himself on the bed. Renly cast him a strange look but didn't say anything.

'And there it is.' He said with a sigh. Loras just stared at him and waited for him to elaborate. 'This is the list of places I have to visit on this ridiculous tour.' He threw the paper in Loras' direction and dropped his head into his hands. Loras carefully picked up the letter and scanned the locations. He couldn't help but notice one place in particular.

'We're going to _Dorne_?' Loras almost spat. 'Dorne?'

'Yes, Dorne.' Renly said flatly, lifting his head to look back at his squire. 'You're still going with me, no matter how much you'll hate it.'

'That's kind of you.'

'You're my squire, you don't have a choice.'

'Charming.'

'I don't have to be charming. You'll do what I tell you.'

'Will I?' And with that Loras dropped the letter back onto the bed and promptly got up to leave. He was sick of Renly's mood at the moment, even though he knew full well what had caused it. Yes, Loras was angry about being interrupted, too, but he wasn't taking it out on Renly. He left the tent without another word or a look back.

He made his way back to his own tent, which wasn't too far away, but it meant wandering through the cluster of smaller tents for the other squires. Tym was sitting on a large rock, drinking from a cup, his blonde hair falling over his eyes. Loras couldn't help but feel a little sorry for him.

'Loras, could I ask-'

'Not now, Tym.' But not _that_ sorry. He ignored Tym calling out the rest of his question and wordlessly entered his own tent. It was dark inside and he didn't bother to light a lamp. He didn't care about the light anyway. He silently changed and then curled up in his bed to try and get some sleep. But it didn't find him so easily. Instead, he felt the all too familiar feeling of tears welling up in his eyes. Ever since meeting Renly he'd been far more prone to emotion than he had been before. He knew that wasn't a coincidence. He cared more about Renly than he'd ever cared about anyone else before. He brushed away the first wave of tears and willed himself to stop crying. It was futile. He was just annoyed and disappointed that he'd been so close to finally getting what he wanted and it was ruined. And Renly seemed to be intent on not going back to it, either. He could have picked up where they left off as soon as Tym had gone, but he didn't. He just sat there reading that letter with a sour expression.

Loras didn't know how long he'd been asleep, or even if he had been, when he heard the sound of the tent doors rustling. He opened his eyes and squinted towards the darkened entrance of his tent, instinctively reaching for his sword, which he kept under his bed.

'Shh, you won't need that.' The intruder told him in a whisper, but it was a whisper Loras recognised. It was Renly. He couldn't help but give in to the half a smile that found its way onto his face. He knew Renly couldn't see the smile anyway. He felt the bed dip as Renly climbed onto the other side. Loras couldn't help but wonder why he'd come to his bed, rather than bring Loras back to his own – it was far nicer and a whole lot more comfortable than this one. But he was there all the same. Loras turned over to try and look at him, even through the darkness, as Renly got into the bed and pulled the sheets over himself.

'I'm sorry.' Renly told him quietly. 'I'm sorry about… about earlier. It was a lot to hear all at once.' He took a breath and Loras could feel his eyes lock with his own. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's alright.' Loras answered in a whisper. 'I know it was a lot.'

'Thank you.' Renly replied. Loras felt his hand creep across his ribs, inching him closer to him. He wasn't about to stop him. He moved himself closer and gently curled up against his chest. He felt Renly sigh and smiled to himself. He knew in his heart that this was right. He found himself starting to fall asleep as he could feel Renly's hand running through his hair in a soothing kind of motion.

He woke up around the time the sun rose. He found himself staring at the fabric at the top of the tent, with Renly's arm draped across his chest. He sighed and allowed himself a smile. It quickly faded when he realised that half the camp would be up and about before long. That thought propelled him to sit upright, Renly's arm dropping back onto the bed. Renly moaned about it for a moment before he opened his eyes and looked up at his squire.

'What is it?' He groaned.

'You have to leave.' Loras told him hurriedly.

'Excuse me?'

'No, I mean that everyone's going to be up soon, it's morning. Do you really want to be seen leaving my tent in the morning? After all, aren't I supposed to be going to _your_ tent round about now?'

He shut his eyes for a second before agreeing. 'You're right.' He said shortly. 'But then again, no one's going to question me, are they?'

Loras raised an eyebrow at him, casually trying to remind him of how ashamed Renly had said he felt the night before and how carefully he was trying to stop other people finding out.

'Fine.' Renly muttered, forcing himself out of bed and going off in search of his clothes. Loras silently wondered when he'd actually taken them off, he hadn't noticed when he got into bed the night before. He bit his lip and tore his eyes away so he could get ready himself.

Renly stood by the entrance to the tent, evidently waiting for him. Loras joined him and they left the tent, greeted by a humid kind of breeze outside. There were a few people wandering around, Loras spotted Tym passed out against the rock he was sitting on the night previously. There wasn't enough people around for it to be a problem to for Renly to be seen leaving Loras' tent, but they hurried back to Renly's tent all the same.

As soon as they were inside, Renly went off to the wooden chest by his bed to find some different clothes. Loras perched himself on his bed and just watched him.

'I know you're staring.' Renly told him, even though he had his back to him at the time. Loras was quite happy to just watch the muscles in his back, but he felt like he ought to answer him anyway.

'Sorry.' He said flatly, but did not avert his gaze.

'You're still doing it, aren't you?'

'_No_.' He insisted, his eyes quickly flickering down to the floor when Renly turned around.

Renly wasn't altogether listening anyway, he felt like his head was a complete mess. He spent the remainder of the journey home in near silence, pretending to listen to whatever his squire was actually talking about. Instead, he was busy contemplating what he almost happened the night before. He felt guilty for it. It was when Loras had left and he had the quiet space to think, that he reminded himself that Loras was only thirteen. He wouldn't have any idea what he wanted from life. How could he possibly understand if he was like Renly was, or not? Granted, he was nearly fourteen, it was only a few days until his name day, but even so, he was _young_. It didn't stop Renly from creeping into his tent that night, but he just felt so awful for leaving things the way he had. He made himself a silent vow to let Loras figure things out on his own and he would play no part in it.


	24. Chapter 24

Once they got back to Storm's End they had been riding through driving rain for hours and everyone just wanted to go to bed. Renly was too tired to even think about dinner and left for his chambers as soon as he was able. He dropped himself onto his bed and let sleep find him. It was around midnight when he felt the bed move and knew instantly that Loras had crept into bed with him. He didn't say anything, or react, he just went back to sleep as he felt Loras curl up beside him.

Renly spent the new few days doing a mixture of similar things. Getting upset at Amber's absence, checking on the progress of Loras' name day present and trying to sit through court without falling asleep. Loras got back into his training and still found his way up to Renly's chambers every night. Eventually, Loras' name day arrived. Renly got up before him, which was a special occasion in and of itself. Loras woke up to an empty bed and note reading nothing but _armoury_. He smiled to himself and quickly got dressed. He passed a few of the servants on the way down, all of which made special effort to wish him a good name day. He couldn't help but notice that all the girls that addressed him seemed to blush slightly in his presence. He couldn't decide if he should be happy about that or not. But he decided to think about it at some other time, right now he was too preoccupied with what Renly was going to give him as a present. The fact it was in the armoury just made his smile widen.

He pushed open the door to the armoury and heard it creek into silence. It was still early morning and the air was still a little bit crisp. Well, as crisp as it got when the Stormlands were so humid.

Inside the armoury it was considerably warmer, almost sweltering, like the armourer had been working all night for this. Loras knew that might well have been the case, given how driven Renly seemed to be about making sure this was perfect. He entered the main part of the armoury and his eyes were drawn to the spectacular piece of armour in front of him. It was all pristinely made and embedded with tiny gems of every colour, making patterns like flowers across the shoulders and down the sides.

'It's quite something, isn't it?' A voice from the other side of the room said. He couldn't supress the grin as he turned around to face his friend. He didn't even think about it, just reached out and pulled Renly into a hug. It was only during this hug he realised he may have made him somewhat uncomfortable, but Loras felt like it was an appropriate moment for a hug.

'You can… um, you can let me go now.' Renly told him quietly. Loras instantly retracted his arms and took a step back, wearing a sheepish grin. 'Do you like it?' Renly asked him, nodding towards the armour.

'Like it? It's _amazing_!' Loras answered without hesitation. 'Thank you. Thank you so much.'

Renly just shook his head and shrugged. 'I thought the design was pretty. I couldn't resist having it made for you.'

'I… I don't know how to thank you enough.' Loras answered. It was true, he knew they were friends, best friends… or something else, but even so, that armour must have cost a fortune.

'You _don't_.' Renly told him with a laugh as he lead him back out of the armoury. 'It's your name day, you're not supposed to find a way to thank people for gifts, just smile, say thank you and that will be enough.'

'Thank you.'

'You've already said that.'

'Sorry.' He managed an embarrassed smile, which Renly shrugged off and continued walking him towards the stables. 'Where are we going?'

'You said you wanted to go out all day, go into the woods. So that's what we're going to do. I had to kitchen make us some food, too. And I thought we could go and find Alys for a while, just to see how she is. Not all day, I know you don't want to spend a lot of time with her, no one does. She's rather intense, isn't she? Only-'

'Thank you.' Loras interrupted him. He could tell Renly was only going to start rambling about something, he always did that when he got nervous. Loras wasn't about to point that out, though. He didn't quite know what exactly Renly was nervous about, but he didn't want to ruin any of the hope he had by asking about it.

They set out after they'd broken fast for the morning, taking the horses down the same dirt path they'd gone down the first time Loras met Alys. He wasn't entirely sure if he _wanted_ to see her again, she hadn't exactly been pleasant during their first meeting. But he'd do it because Renly wanted to, and that was justification enough for Loras. They tied up the horses and started the walk through the woods, the leaves leaving dancing patterns on the ground. The sun was actually shining today, which Loras could only believe to be a good omen on his name day.

'Do you think Amber will be happy?' Loras ventured, the question having been sitting in his mind ever since Amber had told them about her letter from Dragonstone.

'I don't know.' Renly answered with a sigh. 'Truly, I don't know if any husband could really please her. I think she'd rather be left alone to her own devices.' Loras couldn't help but agree with that sentiment. In many ways, Amber reminded him of his grandmother – always scheming away at something.

'Do you know who she's marrying?' Loras asked. 'I know he's a Florent, but I mean, specifically?'

'No.' Renly said quietly. 'Hopefully it's someone very unlike Stannis. I don't know too much about the company he keeps on Dragonstone. I suppose I should have paid more attention, but in the end I didn't actually care.'

Loras then remembered something else, while his mind was on Amber and the events of King's Landing. 'Do you remember anything about the first night we were there?'

'I remember… certain events.' Renly said, trying his best not to let guilt slip into his voice.

'Well… yes, I know, but I didn't mean that.' Loras stumbled on his words but tried to get back to the point. 'Amber told me something the night after, she said that she thought it was best that you didn't know what had happened. I wondered how she knew about it, but it became apparent we were talking about different things. She wouldn't tell me what happened, but she asked if I'd _heard_ anything.'

'Heard anything?' Renly repeated, glancing back his squire. Loras nodded. 'I don't recall.' Renly shook his head, although this had started a curiosity about the matter. He and Amber didn't usually keep secrets. 'She probably told me something she shouldn't have. She had been with the queen all night… so perhaps she told me something she wasn't meant to? Something the queen had told her?'

'I couldn't say.' Loras said glumly. 'I just thought it might be important.'

'It could be.' Renly agreed. 'Especially if Amber thought it was better if I forgot about it.'

They came to the place where Alys normally called home. Renly called her name a few times but there was no reply. Loras followed him through the maze of trees and shrubs, until they came across some kind of evidence.

'Oh.' Was all Renly could say. Tacked to a tree was a piece of parchment that read nothing but _See you in King's Landing_. Renly tore it down from the tree and re-read it. 'Marvellous.' He muttered, crumpling up the parchment in his hand.

'Does that mean she's in King's Landing?' Loras asked. He silently wondered how Alys could possibly be in King's Landing… where would she hide? And why would she need to go there anyway? The girl lived in the woods, surely there was nothing for her in the capital.

'Apparently.' Renly said with a sigh. Loras followed him again as he started walking through the trees and to the clearing by the cliff. Loras kept his distance from the drop to the sea. He didn't like this place too much anyway, it reminded him of the argument he and Renly had had here. Renly paced straight up the edge, not flinching over the height, and dropped the parchment over the edge, not moving until he saw it dip into the water.

'But why would she go there?' Loras asked, sitting himself down on the grass and leaning against a tree trunk. Renly turned back to face him and shrugged.

'I suppose she's waiting for me to go back. But she does everything for her own reasons. I still don't know who she really is.'

'I think she's… _was…_ highborn.' Loras told him, voicing his thoughts from the first time he met her.

'I know.' Renly agreed, sitting down on the floor next to his squire. 'I thought that, too. I asked her about it once and she just changed the subject. I don't know which family she'd be from and I can't think why they'd cast her out. Or even why no one would have heard about it.'

'Maybe the think she's dead?' Loras offered. 'If they thought she'd died somehow, why would anyone think anything of it?'

Renly shrugged. 'Alys is what she is. It's gone too far for to come back now, so we might as well forget about it.'

'If you say so.' Loras said.

After a while they went back to the horses so they could fetch the food they'd brought. It was in a tied leather bag that Renly had fastened so the horse could carry it. They brought it back to the clearing. It wasn't lavish by any means, but neither of them minded.

'Are you looking forward to your brother's wedding?' Renly asked, as he watched Loras tear a bread roll down the middle and put a strip of meat between the it. He flashed a bright smile back at Renly.

'Yes.' He answered honestly. 'I've missed my family, I'm just excited to see them again. I saw Garlan in King's Landing, obviously, but I've missed my sister especially. Of course, I've missed my other brother and my parents and my grandmother… but I've missed Margaery most of all.' He told him. Renly couldn't help but feel somewhat jealous. Loras had such a caring family and it was evident that he loved them a lot. Meanwhile, Renly's brothers hardly paid him any attention at all. Renly thought it seemed more like Stannis would rather he didn't even exist. He also felt jealous of the fact that Loras had missed them. He knew it was naturally to miss your family, but Renly felt like he'd shared something of a special bond with Loras and it stung to hear him lament over his family. Renly knew it wasn't rational to think like that, but he couldn't help it.


	25. Chapter 25 - Interlude

**A/N: So, this is the interlude chapter. It's not essential to the rest of the plot, really, since it's from Amber's POV (as much POV as my story has anyway, but y'know what I mean). But give if you liked Amber (and there's some Cersei, Jaime & Lancel in this one, too), give it a go:)))**

**So here's a theory, apparently the slow loris is officially the cutest animal in the world, maybe that's why Loras' name is what it is? 'Cause it sounds like loris? Idk, I wanted to believe that anyway, so he has like bush-baby eyes and that;) I'm probably wrong, but thought I'd share anyway;)  
**

**xoxo**

Interlude: The Lioness

Lady Amber sat by the queen's window, watching the people go about their business below. She saw Petyr Baelish in the courtyard, clearly leaving after the small council meeting was done, since she'd spotted Lord Varys departing moments before. Robert had not been with them – he'd decided he'd rather go on a hunting trip in the Kingswood. And Amber understood what that meant. It meant that she would make sure a lot of people saw her going to the queen's chambers, she'd make sure to chat to people on the way up and make sure they knew where she was headed. Then she would sit in the queen's chambers – alone – while Cersei Lannister fucked her brother in the king's bed. Amber wasn't pleased about the part she played in their deceptions, but she ultimately had to make a choice. Do what Cersei wanted and keep the queen on side, or she could submit herself to walking her life alone. And she already felt very alone. She knew she was one of a select few to even be privy to the information she was. Actually, she knew she was one of three people, and two of those people were the ones the secret belonged to. She suspected that Varys and Littlefinger knew more than they were letting on, but they always did. At the tourney Littlefinger had made a point of addressing her in conversation, where he'd tried to be subtle in asking how she was enjoying spending time with her cousins after having been at Storm's End for so long. Amber had deftly dodged the crux of his question, giving him only a vague answer, but it was enough of answer to make it strange if he pressed for more information. She actually quite liked Lord Baelish, she admired him in actual fact. She enjoyed playing the kind of cat and mouse game he insisted on playing to find out secrets. She was pretty sure she knew a secret or two about Petyr Baelish in turn.

Amber had received another raven from Dragonstone, once again from her betrothed. His name was Willum, she had discovered, and he was a minor lord over a small holding on the edge of Dragonstone. But he was trying, she awarded him that much. He'd been doing everything humanly possible to try and make his home more to Amber's liking. This time he'd written telling her of a special kind of plant he'd had imported that cats were supposed to especially like, so that Lioness would be happy in the gardens. It pleased her that he was so considerate, but it didn't lessen much of her anger over having to marry him at all. But she knew when she was beaten. She'd have to marry him, that was certain, but she could still try to make the whole arrangement better for herself.

She turned her head to look at the door that adjoined the king's chambers to the queen's, as Jaime walked through it and shut it behind himself.

'Amber.' He gave her a nod. She nodded back and turned away from him. She loved her cousins, but after she knew what they'd been doing in there she couldn't speak to them properly. Not straight away. She'd talk to them later on as if nothing had happened, but it was too strange to do it straight away.

A few minutes after Jaime had left, Amber got up from her window seat and left Cersei's chambers. She didn't particularly want to go and find her to say her goodbyes, she'd see her at dinner, anyway. She straightened out her red dress, left her cousin's chambers and began the walk back to her own, where she would sit and do nothing while she waited for dinner. Life had become much more boring since Renly and Loras had left. Amber found herself practically friendless, with only her cousins, Lioness and her faceless betrothed's letters.

On the stairs she was intercepted by another cousin of hers, the king's squire, Lancel. He flashed her a big smile on seeing her, which she met with a frosty sort of smirk. She silently wondered if Lancel was aware of what their cousins did behind closed doors.

'Lady Amber.' He greeted her fondly.

'Cousin.' Amber answered flatly.

'Where are you going, my lady?' He asked her, though she felt like there was a reason for his asking.

'Back to my rooms.' She told him. 'And yourself?' She questioned, more because stalling Lancel would give Cersei more time to get dressed and cover up the evidence. Since Lancel was returning, it meant the king was back from hunting.

'I was just about to go and prepare some wine for His Grace… but I should escort you back to your chambers. A lady shouldn't be wandering around alone.'

'I'm in the Red Keep, Lancel, I'm hardly in danger.' Amber tried to brush him off. She was right, but she still did have that knife she kept in her garter under her dress.

'Well,' Lancel shifted uneasily at that statement, which instantly put Amber's guard up. 'you never know, my lady. It wouldn't be proper of me to let you go on your own.'

'If you say so.' Amber sighed. She knew he wouldn't back down about it and she'd rather spend her time bored in her chambers than arguing with Lancel. He didn't make for a good partner for and argument. She instantly missed Renly on thinking about that. They used to argue constantly, but they'd be intelligent arguments. And they'd always make up after. She couldn't bare it that she'd have to wait until her wedding to see him again, it felt like being separated from a brother. Though, with herself and Renly she felt they were closer than that, more like twins. Then she thought of Cersei and Jaime and instantly retracted the idea.

'How is Lord Renly since his departure from King's Landing?' Lancel asked her. Amber bit back a smirk on hearing him ask. She'd done her fair share of watching from her room while she'd been locked away after the 'incident' and she was fully aware of why Lancel was inquiring about Lord Renly… and who he would be asking about next.

'I believe he's fine, Lancel.' She told him. 'He does usually run Storm's End, I doubt anything unusual has occurred since his return.' Though Amber suspected that by now something unusual may have, in fact, occurred, given how close Renly and Loras had become while in King's Landing.

'Good.' Lancel said awkwardly. 'And… his squire?'

'Loras?' Amber started. 'Oh, I suspect he's perfectly fine, as well. Why do you ask?' She'd only added the last part to wind up her cousin, knowing it would make him nervous. It made for excellent sport making Lancel uncomfortable.

'Why?' He repeated quietly. 'Oh… n-no reason, my lady. I was just wondering, I…' he began muttering the rest of his nonsensical reply to himself and Amber stopped paying attention.

They reached Amber's chambers and Lancel opened the door for her. She tried to offer him a smile, but she was almost certain she'd failed at that. 'Well… thank you, Lancel.' She said simply, unsure of what else she was meant to say.

'I, um… I wanted to ask something, if that's alright, my lady.'

'Of course.' She answered flatly. If there was one thing she didn't want Lancel doing, it was asking questions, but it would raise more questions if she said no to him.

'I was wondering if… if the king would be in attendance to your marriage? On Dragonstone?'

'The king?' Amber repeated. 'I don't know, Lancel. I should hope the queen will be there, but I could not speak for the king. Why do you ask?'

'Well,' Lancel tried, but words seemed to evade him. 'well, it would mean that I would be allowed to go as well, as the king's squire.'

'Yes.' Amber agreed. 'It would. Why would you want to?'

'You're my cousin, of course I want to.' But it was clearly a blatant lie.

'As convincing as that was, Lancel, why would you _really_ want to go?'

Lancel flushed a crimson sort of colour and brushed his blond hair off his face. 'W-well, it's just… I imagine Lord Renly would be there – since you two are such good friends and… and Loras, of course, so…'

'Gods, Lancel, never let me trust you with secrets.' Amber told him with a laugh. Lancel broke a small, nervous smile, but still looked sheepish. 'But let me just give you a little bit of advice.' She continued. She beckoned to her cousin to come into the room and told him to shut the door. He dubiously sat down on the edge of her bed.

'Lancel, I wouldn't recommend getting involved with what you're implying.' Amber said, deliberately careful with her words. 'I really don't think Lord Renly would look too kindly upon it.'

'It's got nothing to do with him.' Lancel muttered darkly.

'No, Lancel, it has. Loras is his _squire_, anything he does will reflect on Renly, as well. And equally, anything you do will reflect on the king. Do you really want that?'

Lancel sighed and shook his head. 'I suppose not.'

'Besides, I think that both yourself and Loras Tyrell are destined for bigger things than this. You'll both end up married to some lovely, important young lady and you'll both be very happy for it – once you're accomplished knights, of course.' She told him with a smile. Lancel seemed somewhat pleased with that response, even if it wasn't the answer he wanted.

'Thank you, my lady.' He said with a sigh, getting up the leave the room.

'Lancel,' Amber called to him. He turned back around to face her. 'I'm your cousin, you can call me Amber, you know.'

'Yes, my lady.' He told her with a smirk, before continuing. 'I know I can, Amber. You just never know who's listening.'

Amber smiled at him and let him leave. She knew all too well why you could never be too careful in King's Landing. Both Lord Varys and Lord Baelish had their own little spies running around the castle with their ears pressed to the doors of anyone remotely influential. She'd awarded her best lies to both of them while she'd been in King's Landing, but she knew it was only a matter of time before they found out Renly's secret. It was getting difficult to lie about it since they evidence they had was so compelling.


End file.
